“The music.”
“Yeah. I do. I always hear it.”
“What do you think it means that I don’t hear it anymore?”
He took my second knight. “Check. I don’t know what it means. Maybe you’re not listening hard enough.”
How does he beat me every time? I moved my king. “I’m listening.”
“No, you’re too busy feeling sorry for yourself.”
“I’ve never felt sorry for myself.”
“Maybe not before, no, but you are now. Checkmate.”
I reset the board. We played with a cheesy plastic-and-cardboard chess set that folded up and fit into my purse. “I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I’m just tired and kind of sad.”
“Why are you sad?”
I studied Orvin’s face. It was hard not to feel like Orvin didn’t belong in Green Acres because he seemed so spry and alert. Yet oftentimes he would forget everything and ask when he had to be at the shop, which sadly had been closed for more than a decade. This was one of his good days, but he could slip easily into forgetting.
“Do you ever wish you weren’t stuck in Green Acres?”
“My darling, Grace, let me share a proverb with you.”
I was startled. He hadn’t called me by my name in . . . I didn’t know how long. “Okay.”
“ ‘I used to think I was poor because I didn’t have any shoes, and then I met a man with no feet.’ ”
I smiled sheepishly. “I am feeling sorry for myself, aren’t I?”
“More than that. You’re being ungrateful. You have the man you always wanted in your life again, a beautiful daughter, and a great job.”
“Yes, but that man doesn’t want me.”
“He will. Just be yourself. Find the music.”
ASH AND I ended up at Tati’s for dinner that night. Tati was trying her hand at being domestic; she had met a man she actually wanted to date, and was bound and determined to impress him. It wasn’t the first time Ash and I were guinea pigs, though I can’t say we enjoyed it. Tati was a terrible cook. Period.
Tati came to the table with a large platter. “Lamb tagine and Moroccan couscous!”
“Oh Tati, I hate eating lamb.”
She looked affronted. “Why?”
“They’re just too cute to eat.”
“Well, this one’s not cute anymore.”
I shook my head and took a small serving. Ash wrinkled her nose and took an even smaller one while Tati ran around, looking for a wine key.
“Can I have some wine?” Ash asked.
“Nope,” Tati and I said simultaneously.
“Just a sip? Dad said he’d let me have some wine at his house when he has me over for dinner.”
“You call him Dad now?” Tati asked.
“Well, not to his face, but what else am I supposed to call him? Matt? It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t get to be my dad.”
“Does he want to be called Dad?” I asked her, carefully.
“I don’t think he cares. He wants to come to all my school stuff and meet my friends.”
“I think it would make him feel good to hear you say it. The poor guy has been robbed of your childhood,” Tati said.
I bristled. “What happened to the man-hater in you?” I shot back.
“Turning over a new leaf. You should, too.”
“Call him Dad, if he wants,” I told Ash. I handed my glass of wine over to her. “Just one sip.”
She took a tiny sip and scrunched up her nose. “Ew.”
Tati looked up at the ceiling wistfully. “I loved the way he used to dressed.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Did you and my dad get along when you guys were in college?” Ash asked Tati.
“Of course. Your mom and dad were inseparable. If I wanted to see Grace outside of class, then I had to see your dad, too. But we got along well so it was all good fun back then.” Tati turned to me. “Speaking of the good ol’ days, I think you should come down and practice with us this week after school.”
“What on earth for?” I said through a mouth full of couscous.
“We’re looking for a cellist.”
“You should totally do it, Mom. I can go to Dad’s after school. He’s working from home now and invited me to come over after school whenever I want.”
“I don’t know, Tati. I don’t think I’m good enough anymore.” I was also worried that Ash was embracing Matt a little too eagerly. It made me realize how desperately she was missing Dan. “And Ash, how is it that you’re already so comfortable with your father? You barely know him?”
“I don’t know,” she said.
“I’m afraid you’re doing this to displace your grief,” I said.
“I think you’re overanalyzing this, Mom. I look at him and I see myself. I’m just comfortable around him. Plus, he’s so nice and wants to be a part of my life. Don’t ruin that for me because of your screwed-up relationship with him.”
“I’m going to pretend like you’re not being sassy right now.” Though she was probably right.
We continued to push the lamb and couscous around our plates. It was as terrible as it looked. Finally, Tati put down her fork.
“So, you guys wanna get a burger or something?”
Ash and I nodded eagerly.
“You should stick to spaghetti,” Ash said. “You’re good at that.”