Ryder nodded. “That was Lucy, she’s my contact, not my mistress.”
His contact?
I stared at him. “Are you hearin’ yourself right now?”
“I know, none of this makes sense but if you let me explain, it will.”
“No,” I replied instantly. “I don’t want to hear it, I wanted to hear it the first thousand times I asked, but not anymore. I am done with this conversation, and with you.”
“You don’t owe me anything, but darling, I owe you this explanation. Please let me give it to you.”
I wanted to shut him down again, but I couldn’t, it was like my body physically refused me to say the word ‘no’ again. I wanted to know what he had to say; I wanted to know the truth. He was right. I deserved that much.
“You’ll tell me where you went every night if it wasn’t to this Lucy?”
He sighed. “Yes, but it doesn’t start there, I have to start from the beginning—”
“No, answer that first then start from the beginnin’.”
“I can’t, it won’t make sense,” he said and looked down.
“Look at me,” I demanded.
He did. Ryder looked up at me, and when I saw unshed tears in his eyes; it broke through some of the protective ice that had layered itself around my heart.
“Branna,” he whispered, his body trembling. “Please. I know how hard this is, but trust me.”
No, I told myself. He wasn’t using that against me.
I shook my head. “I can’t do this anymore, Ryder. I can’t handle the lies. The deceit has broken me, you have broken me more than Big Phil ever could.”
Ryder visibly paled as he took a hesitant step towards me, but I held my ground.
“I don’t give a shite if it confuses me, tell me where you went every night right now, or I swear I will never even look at you again. This is your last fuckin’ chance to ever tell me the truth. The whole truth.”
There it was—the ultimatum I should have given him a long fucking time ago.
“Every night I had to meet with my contact Lucy from the FBI, get wired up, and go to Darkness where I was a mole for information against Brandon Daley.”
I stared at Ryder when he finished speaking; I stared at him for a long time before I said, “Get out.”
“No, Branna—”
“Get fuckin’ out!” I screamed. “Do you think this is funny? Do you think tearin’ me apart then tryin’ this bullshit on with me is fuckin’ funny?”
“It’s the truth!” Ryder shouted over me. “Just listen.”
“No—”
“Branna?”
I looked to my doorway when my sister called my name. My eyes instantly dropped to her round belly, and I said, “Are you okay?”
She nodded. “I’m fine… I just… you have to listen to ‘im.”
I stared at Bronagh and couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but before I had a chance to say anything, she pressed on.
“You have refused to be around Ryder since you got home from the hospital, but do you remember when I said Dominic agreed to a family meetin’ so we could get all this shit out into the open?”
I managed a small nod.
“We had that meetin’ last night when you were sleepin’, and trust me, you have got to listen to what Ryder has to say. I know what pulled ‘im from you, and it’s not what you think. I promise.”
My eyes pooled with tears as she closed my bedroom door.
“If you don’t trust me, Bran, trust your sister. Listen to what I have to say. Please.”
I looked back at Ryder and before I broke down I said, “Start from the beginnin’, and don’t leave anythin’ out.”
I couldn’t even begin to form a clue as to what he said before Bronagh came in.
The FBI?
Wired up?
A mole?
Brandon Daley?
The only thing I could think of was, what the fuck?
Instead of speaking, Ryder removed his jacket and jumper then gripped the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it up to his chin. I raised my eyebrows at what I saw.
He… was wearing a wire.
I stared at the black cable that was stuck—with what looked like surgical tape—to his chest, then to the tiny black box that was taped at his lower abdomen. I flicked my eyes between the two then looked up to Ryder to find his eyes were drilled onto me watching him.
“You’re wearin’ a wire,” I murmured.
“Yes,” Ryder swallowed. “I am, this one is not active. I broke it, but I just wanted to show it to you so you know what it looked like.”
“Why’re you wearin’ a wire?” I asked when he lowered his t-shirt.
“Sit down and I’ll tell you everything.”
An emotion I couldn’t explain surged through me when I realised that he was, in fact, finally going to tell me the reason for our life together ending.
“Sit down,” he prompted once more.
I looked at my bed and moved over to the end of it where I climbed up and sat down, letting my legs hang over the edge. Ryder grabbed the chair in front of my vanity desk and placed it in front of me. He sat down and leaned his elbows onto his knees leaving only a little bit of space between his knees knocking against mine.
I had to tense my entire body when his scent surrounded me and the familiarity of it caused my insides to flutter and come to life. The urge to reach out and touch him consumed me so I shoved my hands under my thighs to keep from doing so.