"I need you guys,” is what comes out of my mouth. I need you guys? Could I sound any more like a douche?
"Okay." She shrugs and then grabs a glass out of the cabinet, before filling it with water.
Leave it alone, Jay. She's letting you off the hook. Instead, my word vomit continues when I ask, "What do you mean, okay? That means you don't believe me." Holy shit, do I sound like a girl right now. What's wrong with me?
She sighs and I want to do the same thing. I have no idea how we got on this road anymore and I'm definitely not sure if I want to keep traveling it or get the hell off.
"What were you thinking about, Jaden?"
How my dad isn't my dad. That he's told me all my life I'm a piece of shit. Oh, and you're the opposite of that. "Nothing."
She shakes her head. "Point proven. One for me, zero for you. I know you need us, but I also know you'll never let me be there for you. You'll never admit anything to me—I mean, us. I'm tired of pretending otherwise."
I groan, really not in the mood to do this. "Can we let it go? You never showed me what room I'm staying in."
Another head shake. And, yeah, another point for her.
***
I'm lying in Pris's bed. Alone. Which totally sucks, but whatever. She's staying in her parents' room while the newlyweds take the spare room. I'm sure they're enjoying the alone time.
I play with my cell phone, letting it roll around in my hand. To call or not to call? Okay, that was lame and, yeah, of course I'm going to call because I'm obviously a glutton for punishment. I mean, Mom pretty much made it clear she didn't care when she kicked me out, but the head and the heart? They don't always use the same frequency. I think mine has a particularly bad connection.
There's a part of me that doesn't want to talk to her, or wants to think I don't. I'm not sure which, but she told me to go and I went, ready to walk away, but, yeah, totally not as easy as I thought.
A few more minutes pass as I wait for it to ring. I don't know why. It won't. Not unless it's Sebastian from the other room being lazy or his mom checking in. But for some stupid, lame, annoying reason I will it to ring. Just this once, wanting her to think of me the way Pris did with the Cherry Pepsi.
It doesn't happen so I decide to stop moping and dial the damn phone. Mom picks up after the fourth ring.
"Hello?"
My first thought is she sounds the same, which is a stupid freaking thought because why would she sound different? It's not like I've been away for years or something. "Hey, Mom. It's me, Jaden."
And the winner of the most idiotic sayings in a row goes to Jaden Sinclair. Of course me is Jaden. Who else would it be?
"Jaden. Hi. How are you?"
"I'm cool." I cross my legs. "Just thought, you know, you might want me to check in or something. Thought maybe you'd wonder how far we got or want to make sure we're all safe. We are, if you're interested." Heat simmers inside me. Why did I even call her? I should have known all it would do is make me mad.
When she speaks, she has the nerve to sound offended. "Of course I'm interested. You're my son,."
But I'm not Mike's.
Why the hell do I even care? I mean, it's not like I really do, but at least then I knew. Now? I don't know anything.
"We're in Salt Lake." I change the subject.
"Good. That's good. Have you talked to your uncle?" Her voice is soft.
"Yeah. I'm supposed to call him when I figure out when I'm flying in. Depends on when we get to New York. He'll pick me up at the airport and stuff."
Heat rolls through my body and I don’t want to tell her anything. Don’t want her to know who's picking me up or what I'm doing because in my head, she doesn't deserve to know. Not after everything.
But then, hiding inside me, there’s a guy who somehow found a damn flame-retardant suit that is soft and feels the need to tell her.
"Good... That's good. You'll be happy there."
Will I? I don't know. I could have been happy in New York. And maybe I can be happy in Texas. Or maybe I'm fooling myself into thinking I'll be completely happy anywhere.
I shake my head. Jesus, I hate all these thoughts. I feel like such whiner. "Okay. I guess, I better go."
"Okay. Bye. Thanks for calling," Mom's voice bounces back at me.
I open my mouth to say, bye, but instead something else comes out. "Are you... Are you okay?" Not that she wouldn't be. Actually, things are probably better for her now. I'm sure all Mike ever wanted was me gone anyway.
Mom sounds perky when she says, "Of course, I am. Why wouldn't I be?"
Exactly. Why wouldn't she be?
I hang up the phone and, my mind goes back to the stupid piece of paper in my pocket, wondering what the person who lives at the address is like. Wondering, just maybe, if things were different, if they'd be the type who would call me.
