She called me back after work that night.
“Hi,” she said when I answered. “I got your message.”
“Hey.” The sound of her voice made my heart beat faster. “I’m so glad you called.”
“I wasn’t going to.”
“I wouldn’t have blamed you.” I set a plate of (cold) chicken, frozen peas, a warm—not hot—dinner roll, and a slice of cantaloupe on the island for Scotty. “Come and eat,” I called to him where he was playing on the family room rug.
“Oh, are you having dinner?” she said. “Just call me later.”
“No! I mean, yes, of course I will, if you want, but have you thought about my invitation?”
“I’m…still thinking.”
My spirits flagged a little. “I understand. Anything I can say to persuade you to say yes? I’ll say it.”
“I don’t know. I miss you, and I want to see you, but…what’s different this time, Levi?”
“Everything,” I promised. It suddenly occurred to me that my invitation on her voicemail hadn’t made that clear. I’d just invited her out like I used to. “In fact, I want to amend my earlier offer. Instead of coffee or a drink, why don’t you come over for dinner Friday night?”
“To your house?”
“Yes. I want to introduce you to Scotty.”
She sighed. “Levi, you know I’d love that, but I’m not doing it if this is just what you think I want to hear.”
“It’s not,” I said. “In fact, it’s not for you at all, it’s for me. You know how selfish I am.” I heard her laugh, and it made me smile.
“OK, then…OK. I’ll come over Friday.”
“Great. I’ve been talking about you a little.”
“You have?”
I smiled even bigger at the shock in her voice. “Yeah. He looked a little worried when I said you were a doctor—he doesn’t love checkups—so don’t wear the white coat.”
She laughed. “I’ll be sure to leave that behind. Can I bring anything?”
“Nope. Just your company.”
“What time?”
“Is six OK?”
“Yes, I’ll come right from work.”
“Perfect. Can’t wait to see you.”
“Same. I miss you. And I can’t wait to meet Scotty.”
We hung up, and I felt better than I had in a month. I could do this. I looked over at Scotty, who was carefully scooping his frozen peas onto his yellow spoon, a few spilling off the plate, and felt a rush of love for him, too. Neither of us was perfect, but we tried.
Sometimes that’s all you can do.
• • •
I called my mother that night too. As I’d suspected, it didn’t go over well that I wouldn’t be at their house on Christmas Eve until I hinted at something bigger than just the holiday.
“I understand that you have to make things up to her, but why does it have to be on Christmas Eve? That’s for family.”
“That’s the point, Mom.”
“But those people aren’t your family.”
“But I’m hoping they will be.”
She gasped. “What? What does that mean?”
“It means that I’m serious about her, and I have to show her that I want her to be in my life, and I want to be in hers.”
“Well, what about Scotty? Why don’t you bring him here to spend the night with us while you go to her party, and then you can come up here afterward to sleep and you both wake up here on Christmas morning. Just like it used to be!” she said brightly, as if she’d found the perfect solution.
“No, Mom. I don’t want what used to be. I want to make new traditions. I want to be with Scotty and Jillian on Christmas Eve, and wake up with Scotty in our house.”
She sighed, a big, dramatic Mom Sigh. “Fine,” she said. “I understand. You’ll still come for brunch Christmas Day though, right?”
“We’ll be there. Would it be OK to bring Jillian?”
“Of course!” She perked right up. “We’d love to have her!”
“Good. We’ll see you then.”
• • •
In the days leading up to Friday, I spoke about Jillian to Scotty. He listened, I think, but whenever he’d ask about her, he’d refer to her as Ellie, no matter how many times I reminded him her name was Jillian. It was sort of sweet, and very Scotty, so after a while I gave up correcting him and figured it would work itself out on its own—or maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe he’d call her Ellie for the rest of her life. Somehow, I knew she’d be OK with that, because it meant Scotty recognized that we loved each other.
As long as he didn’t start calling me Carl.
I hadn’t been this nervous since my board exams. Walking up the front steps of Levi’s house, my knees knocked, my hands shook, and my stomach flip-flopped like a fish out of water. At the front door, I took a second to stand still, breathing slowly and deeply. On the count of three, I knocked.
Levi pulled the door open, and I barely had a chance to look at him before he grabbed me and pulled me to his chest, hugging me so tight I could hardly breathe.
“It’s so good to see you,” he said in my ear. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and breathed him in. This felt so good. Was he really ready to move forward, get past his fears? God, I hoped so. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but all I needed to hear was that he was willing to try.