Horseshit. I shrugged. “Decent. Yours?”
“Decent.” He took a sip from his cup before setting it down and putting both hands on the table. “There’s a lot I want to say.”
“There’s a lot I want to hear.”
“But first I need to apologize for my behavior the last time we met. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. I get…frustrated with myself and my bad decisions, and I take it out on others sometimes. It’s something I need to work on. Forgive me.”
Moved by his simple request, some of my self-righteousness dissipated. “I didn’t behave very well either. I was hurt and angry and felt betrayed—but I should have given you a chance to explain without all the yelling and accusations. I owe you an apology too.”
“You don’t owe me anything.”
I put a hand over his. “Then just let me offer it, OK? I’m sorry. And I’m ready to listen.” I sat back, hoping that was true. “So. You have a daughter.”
“Yes. Her name is Madison. She’s seven.”
“Do you have a picture of her?”
He pulled out his phone and flipped through his photos until he found what he was looking for. For some reason, I was so nervous I could barely breathe. “Here she is.” He turned the screen toward me, and I took in the image of an angel-faced little girl with chin-length honey-blonde hair and Charlie’s blue eyes. She was grinning up at the camera with a missing-tooth smile and proudly displaying her right arm, which was covered with temporary tattoos.
“She’s beautiful.”
“Thanks.”
I leaned closer. “Are those…frogs?”
“Yeah. She’s crazy about frogs, for some reason.” He looked at the photo again, unable to keep a smile from his face. It was a different kind of smile than I’d ever seen on him—affectionate and prideful. He even sounded different when he talked about her.
I leaned back again. “My mother heard about her from someone at church who keeps in touch with your mom.”
Charlie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I figured that would happen eventually. I was going to tell you, Erin. I wanted to tell you. So many times. In fact, I was going to tell you the weekend we fought about it.”
I stiffened. Of course he was. “That’s two months too late, Charlie. You should have told me right from the start.”
“I know that now. But there’s a reason I didn’t say anything right away, and then the more time that passed, the more difficult it got. But I don’t want you to think it’s something I take lightly, or that the reason I didn’t tell you has anything to do with you personally.”
I shook my head. “I’m confused, Charlie. How could it not have anything to do with me? From my perspective, you didn’t care enough about me or about us to disclose who you really are. Being a father is a serious thing.”
“It is, and I came to that realization way too late. I’ll tell you everything if you’ll hear me out.”
I took a breath. Steady. Steady. “OK.”
“I once told you I have a bad track record with nice girls. Junior year at Purdue, I took advantage of one.”
“How so?”
“Laura was the ex-girlfriend of a guy in my fraternity I didn’t get along with. He was always complaining that she didn’t put out, and I bet him I could succeed where he had failed.”
My stomach turned. “Ew. So you slept with her?”
He grimaced. “Eventually. First, I got her to fall for me. Trust me.”
“Why?” I shook my head, disgusted. “Just so you could win a bet?”
His tone grew slightly defensive.“At the beginning it was that, yes. But she was pretty and fun and smart, and I liked her a lot. We ended up dating for a while, but I was never a good boyfriend.” He paused, his shoulders slouching. “Then she got pregnant.”
“I see.”
“When she told me, I freaked out. Accused her of doing it on purpose to trap me.”
“God,” I said, folding my arms over my churning insides. My good will was diminishing quicker than I’d hoped. “That’s revolting.”
“I know.”
“Go on. What happened after she got pregnant?”
Charlie stared at the table top as he continued. “Laura didn’t believe in abortion, which was what I wanted her to do. I offered to pay for it.”
“How nice of you.”
He winced at my sarcasm but went on. “She told her family, and her father came down to school and demanded that I take responsibility for my actions like a man. My father said the same thing. Then my grandfather called—same thing.”
“Oh good, you actually have a grandfather. I wondered.”
He raised his eyes from the table. “Of course I have a grandfather. And he is important to me—I didn’t lie about that.”
Great, that’s one thing, at least. But it’s not enough. “So you married this girl.”
“Yes. I married her, dropped out of school and took a job to support her and Madison, but I was a terrible husband and father. I was twenty-one and angry and resentful that this thing had ruined my life. All my plans.”
“That’s pretty callous, Charlie.”
He looked pained. “I know. But at the time, I was too young and stupid to realize what I was throwing away. I wasn’t there for Laura at all when Madison was born, or when she was a baby. I missed almost everything.”