“Honey,” I breathed. “What’s wrong?”
“You don’t hate me,” he whispered.
I lifted my hands and placed them on his waist.
“No,” I said firmly, “I don’t.”
“I can see it in your smile,” he murmured, “and the way you were just looking at me.”
I gave him a little squeeze. “I’ve never hated you, hon. I was very angry with you, but hate was never an emotion that was directed at you, just about how you made me feel.”
“Was angry, meaning you aren’t anymore?”
I shook my head. “I’m more confused than anything. One minute I’m furious with you for lettin’ everythin’ run on so long without talkin’ to me, then the next I’m so understandin’ of the situation you were in and I get why you bottled it up and kept it a secret from me. My indecisiveness is drivin’ me insane.”
“But you’re here… why?” he quizzed. “I mean I’m so glad you’re here, but… why?”
I licked my lips. “Alec talked with me, and he was right, I have to believe in you, in us.”
“And do you?” he asked, his voice now raspy. “Do you believe in us? In me?”
“Yeah, I do,” I said with a firm nod. “I just won’t be able to pick up where we left off. I think we should just ease back into everythin’. In time my worries, my fear, and my doubts will fade away if we do this at a slow pace.”
“Yes,” Ryder rasped. “Anything to have you as mine again.”
“I’ll always be yours.”
“And I’ll always be yours, sweetness.”
Sweetness.
Hearing the term of endearment I loved so much caught my breath, and caused my heart to skip a beat.
“You’re you again,” I whispered. “I thought this Ryder would never come back to me.”
“I never left, babe,” he breathed, his skin flushed. “I thought I was protecting you by blocking you out, but now I see the damage I’ve caused. I’ve broken your heart, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. I am so sorry, sweetheart. So fucking sorry.”
“You can mend it,” I said, my voice tight with emotion. “You can make me heart forget about everythin’ and just revolve around you once more. I know you can.”
Ryder leaned down to kiss me, but I was hesitant.
“What if kissin’ leads to somethin’ more?” I questioned. “Is it too soon for it?”
“For someone who wants to be swept away, you sure ask for a lot of directions.”
I frowned. “I’m sorry, I’m tryin’.”
Ryder gave me a small smile. “I know, darling. Just let it happen, you don’t need to have control of this. Just feel.”
Just feel.
“I’m… I’m scared.” I whispered. “What if it’s not the same as before?”
Ryder stepped closer to me and whispered, “What if it’s better?”
My heart fluttered. “What if it’s too much?”
“Too much?” Ryder repeated. “Branna, it’s never enough. I can never get enough of you. Do you understand that? I’m addicted to you.”
I sucked in a deep breath, and locked my knees together when my legs began to tremble.
“Everything about you is alluring to me.” Ryder continued. “Your face, your body, your smile, your voice, your laugh, your hair, your scent, your personality. Fucking hell, sweetness, you’re it for me. You have been since I laid my eyes on you five years ago.”
My chest was rising and falling rapidly as my heart slammed into my ribcage.
Ryder stroked his thumbs over my cheeks, and with his alluring eyes he looked right through me and found my soul. “I. Love. You. Branna.”
I forced down the lump of emotion that sat in my throat and whispered, “I love you, too, Ryder. So much it hurts.”
He wasted no time in claiming my mouth with his, kissing me with a hunger I hadn’t known from him in a long time, and unlike before, I didn’t stop him. I kissed him back, and when he pulled away, I was delighted to find I didn’t want him to.
“You’re the light of my life,” Ryder said, breathing heavily against my lips. “Without you everything was dark, and unappealing. I didn’t want to live without you.”
His honesty made me cry.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
I opened my eyes and stared into his.
“I. Love. You.” He said clearly. “I never want to be without you. Never.”
I clung to him
“Marry me,” Ryder said with his next breath. “I know we’re going to take this slow, but say you will marry me. I will still move at a speed you are comfortable with, but I need you to agree to marry me.”
I sniffled.
“We’re already engaged,” I said, confused.
“We were on the verge of ending things for good, I need to hear you say you still want to be with me for the rest of our lives. Please, darling, I need to hear you say it. I need to.”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. “Yes, I still want to marry you. I want nothin’ more. We’re in this for the long haul.”
Ryder lifted his hand and lifted his pinkie finger to me.
“Forever?” he said.
I hooked my finger tightly around his, and with my heart pumping with nothing but pure love I said, “Forever.”