Missy comes over to me and asks me if I’m okay, her eyes skittering away from mine when I look up at her. Obviously she saw my "mom" trying to make out with me in my hospital bed. Jesus. I grit my teeth in humiliation and shame. "I don’t know how she got past us, Jake. We were all sitting right at the front desk. I’m so sorry," she says quietly.
"It’s not your fault, Missy," I say. When that woman wants something, she uses any means necessary. Missy takes my vitals and then tells me she’ll check on me in a couple hours, walking out and closing the door behind her.
Dr. Fox hasn’t moved from the spot by the door. He’s frowning at me as he walks over and sits down in the chair next to my bed.
"Hey Doc, do you mind if we re-schedule? I’m not feeling real up for talking right now."
"It seems to me that this might be a really good time to talk," he says gently.
I shake my head. "No, really. I’m not up for it. Plus, I’m not feeling very well. I need to sleep. I have another surgery scheduled for tomorrow morning…"
He’s quiet for a moment, pursing his lips. "Okay, son." He puts his hand on my shoulder and I flinch slightly. He removes it and looks at me for another moment before moving away.
"I’ll check on you tomorrow afternoon after your surgery. We can re-schedule a session for early next week, okay? But you call me if you want to talk sooner than that."
I nod blankly. I’m just so damn tired. I want to be alone. I want to sleep.
He walks to the door and looks back at me one last time. He looks as if he’s struggling with himself over something.
As he closes the door behind him, I hear a familiar voice in the hall. Preston. He told me he’d visit me this week when he was in town for some meetings in the San Diego office. I’ve been slowly trying to get back to work, participating in some conference calls and going over reports on my laptop. I have so much to do to get myself up to speed enough to start running things in Cincinnati.
But I can’t even think about that now. I feel overwhelmed, weak, sickened.
The voices trail away down the hall, growing quieter. Dr. Fox must have told him I wasn’t up for company. Thank God. I’m not. I close my eyes, letting the depression that Lauren’s presence always evokes wash over me. I fall into a restless sleep.
CHAPTER 10
As soon as I get a break at work the next day, I call Evie. I need to see her. I feel an overwhelming need to hear her voice, just to remind myself that this is not a dream. She’s back in my life. She doesn’t answer and so I shoot her a text message.
Just as I’m heading into a board meeting, my phone rings and I see that it’s her. I stop walking and move to the side of the hallway outside the conference room. "Evie."
"Hi, Jake," she says, sounding a little unsure. I exhale. God, just to hear her voice feels so damn good.
"Listen, I'm running into a meeting so I can only talk for a minute but I'd like to take you to dinner tonight."
"Oh," she says, sounding surprised. "Um, I–"
"Evie, it's a yes or yes question," I say jokingly.
I hear the smile in her voice as she says, "I – yes, that will work."
Thank God. I grin. "Great. I'll pick you up at seven."
"Um–"
"See you tonight, Evie," I say, hanging up quickly, not giving her a second to back out. Everyone looks up at me curiously as I walk into the conference room. I realize I have a stupid grin on my face and school my expression. Focus! But, is this real? Did I really just say, "See you tonight, Evie?" It takes effort not to grin through the whole damn meeting.
**********
I leave work at five and head to the gym for a quick workout. I’m showered and dressed by six thirty. I know it’s too early to leave, but despite the vigorous workout, I’m so restless I’m pacing the floor of my condo. Fuck it. I’m going to be early but I don’t care. I’m over eager to see Evie and I realize that, but I don’t plan to hide from her the fact that I want her. At this point, I think I’m probably incapable of playing it too cool. I don’t want to scare her off but I also want her to know that I’m into her. I’m pretty sure she’s at least attracted to me and for now, that’s enough to give me the confidence to move forward. I’m a twenty-three year old man who feels like he’s going on his first date. I have to chuckle at myself. But this is Evie. This thought both comforts and scares the shit out of me.
I tried to date a few women over the years. It never felt right to me to have purely physical relationships. That was nothing that ever brought me satisfaction on any level. But despite the fact that I gave it a shot once or twice, I always ended up feeling even worse about attempting to form an emotional relationship with someone. A physical relationship was one thing, but an emotional attachment always left me feeling the guiltiest of all, as if that was the ultimate betrayal to Evie. Not only was I left with an emptiness after each "date," but I was left disinterested as well, which made me feel shitty as hell on several different levels. No one ever came close to making me feel like Evie did. I was destined to compare every woman I met for the rest of my life to the girl who still owned my heart. It wasn’t fair to anyone. After a couple dating attempts, I threw in the towel and vowed that I’d never be close to anyone again. I had betrayed Evie, and I deserved to live a life of loneliness. I wanted to live a life of loneliness.