“I’m pissed that you waited until now to say that you love me,” he says, reaching over and pulling some toilet paper off the roll, handing it to me.
“Why are you mad?” I ask, confused as I blot my eyes.
“That should have been one of the moments you memorized,” he says, softly rubbing my cheek.
I smile, surprising myself, then lean in and rub my nose along his. “Me saying it isn’t memorable. You saying it back is what I will carry with me.”
“Swear to God, you’re gonna kill me,” he grunts, pulling me closer until I’m straddling him.
Placing my hands on his shoulders, I lower my face until we’re sharing the same breath. Neither of us speak in that moment. I don’t know what he’s thinking or feeling, and I can see that he wants to tell me something, but he doesn’t know how to do it. “What is it?” I whisper, moving my hands to hold his face.
“Nothing, it can wait,” he says smiling, but I notice it doesn’t reach his eyes. Before I can ask him what it is, he kisses me again, standing up and putting me on my feet. Vowing to ask him later I go to the sink and splash some water on my face, thankful I didn’t wear much makeup and my mascara is waterproof. His hands wrap around my waist and his mouth touches my neck as I dry my hands and face. “You don’t have to go back out there. You can go up to the room, or—”
“I’m not hiding,” I say, looking at his reflection in the mirror.
“If you go back out there, know that they will be on their best behavior.”
“Because you’re making them.” I frown. I don’t want them to be nice to me because of him. I want them to just accept my apology and move on.
“Not because of me, because of you. You just gutted everyone at that table.”
“I’m—”
His arms tighten around me, cutting off my apology before it can even leave my mouth. “You’re not going to say you’re sorry about that shit. They should have kept their mouths closed. They should have trusted me enough to know that I know what I’m doing, that I don’t need them cutting in.”
“They love you.” I remind him gently and his eyes go soft.
He shakes his head then kisses my temple. “You ready?”
I nod again and he takes my hand in his, leading me out of the bathroom. Once we reach the dining room, the conversation dies and Shayla gets up from her chair, coming towards me. Her eyes are red and her lips puffy. I can tell she has been crying, and I hate I did that to her.
“I’m so sorry, Lea,” she says, taking my hand.
“It’s okay,” I say automatically.
“It’s not.” More tears form in her eyes, and she shifts back and forth on her feet in front of me awkwardly, like a child who is unsure of what to do. “Can I hug you?” she whispers. I nod and she wraps her arms around me then sobs. I pat her back awkwardly then feel another set of arms wrap around me, and know instantly they are Bre’s, and she’s crying as well.
Surprisingly, I don’t cry during our embrace. I don’t even know the emotions I’m feeling. Then, Austin’s dad moves to us, pulling his wife away, followed by Shawn, who takes Bre into his side. “We’re so sorry, Lea. We didn’t even think about what you must have been feeling back then. We were just so upset by how you left that seeing you now, our emotions got the better of us,” Shayla says, wiping her eyes.
“I understand,” I say, wringing my hands in front of me, uncomfortable with the turn of events.
“Can we start over?” Bre asks, and I look at her and bite my lip, unable to even understand what the hell is going on in my head. Part of me wants to ask why, when fifteen years ago we didn’t speak. We were not close then, and I didn’t expect that to change now. All I craved was for them to look at it from my point of view, to see it through the eyes of a young girl who’d just lost her father to the same life her fiancé had been leading her towards. That thought causes a pang to hit my chest. Austin is still fishing; something could still happen to him. And I don’t know if I’m stronger now than I was back then.
“Lea.” Austin’s voice and his hand on my hip force my head to turn towards him. Seeing the concern in his eyes fills my chest with guilt. I have to try, for him.
“We can start over,” I say softly, looking at Bre then Shayla. Both women nod, but they still look unsure about how to act, which only makes me more uncomfortable.
“Let’s go back to eating before the babies wake up,” Shawn says, breaking the tension that had settled around the room.
“I’m going to get another glass of wine. Would anyone else like something?” I ask, heading towards the kitchen, needing just a few more minutes before sitting down at dinner with them again. The air may have been cleared, but my heart still hurts.
When everyone says no, I walk into the kitchen then squeak when I’m turned and lifted onto the counter, and then Austin’s mouth is on mine and his hips are between my legs. The first nip of his teeth on my bottom lip causes me to gasp and open my mouth to him. His tongue tangles with mine and his hand wraps around my hair, pulling back, causing my core to convulse. I never knew I would crave giving up control to someone else, but with Austin, every part of me comes alive under his touch. When he pulls his mouth from mine, we are both breathing heavily, my legs are tight around him, and my hands are wrapped around his shirt.