It feels like I’m reaching here. It feels like I’m just pulling this out by the seat of my pants and hoping for the best. But as crazy and ridiculous as it all sounds, I know it’s the truth. You know the truth when you hear it, when you see it, and it’s right in front of me.
She just shakes her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. “Emmett,” she says, but she can’t say anything else.
And that’s the whole truth. For all I know, she probably arranged for the photos of me and Alyssa to be taken to begin with, a lucky guess I’d hook up with someone, who knows. Something to endear me to the public, to make her more important, to make me more important, to further the both of us at the expense of Alyssa.
But I don’t have time to sit here and figure it out. In a way, this has made a shitty problem a little less shitty.
“Go ahead and post the photos,” I tell her as I pause behind her chair on my way out. “Do whatever. But I’m not paying it, I’m not paying you. Everything between us, real and imagined, ends right here and right now.”
“I love you Emmett,” she says through a quiet sob.
I let out a dry laugh. “No you don’t. You love the role you think you play, that’s all.”
Then I step outside into the rain and leave that act of my life behind.
* * *
“Damn, son,” Will says before taking a lazy sip of his drink. “You definitely need that after everything.” He nods at the Manhattan in my hand.
I exhale, my breath causing ripples in the liquid. I’d just spent the last hour with Will at the bar, unloading everything single thing that happened over the weekend, including what happened with Autumn this morning. I know he probably heard Alyssa’s side of things from Jackie, but I figured he should know the actual truth and the play-by-play from me.
“So how do you know Autumn won’t post the photos?” he asks me as he leans on the bar. When the bartender looks our way, Will signals for two more drinks.
“I don’t know. But I don’t think so. It’s been nearly a whole day since I told her I wasn’t paying and if she were to do it, I think she would have done so by now. Besides, those photos incriminate her. It’s not exactly smart to be seen kissing your client. It would only damage her reputation in the end.”
“Fucking eh. So, she ended up being a bit of a nutter who was in love with you? Man, you get all the interesting stories, don’t you?”
I shrug. “I don’t know how interesting it is. She always seemed a bit…off. But you know how hot girls are.”
“Do I ever.”
“I mean, Alyssa is no different. But she’s an off that I can understand. We gel. We get each other.” I glance at Will, hoping I don’t look too pathetic. “Please tell me you’re here to talk about her.”
He gives me a sympathetic smile. “I’m here because you’re my friend and you especially need a friend right now. I’m not sure how much I should say about her.”
“Why wouldn’t you say anything?”
He scratches at his chin. “Well, you see, the missus…she told me not to.”
“And you listen to her?”
“I have to. I’m her husband.”
I sigh loudly. “I just want to know what’s going on. I would know myself but Alyssa won’t return a single text, call or email and yes I’ve shown up at her apartment. The only thing I haven’t done is show up at her work. Can I show up at the office?”
Will looks uneasy as he takes a sip. “Well if you do that, you won’t find her there.”
“What do you mean? What happened?”
“She gave her notice today,” he says.
“Gave her notice? As in she quit?”
Holy fuck. She actually did it.
“Yup. Called a meeting with me and Ted and laid it all down. I wasn’t surprised of course. Jackie warned me it was coming. But it was still quite a loss.”
I stare straight ahead, my eyes absently taking in the bottles behind the bar. “I can’t believe it. I mean…did Jackie tell you about the money part of the contract?”
“Sure did. And I know you didn’t give it to her yet. I know she doesn’t want it.” He gives me a look. “If you two end up talking again, don’t push it. You may think she’s earned it by putting up with you, hell, I may think she’s earned it, but she doesn’t want it.” He pauses. “That said, I have no idea how she’s going to afford London.”
“London!” I exclaim.
“I wasn’t supposed to tell you that,” he says sheepishly. “Anyway. Yes. London. England. She only gave one week notice too, which Ted and I aren’t too happy about. She flies out on Saturday. But Tiffany is more than eager to take over as office manager, so I know we aren’t too screwed. It could be worse.”
It could be worse? “For me, Will, this is the worst. How the fuck could it get any worse?”
He winces. “Yeah. I’m really sorry about that. I wish there was something I could do but…you know Alyssa. Once something is set in her mind, it’s hard to break. Honestly, I first thought that she’d just need time and maybe that’s still the case but this whole moving to London thing has really thrown us all off-guard. Says she wants to try her hand at acting again. I don’t know why she doesn’t do it here or even in LA but…well, I’m not going to try and figure her out.”
I shake my head and finish my drink. “I’m not giving up on her.”
“I admire that.”
“She’s just so fucking…prickly.”
“You got that right.”
“I just don’t know how to get her to talk to me.”
“Well if you can talk to her between now and then, then you have to convince her not to go.”
“That won’t be easy.”
“It won’t. And that’s even if she talks to you. She’s really hurt, Emmett. You got to see it from her side.”
“I do see it from her side. That’s why…that’s why I don’t want to push her too much either. I want to explain what happened, I mean I have before, but I really need her to see it. See that I love her, that I would never do anything to hurt her. That everything has been nothing but real. But I don’t want to push her. If she honestly doesn’t want me, if she can’t trust me…I’ll back off.”
“I don’t think that’s wise,” Will says after a few beats.
“Why?”
“I don’t normally give advice because, well, what do I know? But I have learned a few things over the years. And that’s that women like the grand gesture.”
I raise my brow. “What?”
“The grand gesture. You can’t just show up at their door and tell them how you feel. You have to do it with a boombox over your head, blasting Peter Gabriel.”
I make a fist. “Fucking Lloyd Dobler, that movie ruined it for the rest of us.”
And then Will launches into a long story about a girl he took to see Say Anything when he was in high school and how in love she was with John Cusack but I’m not really listening.
I’ve never done a grand gesture for anyone. Never really had to, to be honest. Never even been in the situation where I wanted a girl back.
But for Alyssa, I’ll do anything.
I’ve never felt as whole-hearted as I do when I’m with her, never felt so…full. Of life, of love, of passion. It’s not a matter of being complete and incomplete. It’s about being the better version of yourself.
She made me better.
And now I’ll have to prove it.
Chapter 21
Alyssa
It’s been seven days since Emmett and I broke up.
He’s come to my apartment four times.
He’s texted me 38 times.
Called me seven times.
Written me five emails.
And in the last three days, I’ve heard absolutely nothing.
Which is something I should be happy about. The fact that he’s stopped bugging me. That he’s letting me be, giving me space.
The problem is, the space between us is about to get larger.