***
The next two days pass in a fog. I laugh where I should and talk where I should. I even smile too, but none of it feels real. Lily calls so much I start to ignore her.
“Hello, Chey,” Gregory says as we walk out of class.
“Hi.”
He squints. “Wow. I didn’t think you’d be so normal when I spoke to you.”
I shrug. “I’m over it.” Looking at him, I wonder why I let him get under my skin so much. Why us breaking up or him screwing Red had such a huge effect on me. I wasn’t dead in the woods. All I did was lose a boyfriend.
Smiling at him, I try to keep walking. “Wait,” he steps in front of me.
“I have to go. I don’t want to be late for class.”
But I don’t go to class. I go back to my room to try and sleep before Andy gets back.
***
“Hey.” Colt steps up next to me, while I’m walking to the coffee house on Thursday.
My heart drops off for a couple beats and then picks up again. “Hey.” I keep walking and so does he.
“You ignore all your ex-boyfriends like this?”
He called a few times yesterday. I’m surprised he’s trying at all. I’m not really sure why he would, but him being here is like he’s picking at the edge of a sticker. Using his nail to peel back a layer of me that I can’t handle removing.
“So that’s how it is? I play your game and then you ignore me?”
I want to ask him why he cares. What he’s going to get out of this. But then, I guess a part of me knows. We have death between us. Mine from the past and his lingering in the future. “I’m not ignoring you. I’m just in a hurry.”
He stops walking. “Whatever you have to tell yourself, Princess.”
I am going to kill him! I cross my arms and plant my feet. “Stop. Calling. Me. Princess.”
Colt grins. It’s strange because he’s this tattooed, messy-haired guy who wears faded jeans and t-shits. One look at him and you can tell he doesn’t take shit—that life hasn’t been easy and he’s scarred because of it. But when he smiles? Really smiles, it’s perfect. Like toothpaste commercial, boy-next-door beauty that makes it really hard to be pissed at him.
And I also know I just did exactly what he wanted me to do. I reacted. I don’t want to react anymore, but I can’t seem to help it. “Why are you doing this?”
“I’m just talkin’. What’s wrong with that?”
“You know what I mean.”
He shrugs and the confusion in his eyes makes me wonder if maybe he doesn’t know either.
“Colt! Get the f**k over here, man. You got ten seconds or I’m leaving!” Adrian sits in car on the street.
“Bastard,” Colt mumbles. “Go get your coffee. You’re even pissier when you don’t have caffeine.”
I can’t even get mad because he’s smiling as he says it.
For the first time in maybe ever, when we walk away, we’re not mad. One isn’t stalking away from the other. We walk away separate, but together.
***
I have no idea whose house we’re at. All I know is the music is loud, the place is packed and there’s plenty of alcohol, much of which I have partaken in. The tingle of my buzz zips around inside me, taking out all of the thoughts I don’t want to have.
I lost Andy a while ago, but this time I don’t care. I’m dancing, drinking and not caring who or what’s around me.
I feel someone slide up behind me, a hand on my waist. I turn around and Gregory is standing there.
“I don’t remember saying you can touch me,” I hiss.
“Aw, come on, Chey. We’re just dancing.”
“Where’s Red?” He doesn’t move his hand so I shimmy out of his reach.
Gregory’s forehead wrinkles, but then he catches on. “Maxine? I’m not with her. We were just messing around. You’ve always been the one I want.” He steps closer to me again, his mouth right up against my ear. “We’re good together, honey. You know that. I screwed up, but I won’t do it again.”
My world is spinning, partly from alcohol, but also because of Gregory’s words. I should want this. Want him. I can be normal with him and forget about Mom’s body in the woods, all the tears I’ve cried and even about Colt. I look at him, wondering if he could make it all go away. If I can go back to pretending. Gregory smiles and my stomach aches. No, he couldn’t. He hurt me, and I can’t trust him. Maybe it’s a male thing. Maybe none of them can be trusted.
“I have to go.” I jerk away from him and weave my way through the mass of people. The music suddenly feels too loud, almost echo-y. The spins suck me in a vortex worse than I’ve ever felt.
“Chey! Wait.”
I keep walking and so does Gregory. When he grabs my hand I try to pull away, but can’t, so I keep going, dragging him with me. I need air.
