"Jake please–"
But I walk back to the bathroom, slam the door loudly and click the lock into place. I stand leaning on the sink for a few minutes with my eyes closed. God, just the sight of that woman brings back the memory of being a weak fifteen year old kid whose control had been completely taken away. I run my hands down my face and then turn to the shower, turning the water up as hot as it’ll go. I strip my tux off and leave it in a heap on the floor and step into the scalding water, standing under it as long as I can stand it before stepping out and blotting my red, stinging skin dry.
When I step back out of the bathroom, the room is vacated. I lay back on the bed, briefly considering calling Evie, but she said she was going to visit her friend tonight and I don’t want to interrupt her. She said she’d call when she got home. I close my eyes, feeling like I just need to rest for a minute. The emotions Lauren brings up in me always make me feel so damn tired. I just want to shut out the world for a little bit.
**********
I wake up, startled. What the f**k? I bolt upright, scrubbing a hand down my face. I don’t think I even moved from the position I fell into on the bed. The clock says 2:58 a.m. It’s almost six in Ohio. Evie never called me. Shit! What if something happened to her? That f**king bus. I knew I should have insisted on my driver. I’m pressing her number on speed dial before I even register picking up my phone from the bedside table.
My heart is hammering in my chest as her phone rings once, twice, three times. Then, finally, thank God, "Hello." Clearly I woke her up. My heart slows down but now I’m pissed. Why didn’t she call me?
"Evie."
She hesitates. "Hey." Something’s wrong.
"Hey, you never called me last night. I would have called you myself but I fell asleep waiting for you. I just woke up. I was worried."
There's silence for a second before she says, "Jake, I did call you. A woman answered your phone. She said you were in the shower." I can clearly hear the hurt in her voice. I blink, confused for a second before it comes to me. Fucking Lauren!
She must have answered my phone before she left my hotel room. Fucked up timing. The lie that falls out of my mouth about having co-workers in my room for drinks and a female co-worker answering my phone makes me feel shitty because of the ease with which it forms. It’s like a reflex to lie immediately when it comes to Lauren. I spent so many years keeping secrets when it comes to her. God, I hate this. I’m not ready for Evie to take on this burden, though. I can barely handle seeing Lauren for five minutes, and I’ve known what happened for years. What is this going to do to Evie?
I ask her if she’s upset and she’s silent for a second. "If that's the truth, Jake, then no, I'm not upset. I just don't see why she would pick up your cell phone and then not leave you the message." I close my eyes very briefly and grimace, hating myself.
"I don't know either, but they were drinking so that's my only guess. I'm sorry, baby. You must have been hurt," I say quietly.
I don’t even want to think about what I would have done if a man had answered her phone while she was in the shower. Just the idea of it makes me feel murderous.
She sighs but finally says, "I was confused, Jake. It's okay. If that's what happened then it's not your fault."
I feel relieved but a hot arrow of shame is slithering down my spine. I want so badly to share this with her, but know that it is the very thing that ruined us then and may ruin us now.
I clear my throat. "I miss you. I can't wait to see you. Am I still picking you up after work tonight?"
"Yes. I'll see you then, okay?"
"Okay. Evie, I've… I've really missed you. I know it's just been a couple days, but I, I'm just really looking forward to seeing you." I just want her. Need courses through my veins.
"Me too, Jake. See you tonight." Her voice is warmer now.
I disconnect and roll over, staring at the ceiling, wondering if Evie is going to be able to forgive me when she knows the truth.
**********
My morning meeting is wrapped up quickly and I’m able to get a flight back to Cincinnati that leaves an hour earlier than my originally scheduled flight. After picking up my car in the long-term lot, I have plenty of time to head to the mall. I’m going to buy Evie a laptop. She’s going to fight me on it but I’m doing it anyway. The need to make her life better in any way I possibly can is burning through me. Maybe it’s the foresight that my time in her life is temporary. I hope to God not and just the thought of that sends panic racing to my gut. I’d fight it tooth and nail but if that unthinkable scenario does in fact come to pass, I’m going to know I did what I could to put her in a position to make her dreams come true.
I drop it off at my condo and then go to pick Evie up at work. I wait for her outside my car and when she comes out, she sees me and halts, a beautiful smile spreading over her face. My whole body relaxes. I didn’t even realize how tense I was until I saw her. And now my pulse is strong and even in her presence.
"Hi," she says.
"Hi," I say back, still goofily grinning. We both burst out laughing and I can’t not touch her for a minute longer. I swoop her up and breathe her in. "God, I missed you. I missed your smile and," I stick my nose in the sweet crook of her neck, "your smell, your body against mine at night."
"I missed you too," she whispers back.