Chapter EightWe get up the next day and get ready for our rafting trip. I'm totally looking forward to it, and not, at the same time. It's going to be fun, yeah, I know, but there's another little fact that keeps jumping around in my head.
Priscilla in a bikini.
She wore one last summer and I about died. I mean, sexy, right? I’m totally pumped to see one again because... yeah, guys are visual creatures, remember? But this is going to be hard on me, too, seeing what I can't have. Hard isn't even the right word. Brutal. Killer. I'm totally going to want to touch. Which I can't and it sucks, so yeah, mixed feeling on the whole raft trip.
We head up to the raft rental building. We're going for one all of us can ride. The trip is only like an hour and a half. Bastian is bouncing around on his feet like he's about to jump in the ring with Mike Tyson during his ear-biting era, and I can't help but let it rub off on me. Adrenaline starts pumping through me as I think about being out there on the water.
"Think you can handle it out there, Doc?" I give him a playful push. "I mean, it's not like I can't pick up the slack for you or anything, but..."
"Please, dude. The day you have to pick up my slack is the day hell freezes over. Ninja, remember?"
I laugh because he's such an idiot with that ninja stuff. I open my mouth to say something, but Priscilla beats me to it, sneaking up behind him and sticking her foot out to hook in his. Bastian stumbles, as she says, "Yeah, look at that stealth."
Now I'm laughing even harder. "Pris just went ninja on your ass," I say as he tries to save face by pretending he did it on purpose.
"Whatever. I knew she was there."
She surprises us both by sticking her foot out and doing it again. "Damn it!" he yells, half a smile on his face.
I almost fall, I'm laughing so hard. Aspen, too, but she's actually trying to cover it up.
"Aww, are you alright, big guy?" she teases, trying to wrap her arms around him.
He starts mumbling something about her kissing it and making it better and I don't know where it comes from, but I hold up my hand for her to give me a high-five and say, "That's my girl."
Priscilla stumbles a little and I actually feel embarrassed. What the hell? I've hit on so many girls. Met so many girls at parties and thrown out so many lines, but it's different saying things to the girl who means something to you. When it's real, you're out there, all vulnerable and shit wondering what she thinks about it or if you sounded like an idiot.
Priscilla doesn't leave me hanging though. She lifts her hand and smacks mine the way Bastian and I would, but my heart is actually thumping. I can't remember my heart ever thumping like that with a girl unless we were touching a whole lot more than this, and I'm sure it went wild then for a completely different reason.
Before it becomes obvious I'm pretty close to some kind of nervous breakdown or something, I grab her, putting my arm around her and pulling her close, like I would have done last year. No one needs to know I'm practically spouting poetry in my brain. "She's the shit. I'm keeping her in my corner." I play it off, but feel like I'm standing in front of a classroom na**d or something because both Bastian and Aspen are looking at me with huge smiles on their faces.
I don't even have to look to know Priscilla's smiling too.
What is it they say? If you can't beat ‘em, join ‘em. I let myself crack one, too, as we go rent our raft.
***
At the risk of sounding like a Hallmark card, it's really pretty out here. We're halfway through our trip and even though Aspen is wearing a shirt over her bikini, Priscilla isn't. I think she's doing it to drive me crazy. I can't stop looking at the curve of her hips, her legs, and all the smooth brown skin.
It's crazy how many places there are on a girl to explore. Does she know how incredible she looks? All normal and happy, talking with Aspen or talking crap to me and Bastian. It's like she doesn't realize how big a deal she is. What something as simple as licking her lips or hitting my leg can do to a guy. I wonder if girls know that, the kind of affect they can have. Or maybe it's just Pris who has that much power. I don't know.
Priscilla leans forward, the pink strands of her bikini top sliding down her back. I want to touch it. To tickle her with it. Do something to see if I can make her feel even a tenth of what I'm feeling right now.
Her and Aspen start talking about something, as though we're in Normalville and I'm not almost dying over here.
"Dude, you're drooling." Bastian nudges me.
"I am not," I try to wipe my mouth all incognito, just to be sure.
He shakes his head. "I was where you are last year, remember? I know my shit. You want her, Jay. You've always wanted her and you're going nuts right now. Seriously, loony-bin crazy. Been there. You might as well give in now."
My eyes jump to the girls who are still in their own little world and not realizing Bastian's calling me out. We're at a calm part of the water right now, so I lean back a little bit and relax. "I'm not giving in to anything. We're friends. That's all. Texas girls are supposed to be hot."