Pull away, Raven. Don’t let him read you anymore. Don’t let him see those scars, the ones no one knows about.
But despite my thoughts, I remain frozen, stuck in some sort of trance with my hand against his chest, his heart hammering inside.
Why does he seem so afraid?
What is he hiding?
“Zay.” Jax’s demanding voice slices through the intense moment. “Let her go.”
Zay stares at me for a beat then blinks, jerking away. “I wasn’t going to fucking hurt her,” he mutters then gets up and crosses the room to the bar to pour himself another drink.
A shaky breath eases from my lips. Holy intense.
Maybe one of the most intense moments of my life, which is saying a lot.
Maybe I should be worried about Zay and his intensity toward me. Hunter and Jax sure as hell seem to be. It makes me wonder what Zay has done. Has he hurt people? Is he part of a mobster group?
“Are you guys mobsters?” I dare ask, hugging the arm Zay had ahold of against my chest. Not because he hurt me. My scars just feel so … exposed right now, like a big, red letter A has been branded to my chest. Only it’s not an A, but a declaration of just how much I hate myself sometimes.
Just let go.
Give up, Raven.
When I realize no one has answered me, I glance at Hunter since he seems like my best bet in getting to the truth. “Are you?”
Rubbing his lips together, he wavers. “Sort of.”
“Okay.” That wasn’t really an answer. “What does that mean exactly?”
Hunter sighs, his lips parting.
“It means that we are for now,” Jax is the one to answer as he ambles over to the sofa across from where Hunter and I are sitting. He takes a seat and leans back, resting his arms on the armrest.
For some weird-ass reason, I can picture him sitting in a chair behind a desk, dressed in a suit, everyone referring to him as “The Boss.” But that stuff is all in the movies. This is real life.
“For now?” I say slowly. “So, eventually you won’t be?”
Jax shrugs, swishing around the ice in his drink. “Yep.”
Jesus, could he be more vague?
“How does one get out of the mafia, though? I thought it was like a leave and die sort of thing.” I give a short pause. “And can anyone join it? I mean, you guys are only eighteen … How long have you been part of it?”
Jax watches me from over the rim of his glass as he lifts the drink to his mouth and sips a gulp of whiskey. Every one of his movements is careful, calculated.
“All our lives,” he says as he lowers the glass.
“So, you were born into it?” I glance at the three of them. “All of you?”
Jax nods, placing the drink on the end table beside him. “My father is the leader of the Capperellies. We control the east side of Honeyton. Zay’s dad is my dad’s brother. Hunter’s dad was an outside member who was brought in, but he’s been part of it for longer than Hunter’s been born.” He leans forward and rests his arms on his knees. “So, yeah, we were born into this. It’s all we know. For now anyway.”
“Again, you say that like you’re gonna leave,” I say as Hunter slides his arm behind me.
“That’s because we are,” Hunter says, drawing my attention to him. “We made a deal with Jax’s dad quite a while ago. We’ve been working for him ever since, and we’ll continue to work for him until we graduate. Then we’re free to go live our lives.”
“Just like that?” I question with skepticism.
Hunter grows serious, a side of him I didn’t believe existed.
“It hasn’t been easy … what we’ve had to do …” His throat muscles work as he swallows hard then looks away.
The room grows so quiet I can hear the racing beat of my heart.
“So then, why bring me into your circle?” I ask quietly. “I mean, you guys don’t seem like you even like being part of it.”
“Our circle has nothing to do with the Capperellies.” Zay walks over and sits down beside me, leaving more space between us than he did last time. “We created it to protect ourselves from other families … from our own families.” He downs another cup of whiskey then sets the glass aside. Then the three of them trade a look, having some sort of silent discussion with their eyes.
“The thing is,” Hunter says, looking at me. “With your dad being the sheriff, you’re in a very vulnerable situation. If he tries to play good cop and goes up against the five families, things are going to get really ugly for your family fast.”
“And if he decides to let one of the families buy him off,” Zay adds, “then the other four families are going to come after you.”
“So, basically, I’m screwed,” I state, unsure how I feel about that, about any of what they’re saying.
