She grabs his hand, shaking it wildly. “Mommy calls me Maddie. You can call me Maddie, too!”
“Maddie,” he repeats.
It’s a sweet moment—or well, it should be sweet. Tears sting my eyes that I blink away, a lump in my throat that I force down, not wanting to confuse Maddie with my reaction.
“What are you doing here?” I ask quietly when Jonathan stands back up.
“McKleski sent me to get milk,” he says. “She told me to make myself useful.”
“Yeah, uh…” I glance toward the store. “You’re not going to want to do that. The cashier that’s working, well, she’s a bit of a Breezeo fangirl.”
“Me, too!” Maddie says.
I grasp Maddie’s shoulder, pulling her back to me. “Yes, but you, little one, know how to keep a secret.”
“I do,” she says, smiling widely as she looks up at me. “Like that one time when you told me that secret that you didn’t like—”
I don’t even know where she’s going with this, but I don’t let her finish, clamping my hand down around her mouth to muffle her words, hissing, “Secret, remember?”
Jonathan laughs. “Well, then. I guess no milk for McKleski today.”
Maddie yanks my hand away from her mouth, too excited to stay quiet. “I can get her milk!”
“No, I, uh…” Crap. “I can do it. It’ll only take a second. Just…” Crap. “Uh…” How did I get myself into this? “Just wait here. Do you think you can…?” Crap. Crap. Crap. I wave between him and Maddie. “For just a second?”
His eyes widen when he realizes what I’m asking, like he can’t believe his ears, which is funny, because I can’t believe it came from my own freaking lips. Did I seriously ask him to watch her for me?
“Sure,” he says hesitantly, like he expects me to change my mind, and I want to, but I can’t, not when I’ve already said it. “If you’re sure.”
I nod. “I’ll be right back.”
I try to be calm about it, to not raise any alarms, my footsteps determined as I head back into the store. I make my way to the back, grabbing a gallon of milk, before heading for the register with it, my heart racing the whole time. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe I just did that. I left her with him, just left her there—with him—just like that. He could take her. He could run. For all I know, that was his plan all along. Maybe he doesn’t even need milk.
“Forget something?” Bethany asks when I set the milk in front of her.
“Yeah,” I mumble. “Stupid me.”
She rings it up, and I pay for it, snatching up the gallon of milk before she can make conversation.
Stepping out of the store, I exhale shakily, spotting them still standing there together. Maddie is talking nonstop, while he’s grinning down at her like he’s mesmerized.
His smile dims a bit when I approach. He almost looks disappointed that I’m back. I try to brush that off as I shove the milk at him, but my stomach knots.
“Thanks,” he says. “Maddie was telling me all about the ducks.”
“Is that right?” I glance at her. “We should probably get over there.”
“I told him we got kale!” she says, squeezing the bags. “He says that’s crazy, ‘cuz they eat bread! But he’s the crazy one, ‘cuz bread is bad for the ducks, but he doesn’t believe they eat the kale!”
“Well, then,” I say when she pauses to take a breath. “Guess he doesn’t know much about ducks.”
“Guess not,” he agrees, lingering there like he doesn’t want to leave.
“He should come!” Maddie declares, looking at him with wide eyes. “You can feed the ducks!”
“I’m not sure about that, sweetheart,” I say.
“Why not?” she asks.
Why not? It’s a good question, one I’ve got no answer for—at least, no answer she’ll understand. “I’m sure he’s busy.”
“Too busy for ducks?” she asks incredulously, looking at him with disbelief. “You don’t wanna feed them with me?”
I’m screwed. That’s it. I know it instantly. The way she asked that, the way she worded it? There’s no way he can say no.
He mumbles something, not answering her question, and looks to me for help. It’s strange, seeing him so vulnerable. He’s drowning right now.
“We’ll be over at the park,” I tell him. “If you want to come by after you drop the milk off.”
“Are you sure?”
He’s asking me, but Maddie answers. “Duh.”
He laughs. “Well, then, I guess I’ll see you.”
After a moment of hesitation, a moment of staring at Maddie again, he finally leaves. Maddie watches until he slips out of sight. Turning to me, she grins. “Mommy, it’s Breezeo. He’s here!”
She’s got stars in her eyes, my dreamer girl, and I return her smile, even though I’m terrified that all this is going to inevitably crush her. He’s here, and he’s trying, but how long can that last? How long until he blows out of town again and goes back to his life, leaving everything behind? How long until my lovesick little girl becomes an inconvenience to him, too?
Chapter 10
JONATHAN
The park is quiet this early in the afternoon, a few families hanging out, minding their own business. Nobody pays me any attention as I stroll toward the picnic tables, hat pulled down low, sunglasses on to avoid eye contact.
I’ve done live press conferences and walked red carpets, sat through depositions with high-powered attorneys who never hesitated to tear me apart. I went to rehab once... twice… okay, more like five times, sat through countless AA meetings and spilled my soul to the best goddamn shrink over on the west coast. Audition after audition, meetings and negotiations, interviews on press junkets where reporters seemed to not understand what ‘no personal questions’ meant. I’ve been around some important people in my life. Even met the president once.
But never, through all that, was I ever as nervous as I am at this moment.
My palms are sweaty. My arm is itching. My wrist hurts like a son of a bitch—I can feel it throbbing along to the beat of my heart.
I think I’m going to be sick, but I suck it up as I head toward the water, where Kennedy lingers with our daughter.
I feel like shit, yeah, but nothing’s going to get in the way of this… whatever it is. I’ll take anything I can get.
“You’re here!”
Madison’s voice is loud, excited, as she runs up to me, still lugging around bags of kale. Her dark hair falls into her face, her braid coming undone. She blows it away, shoving it out of her eyes, smiling up at me.
“Of course,” I say. “Couldn’t miss seeing these ducks.”
She shoves one of the bags at me, damn near punching me with it. I wince when she hits a bruised rib. It hurts like hell, but I make not a sound as she says, “You can feed them that one, ‘cuz I got this one.”
I take the bag, hesitating, before pulling the sling off my arm. I’m supposed to keep wearing it for a few more days, but fuck it. Can’t do this one-handed. I toss it on the grass, watching as Madison rips her bag open, splitting it down the side and damn near losing all her kale. It starts to spill, and instinct kicks it. My hand darts out, and I grab ahold of it, wincing again as pain stabs up my forearm. “Careful.”
“I gots it,” she says, matter-of-fact, although she doesn’t, leaving a trail of kale around us like Hansel & Gretel with breadcrumbs. None will make it to the ducks at the rate we’re going.
“Here,” I say, struggling as I open the second bag. “Let’s trade.”
She shrugs, like she doesn’t see what the big deal is, but she trades bags with me before heading toward the water. “Come on, I’ll show you!”
Met her less than an hour ago and she’s already bossing me around. I follow her to the riverbank, where a family of ducks swims in the water.
“What about your mom?” I ask, feeling guilty, like I’m stealing Kennedy’s morning.