He lightly traces his finger along the edge of the blade. “You know the only way I can get you to listen is to punish you. It’s the only way to get you to obey me.”
He always says this to me, but it never makes any sense since I rarely obey anyway. In reality, I wonder if he gets off on this, on seeing me in pain, which is so messed up.
“I’ll start behaving better,” I lie, the backs of my legs bumping against the bed as I take another step back.
Shit. I’m cornered, but I refuse to allow myself to panic.
Numb, Raven. Tune out that fear.
He shakes his head. “Don’t lie to me again, Raven.”
“I’m not lying, “ I insist. “I promise. Just please don’t cut me again.”
His eyes flicker with delight for who the hell knows why. Then he reaches out and grabs my wrist. “You know I can do this. You know we have rules in my house.”
“Why am I the only one who has to follow them?” I growl out, jerking on my arm. “Let go of me, you fucking asshole.”
A sinister grin curls at his lips. “And there she is.” He shoves me down on the bed. “I don’t know why you always try to pretend like you’re obedient in the beginning. It never lasts. And you want to know why?”
I move to climb off the bed, but he wrestles me down, climbing on top of me and pinning me down. “Get off me!” I scream. “Now—”
He smacks me so hard my ears ring. Then he pins my hands down beside my head, leaning in and breathing into my face, “Because you’re just like your stupid mother. You’re a spoiled little brat who thinks you can do whatever she wants.”
“Shut up!” I scream, tears pooling in my eyes.
“Aw, am I hurting your feelings? Well, good.” Pinning both my hands in one of his, he leans back and lifts the hem of my shirt. “The next time you even think about trying to steal from me, you look down at this and remember.” He points the tip of the blade at my side and nicks my skin, causing blood to pool out. “Remember what you are.”
Then he starts cutting, moving the blade over my flesh. I barely feel the pain, though. I’ve become numb to this. Numb to everything. Almost.
My thoughts drift to the card in my pocket. If I had a phone, I could try to call the number. But I’m still not sure anyone would show up if I did. And I don’t need to start relying on people only to be let down. I’ve done that before. Many times. I don’t think I have anything left in me to deal with it again.
“You’re quiet tonight,” my uncle remarks as he climbs off me.
Droplets of blood are on the blade of his knife and his hands. My blood.
Blood all over my hands and anger searing through my veins, consuming my mind.
“Got nothing to say?” My uncle stands by my bed, staring down at me with expectancy.
I stare at the ceiling, not moving, refusing to say a word.
“Looks like it worked then.” He wipes the blade of his knife across the side of his pant leg, cleaning off the blood. Then he puts the knife away and looks at me again, waiting for something. When I make no effort to even budge, he shakes his head. “Whatever. At least I got you to shut up.” He turns around and storms for the door. “Don’t ever touch any of my shit again,” he snaps then walks out of my room, slamming the door behind him.
I don’t move. Barely breathe.
I don’t want to be here.
I want to fade away.
Why couldn’t that water have swept me away with it?
After what feels like hours, I drag myself off the bed and walk over to the mirror to see the damage. My side feels like it’s on fire as I lift up the hem of my blood-stained shirt and peer at the newly marked word branding my flesh. Then I shake my head, my jaw ticking.
Disappointment.
The twisted motherfucker.
I lower my shirt then sink down onto my bed, sitting in the middle of my drug stash that he just left in here, probably trying to send me some sort of cryptic message—my uncle really likes his minds games. What the message is, I haven’t got a clue. And I really don’t care.
Shoving the drugs out of the way, I lie down and close my eyes, trying not to think of anything. But my thoughts drift to The Raven Three again. While I’m skeptical that they’ll associate with me tomorrow, a tiny part of me can’t help hoping that maybe, just maybe, I won’t be let down for once. That we’ll have our talk. That they’ll make good on their promise and take care of my uncle.
As a smile starts to pull at my lips, I quickly erase it.
No, I’m not going to get my hopes up again. I decided a long time ago that I was meant to wander through this life alone, and it does no good to try to see things any other way. Because all that leads to is disappointed. Just like the fresh new word on my side says.
Chapter 13
Jax
“Do you think she got home okay?” Hunter asks as I drive us toward my father’s house that’s located on the other side of town.
Ever since we left our house, he’s been rambling on and on about the girl with hair like raven feathers, the girl who pushed her way into our lives today.
