I wanted to reach out and remove the pain I saw so clearly on his face, but I didn’t know how. So I scooted closer and hesitantly placed my hand over his. His skin was warm, and almost immediately, Jesse’s shoulders relaxed.
“Are you glad it ended?” I asked.
“I wasn’t. Not for a while. Josie and I’d been together for a long time. She knew things about me no one else knew, and I knew things about her no one knew, but now I’m better with it.”
“Why’s that?” My hand took on some of his heat. I felt it going deep and spreading up my arm.
“I took it one day at a time until I could move on,” Jesse replied, then he smiled down at the blankets. “And then I met this other girl.”
Knife through the heart. So that’s what it felt like.
“Another girl is always the cure for a guy to get over another girl,” I said, working to keep my voice level. “They say that after a break up, a woman mourns and a man moves on. Looks like they are right.”
The corners of his mouth twitched. Amusement? Irritation? “Josie and I broke up six months ago, and I haven’t been on a single date since. I wouldn’t consider that a rebound move-on.”
“So why haven’t you gone out with said ‘this other girl’? Because you and I both know based on your looks alone, you could land any girl you want.” I said, taking another good look at his “looks”. Almost painful so close up. “That’s not even taking your personality into account.” Because really, as good looking as Jesse was, his personality was just as attractive.
“Wait. Did you just say you think I’m hot? On the outside and the inside?” When he looked up at me, I could better make out that expression. Amusement.
That’s why I didn’t just lay it all out there. Because people could respond to my gut spilling with amusement.
I moved my hand from Jesse’s. “I’m not going to answer that until you answer my question. Why haven’t you asked her out?”
“I’ve tried, but she’s kind of dodged the idea,” he said, cracking his neck. “She’s been avoiding me.”
“You had the attention of every female in attendance tonight, and you expect me to believe this girl is avoiding you?” I said, letting my sarcasm loose. “Who would avoid you?”
When Jesse’s eyes slid back to mine, with a look in them that would have dropped me if I hadn’t been sitting, I knew. And then I realized how dense I was at times.
“Don’t answer that,” I said, unsure if I should scoot closer or as far away from him as I could. I was torn. Half of me wanted to follow that desire I had for him, and the other half wanted me to stay away from him because I knew I’d eventually do what I did best and make a huge mess of things.
“Why not?” he said, making the decision for me and scooting closer. “Why don’t you want to know that I like you, Rowen? Why don’t you want me to tell you I’m so damn attracted to you, I almost don’t trust myself to be alone with you like we are right now? Why don’t you want to know that I care about you so much, I wanted to rip Garth Black’s throat out tonight for saying those things?” Jesse paused just long enough to take a breath. “Why?”
I wasn’t living my life right now. This wasn’t Rowen Sterling’s life. Guys like Jesse didn’t say those kinds of things to me. They didn’t look at me the way he was now. No guy said or felt those kinds of things for me, because I wasn’t the kind of girl who deserved to be adored. Or cherished. Or whatever it was that Jesse was expressing.
I wanted to be that girl that deserved the way he was looking at me. I wanted to be that girl that deserved him . . . but I wasn’t that girl. Not yet. Maybe never. I wasn’t sure. Willow Springs brought something out in me, almost like it was drawing out the poison inside of me and filling in the empty places with purpose. It was too early to be sure, but something was happening. Something big.
I couldn’t look away from him even when I tried. “Jesse, why do you like me?” It made no sense to me. None at all.
His hand settled along my jawline. Slowly lifting my head until I looked straight at him, his eyes blazed. “Why do you think I shouldn’t?”
That question rocked my world. Or upended it, more accurately. I had the first part of the answer to his question: I didn’t deserve him. But the second part, the why I didn’t deserve him, I came up empty on. Since I knew he was waiting for an answer, I’d just have to give him the best one I had.
“For a whole bunch of reasons—”
“That aren’t valid,” he interrupted, shaking his head.
“They’re valid to me,” I shot back, knowing I needed to put some space between us. So what did I do? I pressed my cheek harder into his large hand.
“They aren’t to me, and if you don’t mind picking this conversation up later on, there’s something I’ve really been wanting to do.” His voice went lower, even a bit rougher.
“What’s that?” I asked needlessly. What he wanted to do was pretty obvious from the desire in his eyes as he studied my mouth.
Jesse scooted closer. So close, more of my body touched some part of his than didn’t. His hand framing my face slid back around to my neck. His thumb skimmed the skin just under the collar of my shirt, causing my skin to erupt in goosebumps. Jesse’s touch was powerful stuff, I’d known that from the first day I’d shook hands with him, but having his hands touch and caress me in gentle, intimate ways made the power of his touch difficult to bear.