"Yeah, I’m good. I miss you too."
"My bed has been cold... and there’s nothing good to sniff on."
She laughs. "Maybe you should bring a warm batch of cookies to bed with you."
"Mmmm... kinky. We’ll have to try that."
She laughs again. "Okay, Jake, I know you have to get back to work. I’ll call you on Tuesday when I get home, okay?"
"I’ll be waiting. Bye, baby."
"Bye."
I walk back into my meeting smiling and wondering how I lived without her all those years. How did I do it? Then I realize, I wasn’t living. I was existing. I was putting one foot in front of the other and simply getting by. On my best days, numb and on my worst days, miserable.
**********
I fly to the San Diego office on Tuesday. Flying in over the water always reminds me of Evie and that very first plane ride to California. I'd been holding back a lump in my throat that kept threatening during the entire five hour journey. I missed her so desperately already. But I was also filled with a hope I'd never had before – a hope that I finally had a family, people who would help me and Evie start our life together when the time came. It would be so much easier now. I squash those memories. The darkness that hovers on the edge of those recollections is not somewhere I want to go right now.
I spend the day meeting with investors at an off-site conference room in a hotel on the bay. The view is breathtaking, not a cloud in the sky, the water sparkling, and sailboats dotting the horizon. But this is not home. Home is where she is and I can’t wait to get back to my cold, gray-skied – when I flew out – Midwestern city. I smile to myself. Home. All along I thought home was a location, and it turns out home is a person. Home is Evie.
I’d like to fly back tonight but I have a benefit dinner that the company is sponsoring. It’s for an organization that helps underprivileged kids in San Diego, a cause important to Phil that he did a lot of work for over the years, and perhaps the inspiration for wanting to adopt me in the first place. In any case, I feel like I need to represent him tonight. So I grudgingly don my tux and head there.
I mingle with some of the San Diego executives over cocktails, and as I’m turning to head to my table for dinner, I see Gwen walking my way. She’s tried to talk to me several times tonight but I’ve been successful so far in evading her. Apparently, me telling her not to come near me again went in one ear and out the other. What is it with me and females who don’t hear me? I clench my jaw and will her to turn the other way. She doesn’t.
"Jake!" she calls.
I turn slowly. "Gwen. What are you doing here?"
"Oh, mom couldn’t come. Daddy flew me in to be his date tonight." She smiles a big, dazzling smile.
Right at that moment, a photographer who has been taking shots of the guests mingling, comes up to us and asks for a picture. I briefly consider telling him to f**k off but don’t want to cause a scene, and so I lean in to Gwen and say with a phony smile, "If we were anywhere but in front of a camera at a company event right now, you’d be watching me walk the other way." She laughs as if I’m joking. I’m not. As soon as the camera flashes, I turn and walk in the opposite direction. After a few steps, I hear Gwen call behind me, "It’s because of her, isn’t it?"
I stop, turning slowly. "Her?"
Gwen has her hip cocked, one hand resting on it. "The girl on your back. You can’t let her go, can you?"
I look around but no one is close enough to hear what we’re saying. I shake my head slowly. "No. Never could. Never will."
She smirks and crosses her arms under her br**sts. "Well, good to know that it’s not just me."
I stare at her for a minute before replying, "If that helps you sleep at night, so be it." I turn and walk away.
**********
I leave as soon as I possibly can without it looking rude. It's early, but I’m looking forward to getting back to my hotel room and waiting for Evie’s call. I walk into my room and throw my stuff on the dresser and start taking off my jacket when I hear a knock on my hotel room door. Who the hell could that be? Thinking it’s most likely housekeeping with some question or another, I fling it open and Lauren is standing there. "Jake, before you close this door on me, please, can we just talk for a minute?"
I stare at her. "Lauren, there’s nothing to talk about–"
"Please. I just wanted to see you for a minute. I’ve been waiting in the lobby for an hour. Please."
"Lauren, say what you want to say quickly, from right there. You have thirty seconds. And I’m being generous with that."
She purses her lips before saying, "Don’t you see! This is OUR time, now, Jake. Phil is gone and we can be together now. We can have everything now, Jake. We–"
I grimace and take a step back. "Oh my God. There’s something seriously wrong with you."
She steps forward. "No, the only thing wrong is that I don’t have you. Jake, I need–"
"You need professional help. I want you to leave now, Lauren. Why do you ever think this will work?" I try to close the door on her but she holds it open, refusing to leave.
I grit out, "Fine. Have it your way. I’m not going to have a bodily struggle with you at the door. I’m going to go get in the shower, and LOCK the door. By the time I get out, if you’re not long gone, I’ll call security to cart you out of here. Do you understand me?"