“I think it’s time to talk about the rest of the rules,” I say as I steer down the dark, desolate street lined with trees. While I have nothing against Raven, I’m not about to let Hunter become obsessed with her, for several different reasons, one being it could complicate this whole addition-to-our-circle-thing.
“I second that,” Zay mutters from the backseat.
Hunter turns around in the passenger seat to look at him. “What’s your deal today? This is the second time you’ve tried to pretend you’re all about the rules, but we all know you’re not.”
Zay slants forward and rests his arms on his knees. “If we bring Raven into the group and you fuck her, it’s going to cause drama. And I hate drama more than I hate rules.”
Hunter rolls his eyes. “Newsflash, brother: you’re the walking definition of drama.”
“Not girl drama,” he stresses. “That’s your thing.”
True. Hunter has been sleeping around since he turned thirteen and has never been with one girl more than once. But he has some deep, dark issues; ones that Zay and I are aware of, but no one else knows. Well, except for the woman who caused them.
And Zay is the exact opposite of Hunter in every way. He never sleeps around; can barely stand being touched. But we’ve done a lot to make sure no one finds that out about him. We’ve told lies and spread rumors.
It’s what we do. Have each other’s backs no matter what. Make sure no one knows our weakness so they can’t use them against us. This is how it’s been since we were old enough to realize how screwed up our families are. Then, when we turned twelve, we created The Raven Three just to set in stone who are and who we vow to be. And that’s how things have been since then. Just us three.
Until today, when Raven jumped off that damned bridge.
The three of us made a vow a long time ago that if anyone was ever brave enough to jump off the bridge, we’d bring them into the circle. Mostly it was just a joke and we never thought anyone would actually do it because to do it, you’ve got to be either a total adrenaline junkie or completely messed up in the head. We never thought some beautiful, scarred girl with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen would be the one to do it.
But it’s not like we had to make her one of us just because we made some vow forever ago. We could’ve easily not told her after Zay pulled her out of the river. We could’ve just driven her home, but something about her sad eyes, the scars, her defiance, the loneliness seeping from her, the stuff Zay found out about her… She’s almost as fucked up as us and that made us want to bring her into our group.
But bringing a female into our group could complicate things, which is why we need rules. I just hope everyone will follow them, but none of us have ever been good at following rules.
As Zay and Hunter continue to argue, I focus on setting more rules. “We have the rule I set earlier when Raven was around, but I want to make another rule for just us that kind of goes with that one. So rule number two is no sleeping with her.”
“But that doesn’t sound fun at all,” Hunter gripes, twisting back around in the seat.
“Rules aren’t meant to be fun,” I say as I slow down the car to make a turn. “Rule number three: no fighting over her. If there’s something that needs to be addressed that has to do with her, we’ll discuss it privately. I know that technically we’re going to bring her into our circle, but when it all comes down to it, if there’re any problems, it’ll end with just us three. Got it?”
Hunter melodramatically rolls his eyes. “Whatever, big brother. I get that you’re totally bossy.” When I continue to stare him down, he adds, “Fine, I got it. We come before her.”
“Good.” I glance at Zay in the rearview mirror. “What about you?”
He gives a nonchalant shrug. “You guys are more important to me than some girl will ever be.”
For the most part, I believe him. Except one small thing makes me hesitant. Zay saved her today, which was weird but not completely out of the realm of reality. No, what was completely insane was that he was the one to share his body heat with her. He said he had to do it because he was cold, but I think, deep down, he feels slightly connected to Raven because of her scars. Zay has scars too that run deep, both invisible ones and ones that mark his flesh.
When I don’t say anything, Zay glares at me. “If I say I got it, then I got it,” he snaps, slumping back in the seat.
“Okay.” I direct my attention back to the road. “And rule number four—”
“God, there’s another one?” Hunter groans, pinching the brim of his nose.
I ignore him, continuing, “We need to look more into her past. Zay, I know you got some information on her, but I want to know everything about her.” I flip on the blinker to make a turn onto a driveway. “If we’re going to let her into our inner circle, we need to make sure she is who she says she is. Because, if she ends up somehow tied to one of our enemies, she could mess up our freedom waiting for us at the end of the school year. And that’s not something I’m willing to risk just to help some girl make it through a year here. I’ll feed her to the wolves if it means we get our freedom, understand?”