What my body is jonesing to finish right now, but I felt like an ass. When I’m with a girl I do it so I don’t have to feel. But I was feeling and I don’t like it. All those unwelcomed emotions made me bail.
But we both want it. Both want it bad so that makes my guilt even more f**ked up.
When class gets over I grab my stuff and head out. My car’s running for now so I head out to the lot and get in, turn it on, but don’t go anywhere.
I don’t know why the hell I’m sitting here, flipping my phone over in my hand. My head is all screwed up, but I don’t know why, which pisses me off more.
My phone beeps and I turn it over to see a text from Cheyenne.
What’s up?
Waitin on u I text back. Which is only half a bullshit answer, but it sounds good. Today’s a late day for me so it’s already after three, but I don’t know what her schedule is. For all I know she’s not even here.
I have another hour…after?
My pulse jackhammers like I’m a sixteen-year-old about to get laid for the first time.
Meet u at ur dorm Is all I say and then drive my dumbass around like I have a reason to wait for her when she can drive herself.
When she walks up a little over an hour later I’m leaning against my car waiting for her. She’s back to public Cheyenne with tight jeans that probably cost more than my whole wardrobe and a shirt that shows a nice amount of cl**vage.
“You coming over?” I ask, crossing my arms.
“You inviting me?” She does the same.
I hold in my smile because I don’t like the fact that she makes me want to do it so often. “I just did.”
She rolls her eyes. “I could have found my way to your place.”
I shrug because I don’t know how to reply without looking like a pu**y.
“You drive me crazy,” she says, but she’s walking over to my car. I get back into the driver’s seat and we pull away.
We’re not in the car for two minutes when her cell rings. I watch as Cheyenne presses silent.
“You hungry?” I ask.
“I am, actually.”
“We’ll hit a drive-thru.”
Her phone rings again. She silences it. After we grab our food it beeps another time. “You know I don’t give a shit if that’s your pretty boy, right? Play your games if you want to. We both know what this is.” I tap my fingers against the steering wheel, frustrated.
“Be careful, Colt or I’ll think you’re jealous.”
“Be careful or I’ll think you want me to be.”
She sighs and I’m pretty sure I pissed her off more than I wanted to.
“It’s my aunt,” she finally says as we pull up in front of my tiny ass house.
Fuck. And again I feel like a prick. “You don’t wanna talk to her?” I kill the engine.
“Not really. She’s freaking out. Thinks I’m having a hard time and wants me to come home.”
I flash back to the night in the yard, seeing her all huddled in the corner behind the shed. I almost tell her she is having a hard time and that maybe she should go home, but I’m not sure it’s my job. Glancing at her hands I see they’re shaking slightly and her br**sts are heaving against her shirt.
So I do what I’m here for. What she needs from me. I slide my hand through her hair and pull her to me. Silence her thoughts and her words with my mouth. Cheyenne kisses me greedily like she always does, like she’s hungry for me and I know I’m starving for her, so I kiss her deeper. Let my other hand slide to her leg and up.
When we pull away we’re both breathing hard, but I don’t think she’s thinking about her aunt or her mom anymore. “Damn I’m good.” I tell her which earns me a smack on the arm.
We get out and head inside. I’m not surprised to see Adrian sitting in the living room with a few people around him. Beers are on the coffee table and they’re listening to music on the TV.
This place is never empty and drives me f**king crazy.
“’Sup?” Adrian says. He sounds half asleep. “Beers in the fridge,” he says and I’m about to tell him no, but then Cheyenne says thanks and heads toward the kitchen.
I fall into the chair and realize this is going to take a while.
She comes back in the room and hands me a beer, which I take, then she sits on the couch next to Adrian. It’s the only empty spot. Perry and Dax are sitting on the other side of him. Perry’s girl Monique comes down the hall and sits on his lap. I see Dax and Perry both eyeing Chey then me like they’re trying to figure out what’s going on.
I don’t usually come home with girls. Deena’s around, but that’s just because she’s always partying with everyone.
I’m really not feeling this whole thing. The hang out with Cheyenne and my friends. It makes it feel like something we’re not, but I sit here and eat my food while she does the same and Adrian, suddenly awake, talks to her.
A knocks sounds from the door and I know things are about to get a whole lot worse.
I eye Adrian who doesn’t move so I get up. “Fucker.” I call him as I open the door. Jack and Oscar come in.
