“Well, hello,” someone said.
Finn let go of Maia. Maggie was standing at the end of the bed. She had the requisite doctor’s white coat on but under it she wore jeans and a knit shirt, the kind of clothing he’d see her in around town. She held an iPad, her finger running over the screen as she read it.
“Finn, I’m glad you’re here,” she said. “Maia will be happy with the cheering section. So, sweetheart, we’re going to get this done. Nice and early.”
“I didn’t think I’d see you tonight,” Maia said.
“Tonight and again tomorrow morning before the anesthesiologist gets to work. He’s here, by the way, and will come in shortly to talk to you about the anesthesia. I came up early—I wanted to see you tonight. I’m going to get a good sleep and I’m going to order you a little something so you get a good night’s sleep, too.”
“Are you nervous?” Maia asked.
“Not at all, Maia. I feel good about the procedure and I’ve done it many times before. Each time is unique, of course, but that’s why I studied and practiced. I’m very optimistic. The nurse will bring you a sedative in a little while. Finn? Are you going to be here tomorrow?”
“Yes,” he said. “Until I’m sure she’s all right.”
“Did Maia explain she’ll be in intensive care for at least a couple of days?”
He nodded.
“If it’s all right with her, you can see her for a few minutes after the surgery. The first few days can be a little stormy. We’ll be managing her pain and the drugs will make it impossible for her to be completely alert. My advice is once you know the surgery is over and successful, visit briefly, then go home. If it’s okay with Maia, I can give you updates on her condition. I’m staying the rest of the week.”
“Is it okay, Maia?” he asked.
“It’s okay, but Maggie said I’m going to look a little scary for a week or so. Maybe longer. I don’t want you to freak out.”
“I’m not going to freak out, even though it’s true that just getting my wisdom teeth pulled turned me into a giant, insane pain in the butt.”
That made her smile. “Boys just don’t do that well with pain, do they?”
“So I’ve been told,” he said.
“Then do what Maggie says. You can look at me, see I’m beat-up but breathing, then go. Maggie, can he call you for updates?”
“Sure,” she said. “I’ll give you my cell number. If I don’t answer I’m in surgery or with a patient and I’ll call you back. Try not to worry. We’re very good at this and we’re going to watch her closely. I know you know this but just let me repeat—there is recovery time involved. It will be a successful surgery but it’s serious. And we’re all going to work together to get her back to one hundred percent. It will take time and patience.”
“Are you scared?” he whispered to Maia.
“Of course,” she said. “But I want it over.”
“If you wake up in the night...”
“Aren’t you in a room with your dad?”
“That doesn’t matter,” Finn said. “He understands.”
“Um, excuse me for eavesdropping, but I’m planning a pretty hefty sedative,” Maggie said. “Both of you need to get some sleep.”
“What time are you starting?” Finn asked.
“We’ll take her to the OR at about 6:00 a.m.”
“I’ll be here before that to give you a kiss for luck,” Finn said.
* * *
Finn didn’t sleep well. It felt like a series of fifteen-minute naps through the night and he picked up his phone to see the time many times. Maia didn’t call him and he hoped that meant she was resting peacefully. He was up at four, before the alarm. He was at the hospital at five. His dad stayed in the big foyer at the entry and told Finn to go up to the third floor on his own. Rob didn’t want to intrude.
Maia’s parents were already there, of course.
He walked up to Maia’s bedside. “Hi,” he said. “Did you sleep?”
“I did. Did you?”
He shrugged. “I slept enough.”
“Well, I’m going to be asleep most of the day,” she said. “Maybe you can catch a nap today...”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you wake up,” he said. He gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. “When Maggie says it looks good, I’ll leave. I’ll come back when you’re feeling a little better. The weekend, maybe.”
Maia just smiled and said, “You’re the best boyfriend in the world.”
“I’ll probably turn rotten and take you for granted after you’re all healed.”
She leaned toward him and whispered in his ear. “Who will get you through freshman English next year if you piss me off?”
Maggie stuck her head in the room, iPad in hand, scrolling through notes. “Good morning,” she said. “I see you had a good night. You’re going to get a new hairdo, but don’t worry, it won’t be terrible or terribly obvious. We just want to make room for the incision. With all that wonderful long hair, you can probably work out a comb-over. I’ll see you in the OR. You’ll see everyone later. We’re setting up for you now.”