“Who are you looking for, little girl? Did you lose your mama?” The man’s breath stinks like alcohol and something else that I can’t place. I try to pull free from his grasp, but can’t.
Panic starts to pop and explode inside me, starting off like the small fireworks you do at home, but each one is bigger and bigger like the finale in New York.
Let go of me! I don’t know if I say it out loud. If I’m talking to Gregory or my past. I just need out.
I fall out the door and into the yard. My chest squeezes the air, the life out of me. I try to pry my fingers open as they fist. My nails dig into the palm of my hand. “Get off me!” This time I know the words come out. I fall on the ground. Gregory falls with me. I kick and scream, trying to get away from him.
I can’t see. I’m lost in a fog.
“Chey? What the hell? What’s wrong with you? I just want to talk.” Gregory.
I can’t hold down the panic. It’s taking me over, a chameleon changing me. “Go away.”
“Colt!” I hear someone yell.
“I’m trying. You have my f**king shirt!” Gregory screams. There’s a grunt and he’s gone. I scramble to my feet, still feeling like there’s a rock on my chest.
“Come with me. I’ll help you find your mama.” Loud music. It’s still so loud.
Colt’s fist flies through the air and slams into Gregory’s face.
“What the f**k?! I didn’t do anything to her!”
And he didn’t. Not really. But I can’t take it. The yard closes in on me, locking me in. Trapping me. Baring weight on top of me.
I can’t stop myself. I turn and run.
~CHAPTER FIFTEEN~
Colt
I watch as Cheyenne’s ex falls to the ground, grabbing his jaw.
“I don’t give a shit what you think. You’re close to her when she doesn’t want you there, so you’re doing something. Stay the f**k away from her.”
My hand hurts. I’m breathing hard, itching for him to do something else so I can hit him again.
“You know she can’t really want you, right? She’s just trying to make me jealous.”
Fuck if he isn’t dead on, but that doesn’t matter. “Think what you want, Pretty Boy. All I know is if she tells me you laid one hand on her she didn’t want, I won’t stop next time.” Greg dusts himself off, gives me one more dirty look before walking away.
Adrian steps up beside me, so I turn to him. I look around. There are only a few people in the yard. I know she’d freak out if too many people saw. “Good lookin’ out, man.” He’d been outside with some chick and called for me. “Where is she?”
He nods his head. “Over there. I think she went behind that shed.”
“Damage control and then meet me at the car.”
I run over to the shed. Each step I take I wonder what the hell I’m doing. This girl isn’t my problem. I played her little game with her and now it’s over. Still, I creep around the back of the small building and when I see her huddled on the ground, I don’t turn away.
“Hey…it’s me.” Fuck. She probably doesn’t just recognize my voice in the dark. “Colt.” I don’t want her to trip out. Something serious has happened to this girl. I don’t know who she is, but she’s not who I thought.
“Go away.”
I smirk. No matter what happens to her she still doesn’t have a problem being pissed at me. “Not gonna happen.”
I bend down. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do or not, but I touch her shoulder. My hand starts to tremble from her. She’s shaking like f**king crazy. “Come on. Let’s get you out of here.”
Another shiver wracks her whole body. It vibrates through me. Can she even walk? “I’m going to pick you up, okay? Don’t kick my ass.” I’m hoping for a laugh that I don’t get. She doesn’t tell me to go to hell either, so I figure I’m safe.
I scoop her up. Her shaky arms wrap around me. She buries her face in my neck. “Maybe you should kiss me. That way if anyone sees us they’ll think you want me too much, I had to carry you so I could get you alone faster.”
With that, I feel wetness on my throat. It’s not from her mouth. A little whimper sneaks out of her lips and she’s shaking in a different way now. She’s crying and somehow I know that’s a huge deal for her.
“I got you. We’re good. Let’s get you out of here.”
I sneak her out the back gate so we don’t run into anyone else. Adrian is already in his car, on the street. I manage to open the back door and get in without letting go of her. I don’t have time to wonder what I’m doing or why I feel okay doing it. I can’t do shit for anyone else in my life, but maybe I can help make this okay.
Adrian drives. Leaning forward I kiss the top of her head. I feel her shaking as she cries, but no sounds come out. She’s locked up so tight and I both respect her for protecting herself and want to set her free at the same time. “It’s okay. We’re good.”