I set down the bassinet, folded the envelope, and stuck it in my pocket. “You might be right.”
“You’re not gonna read it?”
We were approaching Grace’s building. “I’ll read it. Just not right now. This is it.” I looked up to the front door of the brownstone and then held the bassinet out to her.
“Aren’t you going to come with me?”
“No, Ash isn’t home yet. She’s still at school.”
“You don’t want to see Grace?”
“I can’t, Monica. Just go, I’ll wait here.”
I turned around and watched an old woman walk her dog down the street, but I couldn’t help but hear Grace answer the door. “Monica?”
“Hello, Grace. It’s good to see you. It’s been a long time.”
“Yes it has. You look great. Life has been well for you?” Grace was still being sweet, even under the shittiest of circumstances.
“It has, but it got even better when I learned that I was an aunt.” Monica’s voice didn’t waver. She was determined to stay strong. “That’s why I’m here, to deliver this to you. I know Ash is a big girl now, but I wanted you to have it until the next baby in the family is born, wherever or whenever that might happen.”
“Thank you.” Grace sounded choked up but I still couldn’t turn around.
There were a few moments of silence and then Monica said, “Here’s my number. Please keep in touch. I know you tried, and I’m sorry about you and Matt and this whole big mess.”
“I am, too.”
“You’re family now, Grace. Please know that.”
“Okay.”
A few seconds later, Monica was at my side. “Ready?”
“Yeah.”
“Matt, why are you taking this out on her?”
“I missed my daughter’s entire childhood, Monica.”
“But that wasn’t Grace’s fault.”
“I don’t know. It’s confusing and I can’t think about that right now.”
The truth was that I couldn’t face her, knowing that she had spent the last fifteen years raising our child, mostly on her own. And for all of that time, she thought I was just a selfish asshole ignoring her letters and calls. She had no faith in me.
“I have to stop. My feet are killing me.”
“Well, Jesus, it’s those shoes. They’re unnatural,” I said.
She took them off and shoved them into her bag. “I know; stupid, isn’t it? The things women do in the name of high fashion.”
I put my arm around her shoulder. “You’re all right, you know that? I’m glad my brother married you. Thanks for coming out.”
She kissed me on cheek, “I love you. Now hail me a cab, would ya? I’ve got some shopping to do.”
I flagged down a taxi and opened the door for her. She ducked her head and got in. “I’ll be at the Waldorf-Astoria if you need me.”
Back at my loft I opened the envelope.
Dear Matt,
Our daughter is ten today. I said before that I wouldn’t send any more letters, but I have an important reason this time. I’m very sad to tell you that Dan is sick. He’s been having severe heart problems over the last year, and his condition is likely terminal. He so desperately wants to adopt Ash, and I’m writing to ask you if you would please consider signing over your parental rights, as you were named on her birth certificate. Ash is a wonderful child, witty and beautiful, with a great sense of humor. She is the joy of my life. I never blamed you for the choices I made a decade ago, but now I can change things for her and Dan by making it official with the adoption.
I know you’re very busy, but would you please get in touch with us?
Regards,
Grace Porter
212-555-1156
The life she led, the tragedy, despair, and rejection, was all because of me. I could have blamed Elizabeth, but it wouldn’t matter in the end because Elizabeth meant nothing to Grace. I knew that if you followed the trail of pain, it would lead to me, at least in Grace’s mind, and my pain led to her.
Staring at my phone, a question popped into my head. I shot off a text immediately.
ME: Why were you looking in the missed connections section?
GRACE: I wasn’t.
ME: How did you get the note?
GRACE: A student of mine recognized the title “Green-eyed Lovebird” when he was looking for his own missed connection and brought it to me.
ME: So you didn’t really want to find me? Was it just for Ash?
There was no response.
Two hours later, I was on their doorstep, wearing plaid pajama pants, slippers, and a coat. It was six p.m. and the sun was beginning to set. Ash came to the door wearing white flannel PJs with a green turtle pattern on it. She swung the door open wide and announced, “Hello, Father!”
“Hello, Daughter.”
She pointed behind her with her thumb and lowered her voice. “Should I ask if she wants to come with us?”
I shook my head. Ash looked down for a second, as if figuring out what to do, and then yelled, “Bye, Mom! Love you, be back later.”
“Love you. Be careful!” Grace yelled from the other room.
“Ready?”
“Yep.” She bounced out the door.
“We’re going to a restaurant that serves breakfast anytime,” I told her.
“Oh cool. I’m gonna get blueberry pancakes during the Renaissance,” she deadpanned. I stared for a beat and then she started cracking up.