“Have to be honest, Jess, that I really hate hearing that. It fucking kills me, okay? It tears me up inside, knowing how I made you feel. But I can’t fix the things I’ve already done. I can only promise you to be a better man going forward. And I am promising you that. I’ll do whatever it takes. Whatever you need me to do. Just tell me.”
I wasn’t above falling to the floor and getting on my knees, my hands in a prayer position, if that’s what it took. I’d do anything. Anything to make this right.
Jess stared at her hands, not meeting my eyes. “I don’t know.”
“Do you still love me? Hell, do you still have any feelings for me at all?”
That got to her. I saw it all over her face.
“Yes,” she said, not specifying which question she was answering, but it didn’t matter.
“Do you want me to leave and never come back?”
Her face fell, and when she met my gaze, her eyes glistened. “No.”
“I’ve suffered, Jess. I know you probably don’t think I have, because you haven’t been the one dishing it out to me, but I swear to you that I’ve suffered on a daily basis without you. Please don’t make me suffer any more if it’s not what you really want. Don’t try to prove a point here. It’s only wasting time, and I don’t want to waste any more time without you.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks at my words.
I was scared to touch her without permission, even though every part of me wanted to claim every part of her again. When I reached toward her, she all but dived into my arms, throwing her arms around my neck and pulling me tight.
“I just don’t want to be stupid,” she mumbled into my shirt. “You hurt me so much, but I still love you. I always thought we’d end up together, but then you got engaged, and I knew there would never be an us again. I hated that the most.”
I pulled back far enough to look her in the eyes. “I promise that if you choose to forgive me, it will be the least stupid thing you ever do in your life.”
She giggled against my chest. “Of course you’re going to say that. You’re your biggest fan.”
“And my worst enemy,” I added. “Forgive me, Jess? Please say you’ll try.”
When she said she would, my heart skipped a beat. I’d take it.
“Can I kiss you?” I wanted to tell her I was going to kiss her, give her no option, but it didn’t feel like the right time to go all alpha male on her while I was still on shaky ground.
“If you don’t, I might never forgive you,” she said before pressing her lips to mine.
I opened my mouth, begging her to do the same, and she did. Our tongues met in the middle, touching softly before pulling away. Kissing her was pure joy, like tasting heaven.
But more importantly, kissing her reminded me where I belonged and with whom.
Life is Unexpected
Jess
Nick had confessed so much to me tonight, filling in all the gaps of the past year, and all I offered him was a simple I’ll try when it came to forgiving him. After he’d walked out of his wedding today and come straight here.
For me.
For us.
I wanted to do more than try. My past hurts couldn’t be erased in the minutes it took him to apologize, but Nick’s intentions had been good. I couldn’t overlook the fact that he had been making decisions he thought were in my best interest, no matter how much they might have frustrated me. He’d also tried to keep me safe, and I’d never known anyone, aside from my parents, who would go that far for me.
I had no idea how I would have reacted if put into a similar situation, but I’d like to assume that I would have done whatever it took to keep Nick safe as well. I couldn’t hold that against him, and to be honest, I didn’t want to. That kind of character trait was rare in people, especially in guys. And here Nick was, willingly throwing away a guaranteed future to make sure I got to keep mine.
I believed him when he said he was sorry. And all the promises he’d made to me tonight while we sat on my bed? I believed those too. The moment his lips touched mine, I was a goner. When you shared a connection like we had, it wasn’t something that was easily brushed off or ignored. You couldn’t pretend it didn’t exist.
A knock on my bedroom door caused us both to turn and stare at it, even though whoever was behind it couldn’t see us.
“Pizza’s here,” Rachel said. “I mean, you’ve probably worked up an appetite with how long you two have been in there, and to be honest, I’m dying out here not knowing what’s going on in there, so come out right now!” she yelled at the end.
I laughed. “We’ll be right there.”
“Do I get some?” Nick asked.
His gaze on me was gentle, but I hated that he didn’t look completely relaxed. I knew it was because I hadn’t given him cause to.
“You definitely get some.” When Nick laughed, my cheeks burned as I quickly added, “Pizza. You definitely get some pizza.”
He pushed himself off my bed first before giving me a hand. “Come here,” he said, pulling my body against his and holding me tight. “I thought I was never going to get to do this again.” His grip on me tightened.
“Me too,” I agreed as I tightened my hold on him as well.
“We’re going to be okay, right?” he asked, his breath warm against my neck.
I nodded, not wanting to make him think otherwise anymore. “I think we’re going to be better than just okay.”