“What the f**k’s up!” Oscar yells. He’s always acting like an idiot and drives me insane.
“Beer sucks. I have Tequila.” He has a brown paper bag in his hand. I close the door and keep standing.
“Damn. Who are you?” Jack says, walking up to Cheyenne.
I take a step forward to tell to back off. To tell him she’s with me, and to keep the f**k away, but I don’t because she’s not my anything. We don’t have any promises and I don’t want any so I sit back to see how she’s going to handle it.
Adrian does it for her. “She’s Colt’s girl. Back off.”
His words piss me off. Yeah I was close to saying the same thing, but she’s not mine and I don’t want her to be. Not completely at least. But I also don’t want them trying to get with her so I don’t say anything.
“Wow. Colt’s girl, huh? I didn’t know that.” She looks at me and winks.
“Let’s play strip poker.” Oscar says.
Both Monique and Cheyenne shoot him down.
“Quarters?” Monique says. Neither her or Chey have said a word to each other. Girls are crazy like that, always sizing each other up and neither one wanting to talk until the other does it first.
I expect Cheyenne to say no, but she shrugs her shoulders as if she’s game. Which might not be a bad idea because I obviously need a drink to chill the hell out.
We move to the kitchen table, all of us crammed in around the thing. Monique is again on Perry’s lap, her hundreds of little braids hanging down over her shoulder.
Adrian pulls out his pipe and weed and everyone around the table but me and Cheyenne smoke and then the bottles in the middle and we all have our glasses filled.
I don’t know what makes me do it, but I lean over to her ear and nip it with my teeth. “If you get drunk, I can’t have my way with you.”
I watch as goosebumps blanket her bare shoulder. Damn it’s hot. I want to kiss them. Trace all of them with my tongue but there’s a table full of people here and I don’t do shit like that. Public displays are for couples and we’re not a couple. What Deena and I did we pretty much did in private. Yeah everyone knew and I didn’t care, but I also didn’t go around whispering shit in her ear.
I lean back in my chair to give us some space.
Cheyenne turns to me and smiles. “Don’t worry. I’ll be good.”
I want to tell her I don’t want her to be good. Instead I lean forward and add a little more tequila to my glass.
***
I am so f**ked up. I don’t remember the last time I drank so much, but one game led to another. It was crazy watching Cheyenne with my friends. They’re so different but she was laughing her ass off the whole night and her and Adrian kept sharing these looks that if I wanted more than just to get her into bed, I’d be pissed about.
Everyone just left and I lean against the kitchen counter and crook my finger. “Come here,” I say.
Cheyenne steps between my legs and I’m dizzy as hell, but I still manage to kiss her. She tastes like tequila and my body is yelling, finally at me because this is what I’ve wanted all night, but then I have to grip the counter to keep myself standing up.
“You are so trashed. Didn’t you tell me not to get too drunk?” She smiling, but I don’t feel like smiling. I try to kiss her again, but she backs up. “You’re too messed up, Colt. I should go.”
“Give me a few minutes and I’ll be good.”
She pauses for a few seconds before she says, “I should go.”
But she doesn’t sound like she wants to go and I sure as hell don’t want her to go, so I hook my finger in the loop on her jeans and start toward my room. She’s laughing, but following me. I slam the door behind us, take off my shirt, kick off my shoes and step out of my jeans.
“I just need a few minutes.” The room is spinning. Why the hell did I drink this much? I climb into bed in my boxer-briefs and lean on my elbow and watch her. “Are you scared, Tiny Dancer?” I ask.
Like I knew she would she toes her shoes off. I watch as her jeans come next and she’s standing there in these bright purple panties against her caramel skin.
“I’d ask if you had something I could wear, but that feels too official, doesn’t it? Me wearing your clothes?” She smirks. At least I think she does.
“You won’t need clothes.”
She shrugs, turns out the light and slips into bed with me.
“Just a few minutes,” I tell her again. I close my eyes to keep the room still. Feel her against me. “You gotta do me a favor.” My lips are against her neck. I lick her skin there just because I need to taste her.
“What’s that?” She sounds sleepy. Or maybe it’s me. I don’t know.
What was the favor? “My mom.” I try to kiss her neck again, but don’t have the energy. My brain is telling me to shut the hell up, but my drunken self doesn’t listen. “I need you to go see her with me.”