Allie’s beaming smile stared back at me through the splintered glass.
The photo was from their wedding day, and Allie was dressed in a fitted lace gown. Her blonde hair spilled down around her shoulders, long and angelic. Her eyes shined with pure joy, and her smile was the most real thing I’d ever seen.
She was beautiful and in love and suddenly, I felt ill.
I pushed off the bed and reached down for my dress. It was still wet; I’d never hung it up to dry the night before. I groaned and turned toward Gianluca’s closed closet door. I’d find a t-shirt and pull it on for now. I didn’t want to be naked anymore. I suddenly felt vulnerable and raw after the night I’d had with him.
I whipped the door open and flipped the light on, sucker-punched by the sight in front of me. Dresses, scarves, high heels—they took up most of the modest space, even invading some of Gianluca’s side. It was Allie’s stuff. Her shoes looked like they’d just recently been kicked off and piled in the corner. Her laundry sat untouched beside it. There was a bright yellow dress hanging up right at the front. I reached out and felt the silky material, rubbing my thumb over the fabric. The lemon print would have looked silly in London, but it was the perfect dress for Vernazza, light and cheerful.
I let the fabric slip out of my fingers and I spun from the closet to inspect his room through new eyes. The night before it’d been dark and romantic, nothing but him and me. In the light of day, there was no ignoring the signs of Allie strewn everywhere: her robe hanging on the back of the door, her books stacked on the nightstand right next to where I’d slept, her unused medicine in the bathroom cabinet. There were two toothbrushes sitting in a cup on the bathroom counter. One was new, blue, and clearly belonged to Gianluca. The other was purple and faded, its bristles dried and split. I reached forward to touch it and then pulled back. What would Allie think if she knew I was in her house, sleeping with her husband, touching her belongings, staring at her smiling face on her wedding day?
I was going to be sick. My stomach squeezed tight and I pressed a hand to the back of my neck, willing the nausea to pass. I couldn’t be sick in her bathroom. I felt her there, judging me, condemning me for sleeping with Gianluca.
Allie might have passed away five years earlier, but inside Gianluca’s house she still held court. He hadn’t lied to me all those weeks ago when he’d told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. The man was still completely in love with his wife. A ghost.
“Georgie! Are you awake yet?”
It was Katerina, calling me from the bottom of the stairs.
“We were going to go get breakfast now that the rain has stopped!”
I wiped at tears I hadn’t realized were falling. I jerked the back of my hand across my cheek, angry with myself for being emotional. Get it together. I’d pushed for this relationship or non-relationship. Whatever. I’d told Gianluca I was perfectly content with no strings, but this was different. This felt dirty. Wrong.
I met my reflection in the mirror, seeing myself through the eyes of Allie’s ghost. I looked so different from her, nearly her polar opposite. She was fair-skinned with bright blonde hair and light eyes. Maybe that’s why Gianluca fancied me—I wasn’t at risk of replacing the love of his life.
“Georgie! Come on!”
It was Gianluca shouting then. His feet were on the stairs; he was coming up to drag me out of bed. I ran out of the bathroom and snatched up my dress off the floor. I shivered as the cold, wet silk settled into place on my body. My underwear were nowhere in sight, but there was no time. I couldn’t see Gianluca in this room again; it would be too much with the three of us in the cramped space.
I combed my fingers through my hair, wiped at my cheeks one last time, and left the room. Gianluca was just cresting the top of the stairs and when he saw me, he beamed.
“There you are. I was worried you’d never wake up.”
I laughed—it sounded tight and awkward—and then I brushed past him to trot down the stairs.
“Georgie?”
“Yeah?” I called over my shoulder, trying to keep my features neutral.
“Do you need some of my clothes to wear? Your dress is still wet. I don’t want you catching a cold.”
I was drowning there, trying to keep it together and breathe and pretend he and I were okay.
“No thanks. Actually, I’m going to skip out on breakfast. I feel like heading down to do a few things at the B&B. We’ve only got a few weeks before Taylor arrives.”
“Do you need my help?”
“No! No,” I repeated myself again, trying for a calmer tone.
If he thought my answer was strange, he didn’t say anything as I continued down the stairs, putting distance between us. The living room was full of people. Everyone from the party was still there and they called out to me when I slipped into the room. I plastered on a fake smile and skirted behind the couch to snatch my shoes. They were still stashed by the door in the kitchen, muddy and soggy, but that didn’t matter. I’d clean them at home.
Katerina tried to catch hold of my arm as I ran for the door.
“Hey, what’s wrong? You sleep late then don’t stay for breakfast?”
“She has work to do,” Gianluca answered for me with a cold tone.
I nodded and forced one more massive grin. It felt more genuine than any of the others had that morning and I figured it was because I was so close to freedom, so close to fresh air.
Katerina promised to bring round a bottle of wine later. I offered up a sort of noncommittal nod then pulled the front door open and made a run for it. In the end, I wasn’t even very angry with Gianluca. No. Witnessing his love for Allie was a good thing because it made me realize what I wanted: for someone to love me the way he still loved her.