“So Laura left you?”
He nodded. “Yes, when Madison was three. And much to the dismay of my family, I acted like I didn’t care. I partied and carried on with women and tried to go back to school and finish up. But I was miserable. Because I knew what Laura’s dad and my dad and my grandfather said was true—I wasn’t being a man. I was being a child, a selfish brat. I hadn’t owned up to my actions. I hadn’t taken responsibility.”
This selfish brat Charlie sounded a lot like the one I remembered from childhood. Had he really changed? Or was that person still hiding somewhere inside him? “So then what happened?”
“A series of things that made me re-evaluate my life.”
“Such as?”
Charlie took a breath. “When Madison was five, Laura remarried and moved up here to Ann Arbor. I didn’t argue it at the time, and I came up to see Madison only sparingly.” He shook his head. “I don’t even know why Laura allowed it. And the worst thing was, Madison would be so happy to see me, this stranger who bought her things and let her eat candy and doted on her only when it was convenient. I could tell it drove Laura and Blake—that’s her new husband—crazy.”
“And then?”
“Laura and Madison were in a car accident last winter, about a year ago. Some asshole drunk ran a red light at three in the afternoon, crashed into the passenger side of their car, where Madison’s little seat was. Laura was fine but Maddie had broken bones and swelling in her brain. I raced up here and sat by her side for two days, begging God to give me another chance.”
I stared, wide-eyed, jolted by the unexpected turn of his story. “Was she OK?”
He nodded. “But when she woke up, she didn’t recognize me. It was like a bullet to the chest. Then Laura told me Blake wanted to adopt Madison. She wasn’t mean about it. She just said that I hadn’t been a good father and Madison needed stability, especially as she recovered. The best thing I could do for her would be to give her up. Stop confusing her.” Charlie looked at me, and honest to God, his eyes were wet. “She’d started calling Blake Daddy.”
I didn’t have it in me to say good, you deserved it. But I sort of felt it.
“It hit me hard. Here I had brought this child into the world, and I hadn’t been grateful enough. Hadn’t been good enough. Hadn’t been man enough.”
Damn right. “She recovered?”
He nodded. “She did, thank God. And I kept my promise. I moved up here and begged Laura to give me another chance to be Madison’s dad.”
“What did she say?”
“She said no, at first. She said I had given up my rights and I should just sign the papers and let Blake adopt her. They were having another baby, and I could see it would be the perfect little family. Blake loves her like his own, I know he does, but she isn’t his own. She’s my own.”
“Fine. So you moved here to be a dad. That still doesn’t explain why you felt like you had to hide it from me.”
“I didn’t do it to hurt you, Erin. I did it because one of Laura’s stipulations for time with Madison is that there can’t be any women around. That’s why I don’t date.”
I bristled a little. “That doesn’t seem fair, not that you deserve any breaks from her.”
“That’s what she wanted. And I had no room to argue.” He looked uncomfortable. “After Laura and I were separated but before we divorced, there were times that Madison saw other women at my house.”
Nauseated, I put a hand over my mouth.
“It confused her, and she asked her mom about them. Of course, Laura was livid. Rightfully so.”
I didn’t even know what to say.
Charlie rolled his shoulders as if to relieve tension or shrug off the shame of the memory. “So in order to prove I was serious about being a father, I had to promise that there wouldn’t be any women coming and going around Madison. And there haven’t been.”
“Not that you’ve been celibate,” I said archly.
“I’d be lying if I said that. I don’t want to lie anymore.”
Ugh. At least he looked me in the eye.
“But there hasn’t been some sort of parade of women in and out of my bed, either, if that’s what you’re thinking,” he went on. “I have Madison every other weekend now, and I’ve been really focused on her, adjusting everything in my life to be a better father—and enjoying it too. In fact, until you, it had been months. And if you’re wondering, no—there hasn’t been anyone since I met you.”
“Not even Krista with a K?” I couldn’t resist asking.
That brought a cautious smile. “Especially not Krista with a K.” He lowered his voice. “After that rainy night in your kitchen, I told myself to leave you alone—I knew I couldn’t offer you what you wanted, what you deserved.”
“But you didn’t leave me alone,” I said pointedly.
He shook his head. “I couldn’t. I wanted to see you again so badly, and I figured if I took a date to your class, I’d be safe.”
I blinked—that was his plan? Boy, had he botched it. “You might have been safe. Except that you came back later.”
He closed his eyes and exhaled, and I wondered if the sight of me crawling toward him on the studio floor was going through his mind like it was mine. “I did.” He met my eyes. “And I don’t regret it.”