She took my hand when I offered it to help her out of the cab, and she didn’t let it go, not as we walked up the stairs to our apartment in silence, not until we were inside when she turned to me, eyes brimming with pain and tears.
I reached for her, but she stepped back, shaking her head.
My jaw clenched. “Tell me what happened, Cam.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“That’s bullshit. It matters to me.”
“Tyler …” She looked so uncertain, her thoughts screaming through the silence.
“I don’t know where the girl who I danced with earlier has gone. You won’t talk to me. You won’t trust me with whatever’s going on. I’ve been patient, I’ve tried to give you space and let you be, but you’ve had one foot out the door the whole time. One minute you’re up, the next you’re down. I want to be with you, and I can shoulder a lot, but you’ve got to go all in. I need to know you’re in this with me.”
Her chin quivered, and she pursed her lips to stop it. “You’re right. This isn’t fair to you. I’ve second guessed everything, doubted everything, including myself. The anxiety, the worry … it’s driving me crazy. And so I’m driving you crazy.”
“I want you to drive me crazy. Can’t you see that?”
She shook her head again. “Tyler, no you don’t. This is supposed to be easy. When you fall for someone, shouldn’t it be easy? I don’t feel like we’re the same. We’re not equals.”
My hands shook, my fists tight by my side, trying to hang on to her. “What do you want from me? I’ve done everything, everything to prove it to you, but here we are again.”
“You’ve done everything right, but … you don’t understand. How could you? We’re too different. And the last time I felt this way, I ended up hurt. So hurt.” Her voice broke.
I moved for her, stepping into her, and she let out a breath as I drew one, my brow low, eyes hard. She was backed against the couch, and I held her small face, tilting it up to mine. “Am I not enough for you, Cam?”
Tears filled her eyes. “You’re too much.” The words were but a whisper.
“So you’re just going to walk away?”
“I don’t know what else to do.”
I gently squeezed her jaw cupped in my palms. “You have to choose. That’s it. You don’t walk away. You let me in. You just have to choose.”
She took a shuddering breath, her brown eyes brimming, but I saw a flicker of hope. “What if I can’t?”
I shook my head, searching her face. “You can. You can do anything. You just have to believe in me. In us. That’s all.”
“I want to, but—”
“Then that’s all that matters. I need you to see that. Nothing else matters except I want you, and you want me. Tell me you want me.”
Her breath was shallow. “I want you,” she said quietly. “But—”
“No more buts. There’s nothing left to say.” I leaned down, my lips on a track for hers. “Don’t fight me, Cam. Don’t run away.”
Her lids fluttered closed, forcing tears down her cheeks, and I felt her let go, felt her fall into me. I just didn’t know for how long.
So I did the only thing I could to show her how I felt — I kissed her.
I kissed her with all of me, heart and soul, told her with every motion, every touch, every breath that I wanted her. That she was perfect. That I was hers.
She leaned into me, slipped her hands up my chest, under my jacket, and I pulled her close, as close as I could.
I broke away after a moment, eyes closed, pressing my forehead to hers as we caught our breath.
“I want you, Cam. I want your body, your heart, your soul. I’ll give you mine in exchange. But you have to choose me, right here, right now. Do you trust me?”
“More than anyone,” she said, her voice heavy with decision and emotion.
“Then promise me. Let this be it. Once and for all. You and me. No more uncertainty. No more questions. Just us.”
Her eyes met mine, shining in the low light. “I promise.”
I sighed with relief, pulling her close, leaning down to take her mouth with possession, and she sank into my arms, her body against mine, my hands at her jaw, in her hair, down her neck, the curve of her breast, her waist. I stood, taking her with me, her shoes hitting the ground, legs locking around my waist. My heart pounded, our tongues circling, lips moving together, and my hands slipped up her bare thighs to her ass, pulling her into me.
She moaned softly, her arms squeezing tighter around my neck, and I held her close, moving toward her dim bedroom.
I lay her down in bed, and she broke away, brown eyes big, full of fear and love.
“I’m afraid,” she said softly, and I touched her cheek.
“Then hold on to me. As long as we have each other, we can survive anything,” I whispered, voice faltering. “Hold on to me.”
Her hands cupped my jaw, and as I looked down at her in the soft light, I only hoped she would.
She kissed me and I felt her fear. I felt her worry and sadness. I felt her doubt and knew it was herself that she doubted, not me. And that somehow hurt me worse.
But with every second, I felt those feelings slip away, felt her let herself go, forget the rest. To remember me. To be with me so wholly and fully that nothing else mattered.
It was all that I wanted.