Sutton bobs her head back and forth. “Fair enough. But maybe he’s one of those tortured, Byronic heroes who can’t stop hurting everyone around him because he’s in so much pain himself.”
“Oh, Lord, Sutton. You definitely think with the creative parts of your brain.” I throw up my hands. “You’re conjuring up a scenario that doesn’t exist.”
“How is that different than what you’re doing with Matty? All your excuses about not dating him involve things that haven’t happened. You don’t have any proof he cheated on someone. So he enjoys the ladies. Big whooping deal. In fact, didn’t you say he dated someone his freshman year and it broke up because he didn’t pay enough attention to her? That’s not the same as cheating on her. It’s not like you want some guy breathing down your neck. You’ve got a lot of shit on your plate. It would be a relief to go out with someone who’s as busy as you,” Sutton argues. “Plus, you spent the night with him and he didn’t even make a move. That doesn’t say player to me. He’s totally respected all your boundaries. I know you like to play it safe, but right now, honey? You’re being chicken.”
She’s right. There is a difference between being cautious and being cowardly. I grab my head. “I keep going around and around in my mind about this. You’re right. He doesn’t come off like a guy who just wants to get into some girl’s pants.”
“So why are you holding back? Why are you punishing yourself?”
Sutton’s practically echoing Matt’s words. Sounds like your risk assessments keep you from having fun as opposed to keeping you safe.
“You look stressed, Goldie.”
My head whips up and there’s Matt standing outside of the small university bookstore at the south end of campus. Sutton and I have walked nearly two miles arguing about Matt and I’m just now realizing it.
“This is a goddamned sign,” Sutton hisses in my ear. “You can’t escape this, Lucy. A higher power is conspiring to get you two naked. Give in or the apocalypse is coming.” She backs away without even introducing herself to Matty. “I’m blaming you if the zombies come,” she yells and starts running in the other direction.
He lifts his T-shirt to his nose. “Do I stink?”
“No. Sutton had an emergency.” A meddling emergency.
“Your roommate,” he identifies. “Not the one I have class with but the other one? Which one is taking up my spot on your lease?”
My lips quirk up. I can hardly believe he remembers what we talked about our first night together. But then it was only a week ago. Still, how many guys remember their flirtations in such detail? “That would be Sutton. Charity and I had a class our freshman year and we met Sutton in the fall. She had problems with her roommate, and an apartment over on Oak came open.”
“Good call.” He nods approvingly. “I’ve heard Oak’s a nice place.”
“Were you getting a study aid?” I tip my head toward the bookstore.
“Nope. Buying some guy porn.” He holds up the latest Ludlum thriller. Under the pretense of inspecting the book, I let my eyes drink him in. He looks like a modern day James Dean. Black leather coat unzipped over a dark blue Warriors T-shirt. His eyes are as blue as an untouched robin’s egg. Jeans barely contain his powerful legs. Black boots finish off the bad-boy look.
It doesn’t help anyone that his long hair is mussed from the beanie that’s half hanging out of the right coat pocket.
And I kind of hate that my heart sings and sighs at the sight of him. But I’m done fighting my attraction to him. What’s the point? I’m in college. I’m supposed to have fun. He’s not the same kind of bad as drinking five shots of tequila at a frat party. He might feel as heady, might make me just as reckless, but I’m not going into any coma after having sex with him.
Besides, the sex would be good exercise. It would actually be healthy for me to sleep with him. It would be good for both my mind and my body. If I did him just once, I’d be taking only a tiny risk. The smallest. The minutest. It’s almost not even a risk to be with him once.
Unless you become addicted, whispers my internal risk advisor. I order her to shut the hell up.
“Maybe you don’t need that book tonight.” I take a bold step forward and pluck it out of his hands.
18
Matty
I’m speechless. She’s literally rendered me completely without speech.
“Just for tonight?” I manage to croak out when her confident look starts to falter under my stupid, stupid silence.
“What else do you want?”
Fuck, so much, Goldie, I think, but so I don’t scare her off, I say, “I’d like to date you.”
“You told me you were a shitty boyfriend before.”
I’m not the wordsmith she is. I want to put my true feelings out there as best I can, but I’ve never had to say anything like this before. Not even to Megan did I articulate my feelings, but looking back that’s probably because I didn’t have many beyond, she’s a nice girl and a good lay.
I’ve had plenty of sex since then but nothing like the kiss in the kitchen. Nothing like Lucy. Her golden hair shines with its own sort of light, and I can’t stop myself from curling a wayward lock around my finger. “Yeah, I freely admit I sucked at the boyfriend thing before, and you have every reason to think I’m going to fail at this, but I’m going into my senior year. I’ve been doing the practice, school, game thing for three years now. I think I can add in a girlfriend to the mix without throwing everything off.”