We returned late each evening, and he’d kiss me goodnight then assume his position on the sofa in the living room while I took his bed. He was still doing an amazing job of avoiding any chance of sex happening.
My flight was booked for Sunday—in two days. So, we were really running low on time.
On Friday afternoon after a whirlwind day out, we were driving back to his apartment when he turned to me.
“Mind if we take a little detour?”
“Not at all.”
After a twenty-minute ride down the interstate, we pulled into the entrance of a cemetery. Suddenly, it became extremely clear why Landon had brought me here.
“I want you to meet my mother.”
Taking his hand, I smiled sympathetically. “Okay.”
We parked then walked through the rows of various-sized headstones, many of which were surrounded by dead flowers. As we made our way to his mother’s plot, I noticed a black hearse parked in the distance followed by a line of cars.
Finally, Landon stopped in front of a marble headstone that had the name Beverly Ann Downing carved into it.
“I’ve never taken anyone here before. You’re the first girl I’m bringing home to Mama.”
“I’ve actually never been to a graveyard.”
“You’re lucky, then.”
“How often did you say you come here?”
“I used to visit a lot more. The past year, life has gotten busier. I come about every couple of months on average.”
“I’m sure that wherever she is, Beverly understands that you’re busy. She’s always with you anyway.”
“You believe she can see everything we’re doing?” he asked.
I had to really think about that. “I do. Yeah.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about that, then.”
“I just know she’d be proud of you.”
Landon seemed to cringe. “Maybe now.” He paused. “This is going to sound strange, but I fluctuate between wanting her approval and just pure anger that she doesn’t deserve the importance I place on her.”
“Are you still angry at her for giving you up?”
“There are times when I am. But I’ve made bad decisions in my life, too. We all have. And to a point I get why she made the choice she did. Personally, I just couldn’t imagine giving up my child. It’s really hard to accept how anyone could just hand their own flesh and blood over to strangers. I mean, I know she was really messed up. But I just wish she had tried harder to get clean or to find another way. It’s weird…I always felt this disconnect with my parents in Michigan. I know they love me, but I often wonder what a bond with Beverly would’ve been like if I’d gotten to know her and if she weren’t a junkie. Obviously, I’ll never know.”
It was killing me to see that he was still so hurt over his mother. To me, it was evident why she felt she had to give him up so that he could have a better life. But clearly, he was still in pain, and that made me really sad.
“Have you met any other family members out here?” I asked.
“I’ve met her sister—my aunt, Miranda. Apparently, she and my grandmother, who’s since died, had been trying to convince Beverly not to give me up. But my mother just felt it would be better for me.” He shook his head, deep in thought as he stared at the gravestone. “She wasn’t always an addict. My mother actually grew up in Lancaster, which is about seventy miles north of here. She came to Hollywood to pursue modeling and acting.” He looked at me and smiled. “She was really pretty. I’ll show you a picture sometime. Anyway, she got in with the wrong crowd, people who introduced her to drugs. Many of those people are sober now, living great lives while my mother is six feet under.”
I hesitated to ask, “What about your birth father?”
“No one knows who he is. It could’ve been a number of people if she was as messed up as I think she was.” He kicked some of the dirt. “Anyway, I just wanted to show you her final resting place.”
Needing to hug him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned my cheek against his chest. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
He gently scratched my back. “I’m sorry for troubling you with my sob story when Lord knows your mother wasn’t much better than one who was totally non-existent. You’ve turned out amazing considering all of that.”
“This has nothing to do with Shayla. Don’t ever apologize for loving the woman who gave you life.”
“Well, even in death, Beverly’s a big part of who I am and a big part of my journey out here. I feel like you need to know all this in order to understand everything else about me.”
Landon had made it very clear that there was something major he needed to talk to me about. I never pushed it because I didn’t want the pressure of having to open up to him about myself. But not knowing was wearing on me. I knew he wanted this trip to be about getting to know each other. So, I was pretty sure that in addition to no sex, there wouldn’t be any deep discussion in the small time I had left here, either.
SIX
Since I would be leaving the next day, Landon insisted on taking me to one of the nicest restaurants in L.A. on Saturday night.
Figaro was humming with people, but honestly, we could’ve been anywhere; all I could focus on was Landon.
He’d definitely been in a strange mood all day. I knew he didn’t want me to leave, but he was giving me the impression that he felt conflicted about something.
It was an unsettling feeling to know that the man I was falling in love with hadn’t opened up to me fully. At the same time, I knew he realized, even though I hadn’t come out and said it, that I was hiding something from him, too. But I could also understand why he didn’t want to put a damper on this trip. The curiosity was killing me but not enough to push having that heart to heart tonight and possibly ruining the last hours together.
We were surrounded by several other couples who were out on dates in the packed restaurant. I noticed a few women staring in our direction, checking out Landon. I guess that was something I was going to have to get used to. He looked so amazingly hot in his short-sleeved, black polo that showed off the tats on his arms. The material looked like it could have been spray-painted onto his amazing chest. It was seriously no wonder why they were drooling. I felt like reaching across the table to stake my claim.
Landon took something out of a small bag he’d brought in from the car. “I have something for you.”
My heart fluttered. “What is it?”
He slid it across the table.
I opened the purple box and smiled. “My Rubik’s Cube. I still can’t believe you kept it all these years.”
“It was one of only a few non-necessities I brought with me when I moved here. I guess I must have had a sixth sense that it was going to become important again someday, that you might find your way to me so that I could personally return it to you.”
“I guess I know what I’ll be doing on the plane home.”
“You’d better not figure it out without me there.” Landon locked my feet in with his under the table. “I still can’t believe you have to leave tomorrow. Are you sure there’s nothing I can do to convince you to stay?” He looked seriously troubled.
“We’ll see each other again. I promise.”
In a last-ditch effort, he once again tried to urge me not to leave. “I wish there was a way you didn’t have to go at all. I could even hire you as an extra hand in the truck so you wouldn’t have to worry about work.”
“You have no idea how much I would love that…”
My expression must have reflected the opposite of my words.
“But it’s not an option…” he said.
“I’m afraid not.”
“Well, I’ll keep dreaming about that scenario.”
He pulled my legs into him even more with his own. “So, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Okay…”
“I know we joke about Lenny being a psychopath, but I’m starting to really hate the idea of you living with a weirdo.”
“I’m not sure what to do about that. You know how I feel about kicking him out.”