I walk to the living room and sit down on my secondhand couch, looking around our small two-bedroom apartment. It’s not much, but it’s what I could afford from the money I saved working over the past few summers in a fish processing plant. Most of our furniture is used, but in good condition; the only things that I bought new were our beds. When we moved from Alaska, I didn’t want to pay for shipping everything, so we came with our clothes and what could fit in suitcases. I wonder what Cash will say about our home. My stomach starts to turn when thoughts of him trying to take Ashlyn from me fill my head. My phone starts ringing from my bag on the floor. I unfold myself from the couch, pick up my bag and digging to the bottom for my phone, but by the time I find it, it has stopped ringing. I flip it over in my hand, seeing Cash’s name along with the words Missed Call.
“Shit,” I whisper, fumbling with the phone when it starts ringing again. I drop it to the floor, forgetting I have a glass of wine in my hand, so when I bend over to pick it up, I dump the glass of wine all over it. I shake as much of the wine off as I can, then start franticly wiping it on my jeans. The phone goes silent for a second before ringing again, and I slide my finger across the screen, hoping that it will work.
“Hello?”
“Are you home?” Cash growls down the line. I look around for a second before answering him.
“Yes.”
“I called and you didn’t answer, and I told you to call me when you got home.” I roll my eyes and take a breath.
“Well, I had to put Ashlyn to bed because she fell asleep in the car. Then I had to have a glass of wine. Then you called and I spilt said wine all over my phone, so I am so sorry if I didn’t call or answer you fast enough.”
“You had to have a glass of wine? And you spilt it all over your phone?” he asks.
“Um…yes. I definitely had to have a glass of wine,” I tell him truthfully, ignoring the part about spilling my wine. I have always been clumsy. “There is only so much stress a girl can take. And it’s either wine or shopping, and since I am a single mother and can’t afford to shop my stress away, I had to have a glass of wine.” I realize I’m rambling and squeeze my eyes closed, my head falling back and hitting the wall. I hear him laughing; my eyes fly open and I remember that he used to always laugh at everything I said. In Alaska, I’d hated that I still loved the memory of the sound of his laughter; part of me still wants to hate him, but I just can’t.
“You still there?”
“What?”
“I thought the call dropped.”
“Oh no, it didn’t,” I say like an idiot; obviously, he knows the call didn’t drop.
“So I…” He pauses, and I can picture him running his hand through his hair the way he always used to when he wanted to say something but didn’t know how to say it. “I talked to my mom, and she will watch Jax tomorrow so I can come up and see you and Ashlyn.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?”
“I have the weekend off, so we will be home.”
“Okay, good,” he says, and I can hear the nervousness in his voice. “Did you talk to her?”
“No, I will. It’s just she fell asleep in the car.”
“Yeah, Jax fell asleep too,” he sighs.
“This is really awkward,” I laugh.
“Tell me about it.” I have the urge to ask him about his wife, but can’t spit the words out. The thought of him married makes me ill. Why did he still have to be so gorgeous? With his overgrown dark hair, crystal-clear blue eyes, tan skin, strong jaw, his height and body—geez, his body is as perfect as I remember—wearing dark jeans that fit just right, and a red t-shirt that was so tight I could see everything. “So I was thinking that I would come up around ten; does that work for you?”
“What?” I hear the words, but they don’t register for a second because I am stuck in a daydream about his body. Maybe it’s time to start dating.
“Ten in the morning…does that work for you?” I can hear the smile in his voice, and I shake myself out of my daydream.
“Yeah, sure. Ten is fine.”
“Good, I told Ashlyn I would talk to her tonight before she goes to bed. Can you have her call me when she wakes up from her nap?”
“Yeah, no problem.” I close my eyes.
“I am glad you don’t hate me,” he whispers, the words sounding pained. My eyes open.
“I want to.” I really do. I want to rage and scream and cry, but I just can’t. I feel like this isn’t really happening.
“I have a lot to explain. I just…damn, this situation is completely f**ked up.”
“Look, we will just talk tomorrow or whenever. I will have Ashlyn call you tonight. I just…I just need to know that you plan on sticking around; otherwise, I won’t put her through this.”
“I told you already I won’t change my mind. I have already missed out on way too much.”
“All right, so let me give you my address.” I rattle it off to him quickly. “See you tomorrow,” I say, and before he can say anything more, I hang up. I pull the phone from my ear and it starts ringing again right away; this time my mom’s number is flashing across the screen.
“Hey, Mom.” I try to sound cheerful.
“What’s wrong?” Dammit, I didn’t want to have to tell her this. I moved home shortly after I had Ashlyn. I tried to make it on my own, but with a new baby, school, a job, and an apartment, it was just too difficult. My dad was ready to fly down and kill Cash, and my mom wasn’t much better.