My hand covered my mouth. No way. No. Way.
“But you and Josie were together for so long . . .” I was sure I was missing something. “I mean, the two of you never . . . like never . . .”
He shook his head once. “Nope. We never . . or never had sex.”
There was only one question to ask. “Why?”
It wasn’t because I was judging him because of it; I just couldn’t conceive of it. The oldest virgin I’d ever met was a seventeen-year-old. Never would I have guessed the god in human form Jesse Walker, a nineteen-year-old all-man guy, would be one.
Jesse sat down on the edge of the mattress and dropped his hand over my knee. “Josie and I got together when we were young. In a small town where everyone knows everyone else, you don’t sleep with a girl you’re not intending to marry unless you want her dad coming after you with a shotgun. I wasn’t sure I was ready to make either kind of commitment to Josie back then, and after that, we just sort of kept with the same kind of routine when it came to the physical part of our relationship.” He lifted his shoulders. “I guess neither of us were ready to make that kind of commitment.”
Commitment and love. Sex as the added bonus. I wasn’t familiar with that equation. I had been so sure it was a bold-faced lie. Yet there it was, love, commitment, and the added bonus, sitting beside me.
Had anything I’d known of life up until that summer been true?
“Jesse,”—I rested my hand on his—“I’m not a virgin, you know. I haven’t been one in a long time.”
“I know.” He nodded.
I bit my lip and looked him in the eyes. “Are you sure you want your first time to be with me?” If I could have gone back in time and changed everything—said no to all the boys and waited for a night with Jesse Walker—I would have done it. I wouldn’t have needed a second to consider.
“Rowen—”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk around the topic or have him sugar-coat anything. I wanted the truth, cold and hard if that’s what it was.
“Are. You. Sure?”
Jesse scooted closer until his face was just a few inches from mine. Both of his hands moved to my face and those eyes of his blazed into mine. “I’m sure.” If the conviction in his words didn’t prove it, his expression did. “I love you, and I’m sure, Rowen. Now, why don’t you help me figure out how that whole rocking-your-world thing works?”
I grinned again. Frowning was impossible when Jesse beamed at me that way. “There’ll be a lot of hands-on coaching,” I said, leaning closer until I almost tasted the salt on his skin. “But I promise to return the favor.” When my mouth pressed into the base of his neck, Jesse’s skin erupted with goosebumps.
“I’m fully committed to this whole endeavor,” he said, his voice rough.
“Good,” I whispered against his skin. Grabbing hold of his arms, I drew him closer. “Then get over here and make love to me.”
Jesse shifted, and then he was pressing into me, laying me back onto the mattress. His arm wound around my back and the other traveled down my hip, winding around to my backside. His mouth covered mine as he lowered himself onto me. He didn’t crush all of his weight against me. I saw the strain in his shoulders from holding his weight.
His tongue played with the seam of my mouth, although I didn’t need much encouragement to grant him access. When my tongue touched his, he lowered the rest of himself on top of me, and the sigh I moaned into his mouth wasn’t quiet or short. His erection pressed hard into my stomach, and even though I could barely breathe with it there, I wanted it pressed hard into something else.
My hand left his back and felt around the mattress, searching for that little box.
I kept pace with his kissing in the midst of my search and almost cried out with joy when my fingers touched that box. I grabbed what I needed and ripped one free of the strip. I needed both hands to tear the wrapper open, but it didn’t take long. The whole time, Jesse’s hands, mouth, and body continued their pursuits. Each kiss brought me closer, each touch lifted me higher. When his h*ps flexed against mine, I let out another moan.
“Damn, Jesse,” I breathed, maneuvering my hands down where I needed them.
“What?”
“I need you to slow down and suit up or else I’m going to come before you even get a chance to lose your virginity.”
He was breathing so hard he was almost panting and his face was flushed. “Am I doing something wrong?”
“No,” I said instantly. “You’re doing something very, very right.”
That smug smile reappeared, and his h*ps flexed against mine again. Even if I’d wanted to, I couldn’t hold in the sound that slipped from my mouth.
He said, “I’ve only waited twenty years for this moment. I’ve been playing this whole thing out in my head for a while, so it’s good to know it’s working in real life.”
“It’s working,” I emphasized, right as my hand wrapped around him.
That smugness washed right off of his face. In fact, all emotion other than desire left his face.
I smoothed my hand down his entire length, then up, and repeated the process until I wasn’t so sure he would be able to hold himself back if I did it one more time.
“How was that?” I asked, rolling the condom into place.
“Speechless,” he panted, flexing into my hand as I finished with the condom.