“You live like that, you’re gonna be miserable,” Arrow replies quietly. “You have to do you, Tracker; I’m sure Lana will take you any way you come. If not, then she’s not the one for you.”
Arrow is off my Christmas list.
“She’s the one,” Tracker says quickly. “Feel it in my gut. She’s my old lady. She’s mine.”
“She’s stronger than you think,” Arrow says, taking a deep draw from the joint. “She’s small, but her mind isn’t.”
“I didn’t want her to know, the blood I have on my hands. She knows nothing. I thought that was best, but now it feels like she doesn’t really know all of me. I need her to accept all of me,” Tracker admits, lying down on his back, staring at the ceiling. “I’m not a good man, I don’t think. But I’m not a bad man. I’ve hurt people. Never a woman or a kid. But men, yes.”
“You’re a good man,” Arrow says gruffly. “And fuck you for thinking otherwise. We all have our demons, Tracker, some worse than others. When I see Lana, the way she looks at you. Fuck, man, just be up front with her. Pretty sure that girl will follow you straight to hell and back.”
“Hopefully that won’t be required,” Tracker replies in a dry tone, then admits in a whisper, “I’d kill for her. I just want to protect her.”
“And you do,” Arrow says. “But when shit gets tough, as it usually does at some point around here, you need to have her ready, not left in the dark.”
I step away and head back to the room, thinking about what I’d heard, feeling glad I’d heard it and guilty over hearing it at the same time. I had no idea he felt that way, that he was still trying to be what he thought I wanted him to be, not who he was.
Censoring himself.
I don’t want him to feel as though he has to. I’ve accepted him, who he is, what he belongs to. He wants me in deep, and I’m so deep that I can’t stand. Now, I just need to prove it to him.
* * *
The next time I wake up, he’s spooning me.
Much better.
I decide to wake him up with my mouth on him, trying not to be put off over what happened last time.
And when he comes, it’s my name he growls in pleasure.
* * *
“Lana, wait,” Anna calls, grabbing my arm. “Slow down.”
“What is it?” I ask, glancing around. We’d just had lunch together and I was about to start my first class for the day. Following her line of sight, I see four men on their bikes watching us. They aren’t Wind Dragons, nor are they Wild Men.
“Who are they?” I ask, trying to not make it obvious we’re talking about them.
“No idea, but I don’t like the way they’re watching us,” she says quietly, pulling me in the other direction. We get in my car and drive to the clubhouse first, then get Blade to drive me to school. Anna doesn’t want me to be alone, just in case. Class is boring and drags on. Instead of paying attention, I find myself writing out an outline for a new book. When it’s over, I’m surprised to see Tracker waiting for me instead of Blade.
“What a nice surprise,” I say, practically jumping into his arms.
“You and Anna did well today, coming back to the clubhouse instead of going off on your own,” he says, giving me a quick, sweet kiss.
“I know,” I say. “I think Anna is maturing. Did you find out who those men were?”
“Kind of,” he evades. “We’re going on a run tonight.”
“How long will you be gone for?” I ask, tilting my head to the side.
“Two nights,” he replies.
“Okay,” I say, trying not to show my disappointment. “Who’s staying behind this time?”
“Arrow,” he says. “And you’re going to stay in the clubhouse while I’m gone so I don’t have to worry about your ass.”
I puff out a breath. “Okay, yeah, I can do that.”
“That’s my girl,” he says, taking my bag from me. “Come on, let’s get out of here. I wanna spend time with you before we have to ride out.”
“Okay,” I say, then take a deep breath. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“What?” he asks, opening my car door for me. I look around. “How did you even get here?”
“Got dropped off by Rake,” he says. “Blade left with him. So what do you want to talk to me about?”
We get into the car and he waits patiently, looking at me expectantly. “I woke up last night and you weren’t in bed, so I went to find you. You were in the gym talking with Arrow and I kind of heard everything.”
Because I was trying to.
I leave out that part.
Tracker studies me in silence. “Just how much of it did you stay for?”
Yeah, he’s angry.
“I don’t know,” I say in a quiet, remorseful tone. “More than I should have. But it was about me, so obviously I listened. If it was about something else, then I wouldn’t have.”
I think.
He runs a hand through his hair, which is loose around his shoulders. “Fuckin’ hell, Lana—”
“I just want to be honest, so that’s why I’m telling you,” I say shyly. “I also want to tell you that I’m a writer. I kept that to myself too. I don’t know why. It was just mine, but I want it to be ours.”