I reached for a roll, but my hand was slapped away.
“No,” Avery growled.
With a sigh, I leaned forward and said in a low voice, “Don’t you think I know how bad it hurt? How awful it was the next day when I woke up with the hangover from hell? I never meant to hurt her. I wouldn’t—look, regardless of how things were between us, the last thing she deserved was that.”
A hunk of bread fell from Avery’s lips. “You really mean that, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not a complete monster—I’d think you would know me better than that.” I tried to keep the hurt out of my voice, but it was impossible.
Our gazes locked.
The air was tense with all the words left unsaid.
Four years’ worth of them.
I looked away, suddenly grateful for Kayla’s exit.
Because it gave me time with the only girl I actually wanted to be having dinner with on a Wednesday.
Avery.
Shit. I was already in so deep, wasn’t I?
I couldn’t see beyond the hole I was digging for myself. The kiss had unlocked every damn thing, and the more I pushed her away, the more I hurt her. She was probably ready to strangle me half the time whenever I brought up my girls, and yet she held her head high and met me with a fierceness I found so damn irresistible and admirable that I couldn’t help but crave her more.
A waiter approached.
“Steak.” I winked at Avery. “Just bring us two giant steaks, mashed potatoes, the house salad, and—”
“Corn!” Avery added, shoving another piece of bread in her mouth.
“You heard the lady.” I chuckled and handed him the menus.
“Would you like something to drink, sir?” he asked.
“No, I’m good.” For some reason, I wanted a clear head, and after that kiss, I was already half-drunk on Avery’s mouth, the same mouth she was still stuffing bread into.
I raised my eyebrows.
“I’m a nervous eater,” she said defensively. “Thanks for coming by and making Kayla believe it’s real, but you can run along and hang out with Chelsea, who I’m sure is pissed.”
And as I often did around Avery, I felt like an ass. “Actually, she thought it was going to be a group orgy. I let her down slowly though, told her you weren’t into anything sexual and still wore a training bra.”
“How sweet of you.” Avery kicked my foot under the table.
I winced. “That was uncalled for.”
“You insulted my boobs—I’ll have you know they’re very sensitive.”
I bit out a curse and reached for my water. She was young, inexperienced, and probably didn’t intend for her words to affect me, and yet I was nursing fast-moving arousal under the table.
“That came out wrong.” Her cheeks blushed bright pink.
“Funny, I’d say it came out just right.” I leaned in. “Let’s discuss this further.”
“Aw, sorry, can’t. I’m not your normal Wednesday, so no matter how this night ends, whether I’m at my place or yours—my private parts are on lockdown.”
“You really need to stop drawing my attention to your breasts. Might give me the wrong idea.”
She gulped, her eyes locking on my mouth. “Yeah, well, when I’m stressed I blurt out things that make no sense. You’re free to ignore me the rest of the night. Say, where are we with that whole leaving and forgetting about this idea?”
“Staying.” I wrapped my arm around her. “Right here.”
She slumped forward. “But . . .”
“That didn’t seem to go well.” I changed the subject and reached for the last piece of bread.
She shrugged. “It sucked actually. At least I didn’t have to defend your lifestyle and why you were sitting with another girl.” She scowled as a blush heated her cheeks. “I didn’t want her to look at you that way, I just . . . I mean, I hate you—you get that, right?”
“Do you?” My heart thudded slowly in my chest, waiting for her answer. “Do you really hate me so much?”
She blinked and looked down at her hands. “I want to.”
“You want to hate me, but you don’t.”
She nodded.
“So that must mean you kind of like me?”
“What is this, middle school?”
“I wouldn’t know, that was a long time ago for me, but for you—hey, wasn’t that like five years—”
She smacked me in the chest. I grabbed her hand and held her sizzling fingertips against my neck until they began slowly inching up to cup my cheek. “Tell me one thing, and I want the truth, Thorn.”
I sighed, body buzzing with awareness. “Okay.”
She licked her pink lips, and her hand continued to move back and forth against my jaw, driving me insane with the need to kiss her. “Why did you guys stop having sex?”
My head told me to lie.
My heart told me that was all I’d been doing for the past four years.
“Because I kissed you, and I knew in that moment that if I could kiss a seventeen-year-old girl—if I looked forward to stupid things like picking you up at work or you coming to me when your boyfriend dumped you—then I was already screwed. In my mind, I was cheating. I was a cheater then, Avery. I’m a cheater now. At least now I admit it. When I was with Kayla . . . all I wanted. Was. You.”