“No doctor look,” I said, holding up my hands. “It’s a fair question. Autism looks different in everyone, but no, it doesn’t mean you don’t talk. Sometimes there are language delays, and some kids are nonverbal, but plenty of kids with autism are very social and talkative. Some don’t like eye contact, and some are fine with it.”
“So what is it, then?” Natalie asked.
“Well, it’s a neurological condition characterized by lots of different things to varying degrees. Often there are issues with social interaction and understanding. Some kids might have sensory issues. Some kids struggle with repetitive behaviors. Some have anxiety and/or OCD.” I shook my head. “And some might have none of those things. It’s really complex.”
“Maybe he’s like Sebastian,” Skylar said hopefully. “He struggled as a kid too, but therapy really helped.”
“I don’t know for sure what he’s like, but from what Levi has said, Scotty gets overwhelmed easily. He needs sameness to feel calm.”
“Poor kid,” Natalie said. “And poor Levi. That’s got to be so tough, being a single parent of a child with those kinds of issues.”
I nodded. “I think it is tough. And he’s such a good dad. Totally devoted to his son.”
Skylar sighed and looked off in the distance. “That’s so hot. Why does that have to be so hot? It makes things difficult.”
“It does,” I agreed, “but it shows that, unlike a lot of other hot guys I’ve met, he’s actually responsible and selfless. He knows how to take care of someone.”
“Well, he certainly knows how to take care of you.” Skylar looked at me again and wiggled her eyebrows. “So what are you thinking? I mean, what if he just wants to be friends?”
I lifted my shoulders. “Then I guess I’d be his friend. But I don’t think I’d sleep with him anymore. It would be too confusing. Although…” I closed my eyes, feeling his hands on my body again. “That would be really hard. It’s all I can think about.”
“Ha! You fiend!” Skylar hit my shoulder. “Welcome to the club.”
“Honestly, it’s really ridiculous how much I think about sex with him,” I said. “I’ve never been this way before.”
“That’s a good sign,” said Natalie. “And you don’t have to look so guilty about it. It’s totally OK, even if you guys do stay just friends for a while. No need to put a label on things. I’m just saying it’s good to be on the same page.”
I agreed with Natalie that Levi and I should talk, but I was also reluctant to break the spell we were under. This feeling, this incredible wanting, and knowing I was wanted in return, felt like magic.
I didn’t want to look behind the curtain just yet.
I arrived at Jillian’s with groceries at quarter after six, and as I stood waiting for her to answer the door, my heart beat faster. I’d fucking missed her. We hadn’t talked much through the week, once Sunday and once Wednesday, and I was always amazed at how quickly the time passed when we were on the phone. Half an hour felt like three minutes. Other than that there were just a few quick texts, once yesterday to ask if she ate red meat (she did), and then earlier today to make sure she had a couple ingredients I would need.
But I’d thought about her constantly, trying to reconcile my feelings for her with my responsibilities as a father. It would be so much easier if I just wanted the sex—but I didn’t. I wanted more. Did she?
When she answered the door, I realized I’d been holding my breath. Or maybe the sight of her took it away.
“Hi,” she said, giving me a quick kiss before reaching for one of the bags. “Let me help.” She was still dressed in her work clothes, a narrow black skirt, cream-colored blouse, and black heels.
“I’ve got it.” I held on to both bags and pushed the door shut behind me. “But you can kiss me again.”
She grinned and moved closer, putting a hand on either side of my face and pressing her lips to mine. Her kiss was soft and sweet at first, but then I felt her tongue sliding along my lower lip, her mouth opening, head tilting, hands sliding into my hair. Pretty soon her body was pressed against mine and her arms were wrapped around my neck.
“Sorry,” she said breathlessly. “I’m getting a little carried away.”
“No complaints here,” I said, “but I promised to cook for you, and in five seconds I’m not gonna give a fuck about dinner, so if you’re hungry—”
“Oh, I’m hungry.” She ran her hand down the front of my pants and rubbed my cock, which was quickly turning to steel. “I’m ravenous, in fact.”
“Jillian—”
“Shhhhhh.” She put a finger over my lips. “I’m making the rules this time.”
I dropped the two bags of groceries, pushed her back to the wall, and pinned her wrists above her head. “I don’t think so.”
“I love it when you get rough with me,” she whispered, like she was confessing a secret. “I've always remembered that about you.”
“And yet you’re trying to make the rules.” My calm, quiet tone was in complete contrast to the violent roar of blood through my veins. “What’s that about?”
She was panting, her chest rising and falling quickly. “To provoke you. And it worked.”
I shut her up with a kiss, crushing my mouth over hers and pulling her blouse from her skirt. She moaned when I slid my hands up her chest, covering both breasts and then rubbing my thumbs over her nipples. I could feel lace and wondered what it looked like. “Take your blouse off. I want to see you.”