“You should sound more worried,” Zay warns, his gaze searing into mine. “This isn’t a joke. The people who run this town are dangers. Trust us. We’ve been working with them for years and have seen the darkness …” He slouches back on the chair and mumbles, “We’re part of the darkness ourselves.”
Again, I wonder what sort of things they’ve done, if they’re as bad as me.
“I am worried,” I tell him. “I just … I don’t know …” I shrug, not wanting to explain how messed up I am, how I hardly allow myself to feel much.
Zay’s dark eyes try to unravel me. “You just what?”
I shrug again. “I really don’t know. I mean, all of this—the mafia, your circle—I’ve never had to deal with anything like it before.”
Zay arches his brow. “You sure about that?”
“Yeah …?” Puzzlement webs through me. “Why?”
Zay shrugs then sneaks a glance at Jax. “Just wondering.”
My puzzlement deepens, but before I can ask more questions, Zay turns back to me.
“Look, I know you think you don’t want to be part of our circle, but we’re not screwing around when we say that you’re putting yourself at risk if you don’t join.” He crosses his arms. “This town, it’s full of unsaid rules and territories, and if you don’t know where not to go and what not to do, you’re gonna end up a hell of a lot worse than how you did today.”
“We want to help you, little raven.” Hunter threads his fingers through mine to capture my attention. “But you have to accept our help.”
I shake my head, the words overwhelming me and making me put my guard up. “Why, though? Because I jumped off some dumb bridge? Because it doesn’t make sense. Not really … I mean, people don’t just help other people out ’cause they’re crazy enough to jump into freezing cold rivers.” I nibble on my bottom lip. “I feel like there’s more to it. Like maybe this is a setup.”
Zay shakes his head and mumbles, “You have more trust issues than I do.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Jax states, his gaze dissecting me. “But she definitely has trust issues.”
I resist the urge to squirm. “Let’s just say I’ve been stabbed in the back a lot.”
Jax stares at me so intently that I feel like he’s peeling back layers of my skin. “By who?”
I lift a shoulder. “A lot of people.”
He mulls over what I said with a blank expression. “You give us one name, and we’ll take care of it.”
Zay’s gaze snaps to him. “Are you being serious right now?”
Jax shrugs, his gaze relentlessly boring into me. “She needs to trust us. Let’s give her a reason.”
Hunter grins wildly from beside me as he rubs his hands together. “Oh, I’m liking the sound of this.”
“So who’s it going to be?” Jax stares at me with a challenge in his eyes, as if daring me to give him a name. Maybe I shouldn’t. I mean, I’ve seen what these guys are capable of. They warned me that they’re dangerous. And they’re in the mafia for hell’s sake. But then the scars on my side start to throb, pulsate, begging me to let out that pain, just utter one name.
Dixie May?
My aunt?
Almost everyone from my old school.
The cop who hauled me away from my house that day.
The doctor from the psychiatric hospital who studied me way too closely.
I could even tell them myself. Punish myself for putting those scars on my wrist.
The scars on my side throb harder, begging me to say one name.
“All right,” I say. “I want you to take care of my uncle.”
Jax gives a nod, not a drop of surprise evident in his eyes, like he expected me to say just that. “All right, consider it done.”
Chapter Twelve
After my declaration, Jax gets up and leaves the room and Zay follows after him. So does Hunter, but he pulls me up with him and keeps ahold of my hand as he guides me out the door and into the hallway.
None of them exchange any words as Jax walks ahead with Zay right behind him and Hunter and I tagging along at the end. As the silence creeps up on me, unease stirs, and I instinctively reach into my pocket to grab my iPod and earbuds. Then I remember I left them in my locker, along with my stash of weed.
“Dammit,” I gripe unintentionally aloud.
Hunter glances at me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I give a dismissive shrug.
“Oh, now, come on. I wanna know.” He pouts, batting his eyelashes at me.
“Dude, how many times a day do you pull that crap?” I gesture at his batting eyelashes.
“All the damn time,” he answers shamelessly. “And it almost always works. Just like it’s going to now.” He bats his eyelashes again.
I roll my eyes hard. “Whatever. It’s not even a big deal. I was just curing ’cause I left my iPod at school. And my stash of weed.”
“Weed, huh?” His brow cocks. “You a stoner?”