Maia was wheeled up to the OR and Finn and her parents followed. Then Finn staked out a chair in the waiting room outside the OR suite and Rob joined him there. After an hour, Rob took a walk. He seemed more anxious than Finn. Maia’s parents went in search of some coffee, knowing that the nurse in the OR would call them if necessary but that Maia wouldn’t be coming out for hours. Rob came back to check on Finn, then left again, going outside to use his phone.
But Finn didn’t move. Friends and even a couple of teachers texted him and asked him how things were going. Sid and Dakota texted. But Finn stayed right where he was. Rob insisted they go to the cafeteria for lunch but Finn made fast work of a sandwich and went back to the OR waiting room. From his spot, he watched a lot of doctors, nurses, techs and patients going in and out. When the day started, his mind was consumed with Maia’s well-being and recovery, but as the day progressed he was absorbed into the hospital atmosphere. Once, a man and woman both wearing scrubs ran through the OR doors and just that action caused him to shoot to his feet. Two hours later he saw them again, headed more calmly to the elevator, deep in conversation.
He felt the power and urgency of the place; he was fascinated by the sense of purpose. People were being saved here. Some, like his mother, wouldn’t make it, but if memory served, she had been surrounded by doctors and nurses as they battled to keep her alive. There were a couple of nurses at her funeral; they had been that invested in her. Maggie, whom he’d known for a few years, was always a jeans-clad woman who came into the pub for lunch or dinner with her husband now and then, a baby usually balanced on her hip. But today she was a superhero. She would be on her feet for eight hours or longer. She would do something very few people had the ability to do. She would save Maia’s life.
And Finn thought, Wouldn’t it be cool if I was smart enough to do something like that?
In many ways doth the full heart reveal
The presence of the love it would conceal.
—Samuel Taylor Coleridge
10
ROB SPENT A LOT of time walking around the hospital grounds. It was a busy place, lots of people coming and going, ambulances shrieking as they raced in. His phone beeped with a text. It was from Leigh. How’s it going?
We’re doing fine, he texted back. Let me know when you have a few minutes to talk and I’ll find a quiet bench outside.
Five minutes later she answered her phone. “Long day?” she asked.
“The longest,” he said. “Finn is completely dedicated. I could hardly pull him away from the waiting room for lunch. When I go back upstairs, I’ll bring him a Coke. But he’s holding up great. He got to give his girl a kiss before she went into surgery. And God bless Maggie, she told him he could see her later for a few minutes but Maia wouldn’t be up for much of a visit. She told him once he was assured Maia was going to be okay he should go home and let them do their work. I hope he takes that advice. I don’t want Maia worrying about how Finn’s doing—it’ll distract her and she’ll need rest. I take it there’s going to be a lot of pain.”
“And a lot of really powerful drugs. What about you? How are you holding up?”
He let out a breath. “Not as well as Finn. I hate hospitals.”
“Lots of people do,” she said.
“No, I really do. I can’t sit in there. I go back to see how Finn’s getting along, make sure he has food and drink, then get out. Last night when I brought Finn over here to see her, I waited in the car. In the parking lot.”
“Is it the smell? Does it make you feel sick?”
“It’s everything, but the smell is terrible. It’s antiseptic. All the doctors and nurses. All the hospital gowns and IV stands. I hate it.”
“Gee, that’s such a nice hospital,” she said. “So beautiful. Are you afraid you’re going to get germs or something?”
“That’s probably it,” he said. “My heart races, I break out in a sweat, even my vision blurs. I am not at peace in that building.”
“Oh Jesus, Rob. I think you’re having a panic attack. Probably PTSD.”
“I’ve never been in the military...”
“No, Rob—you had a very bad experience in a hospital. Your wife. And I bet you haven’t been back in one since.”
“I had to bring Sean to an emergency room when he hit his head during football practice. He was twelve.”
“Did your pulse race then?” she asked. “Did you feel desperate to get out of there?”
“Well, he’d hit his head!”
“And you almost passed out in my clinic...”