I shook the woman’s hand and cleared my throat. Zeb was still staring at me from where he was propped up against the wall, but I ignored him and shook the hand of the other woman who came forward. She looked so much like Zeb that I knew she had to be his sister. When she introduced herself as Beryl and raked her eyes over me in a very speculative way, I couldn’t help but feel judged, not in a bad way, but the woman was obviously assessing my worth. I wanted to blurt out that I knew her little brother deserved better than what I had put him through as of late, but instead I told their mother, “Zeb has had to do most of the work. I just put the wheels in motion. Hyde should be at home with his family. I was happy to have a hand in making it happen.”
I looked at Zeb out of the corner of my eye, but he hadn’t moved a muscle. I could see a muscle in his cheek flexing under his beard and his eyebrows were furrowed over his eyes like he was contemplating something really troubling. I wanted to rub the furious lines away with my fingertips. I put my bag on the table and told the women to take a seat so I could briefly explain what was going to happen once we went before the judge. I looked at Zeb and asked him quietly if he wanted to join us.
He just shook his head and stayed where he was, looming like a grumpy statue and filling the tiny space with waves of discontent and annoyance. He wasn’t happy with me, which was fine. I wasn’t very happy with myself either. But I was getting there.
When the women sat down across from me, I ran through what would happen if the judge decided he wanted to speak with them about Zeb’s fitness as a parent. I warned Beryl that if she took the stand there was a very good chance that her history with Joss’s father would be brought up, and how it had led to Zeb’s arrest. I told her to keep calm, state the facts only, and to focus on how Zeb was with her daughter now. I told her to tell the court that she had no qualms about leaving Joss in Zeb’s care and to focus on how far he had come since his time in prison. I gave her a little grin and told her that all she had to do was tell the judge why Zeb was a great brother and uncle, to which she replied, “Piece of cake.”
I liked her immediately and it made me feel even worse for being the cause of the massive thundercloud that lurked in the corner of the room.
The woman nodded solemnly and continued to watch me like she was trying to figure out what made me tick. If she found an answer I was ready to beg her to share it with me because whatever mechanism had been used to wind me up and keep me going over the years felt broken and all the springs stretched out and sprung.
I turned to Zeb’s mom and found her looking between me and her son with speculation bright in her green eyes. I tapped my fingernails on the table like I always did when I was nervous and didn’t bother to stop when she finally landed her gaze back on me.
“If the judge calls you to the stand, it will mostly be to talk to you about taking care of Hyde after school until Zeb gets off of work. He’ll ask you how many hours you anticipate caring for him, how you plan on juggling a five-year-old with your existing schedule, and he may or may not ask your opinion about how you think Zeb will handle fatherhood full-time. All you need to do is present a united front with Beryl and show the court how much a part of your family Hyde already is. The judge already wants him to be with Zeb, so this is about all of us convincing him he made the right choice.”
She smiled at me and I caught a glimpse of where Zeb got his dimple. “Zeb’s done a fantastic job with Hyde so far. He might be a tad more lenient than I was with him when he was that age, but he’s learning.” She raised her dark eyebrows at me and reached out to pat my still twitching hands. “Being a single parent is never ideal, though. It’s nice to have someone else around to help handle the day-to-day trials and tribulations of raising a family.”
I forced my fingers to stop and looked over her shoulder toward her son. Zeb was still watching me and his face had turned even stonier at his mother’s words. He finally pushed off the wall and made like he was going to run his hands through his hair only to remember it was slicked back and somewhat presentable for court. He stopped short and huffed out a deep breath.
“Beryl and I turned out just fine, Ma. I promise not to ruin Hyde if it ends up being just me and him for the long haul.”
She laughed and we all got to our feet when I mentioned that it was time to head into the courtroom. “Of course you won’t ruin him, Zeb, and obviously there is no way on God’s green earth that you and that adorable little boy are going to be alone for long.”
She might have been speaking to her son, but she was looking right at me when she said it. She gave me a knowing look as she moved past me toward the door. It was Melissa Fuller’s truth, and it was as heavy as a ton of bricks when it hit me.
Her meaning was clear. Get my shit together right quick or else someone not scared, and not searching, was going to step up in my place and there would be no one else to blame for everything I stood to lose this time but me. Zeb got more than his dimple from his mother; his forthrightness and in-your-face honesty, no matter how harsh it might seem, obviously had come from her as well.
Zeb paused before me on his way out the door and I gazed up at him with everything I had inside of me shining out of my eyes.
“Good luck today.” My voice cracked and oozed longing at him.
His nostrils flared as he breathed out a heavy breath. He lifted a hand toward my face like he was going to cup my cheek but let it fall before he made contact. I wanted to cry as it fell away.