He is almost to his car when he stops and turns around.
I run to him, not caring that all I am wearing is an old football jersey and fling myself around him.
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a horrible person,” I say pressing my face against his chest. “I’m so sorry.”
“What are you talking about?” he grabs my chin lifting my face to look at him. “You’re a good person.”
“No, no I’m not,” I shake my head violently from side to side. “I’m desperately wicked.” He smiles at me rubbing my back like I am a child. Then he bends down and I felt his lips on my neck. He kisses me lightly, intimately.
“Why do you keep saying that about yourself,” he laughs softly. “I like you a lot, Desperately Wicked.” His feet start moving in tune to some silent song and I fall into step with him. I am conscious of the air on my bare legs, on the warmth of his hands on my back and laced through my fingers.
“That is all I care about Olivia.”
“You’ll change your mind,” I tell him. “When you…realize who I am.”
“I already know who you are.”
I shake my head the inevitable tears brimming beneath my lids.
“You don’t know anything.”
“I know everything I need to know. Be quiet.”
So I shut my mouth-shut it tight and bit back my confession….again. I can feel the truth pressing hard against time. But, right now he is humming Yellow and we are dancing under the sky, tangled together for the last time. Let Leah tell him. I will remain the coward.
Later that night I am in my robe, towel drying my hair when I hear a sharp rapping on my door.
I toss my towel aside, and fling the door wide, expecting to see Caleb.
“Hello Olivia.”
Leah.
She is smiling casually at me like we are old friends.
“What the hell?” I say this more to myself than her, but she looks amused anyway. I stand aside to let her in.
She fidgets with her hair, winding a strand of it around one of her milky, white fingers. She strolls in casually and surveys the room.
“You cleaned up.”
I raise my eyebrows, bored. If she was coming for a fight—I wasn’t interested.
“Well?” I say, “What do you want?”
“Oh, I’m here to make a deal with you,” she looks at me expectantly, narrowing her nut shaped eyes.
She stinks of expensive perfume and new clothes. I watch as she perches lightly on the arm of my sofa as if she’s too good to actually sit on it.
She looks like a china figurine in a thrift shop. I walk to where she is and face her.
“Say what you came to say and get out,” I demand.
She clears her throat, a delicate chirping noise, and folds her hands in her lap.
“I’m sure you are aware by now that certain incriminating things have come into my possession.”
“I am aware that you stole my pictures and letters, yes,” I manage.
“It was clever—what you pulled on Caleb,” she pulls a monogrammed cigarette box out of her purse and flips open the lid. “He told me you were manipulative when we first started dating. But wow!”
She taps a cigarette into her palm and runs her thumb along the wheel of her lighter. I remember Jim doing the same thing. I have lost my fascination with the process.
“You’re like a bad cold, Olivia that just won’t go away. But, you are going to go away and you‘re going to leave my fiancée and I alone.”
“He’s no more your fiancé than he is mine,” I snip. “In fact, as far as I know, there is an engagement ring sitting in his sock drawer that he never plans on putting on your finger.” I watch in satisfaction as the color drains from her face.
“If there hadn’t been an accident, if you hadn’t shown up, I would be wearing that ring right now. Do you know why? Because he chose me. He dumped you and moved on to me. You are just his little distraction. You mean nothing to the real Caleb.” She is panting, her eyes on fire like her stupid hair.
I feel gunpowder ignite in my veins. She didn’t know anything about Caleb. I was the one he fell in love with first. I was the one who hurt him most. I was tied to him by broken hearts and tears and regret, and by God, it was more of a bond than she was ever going to have with him.
“If you see me as so inconsequential, then why are you here?”
She thinks about it.
“I’m here to offer you an escape.” I watch her scarlet lips suspiciously, as they curl around the cigarette.
“I’m listening.”
“If Caleb finds out how you’ve taken advantage of him…well, I’m sure you know what will happen,” she taps her ash onto my scarred coffee table. “If you stop seeing him—if you disappear, I won’t tell.”
“You won’t tell?” I mock her kindergartener choice of words and roll my eyes. “He’s going to know what I did when his memory comes back. What difference will it make to me if you tell him now or he finds out later?”
“You get to walk away by choice. Keep some semblance of integrity. Think about it darling, you’re going to be humiliated when he discovers your little lie. There will be a confrontation, tears, and hurt that will take a long, long time to heal. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t give a damn about you—it’s Caleb that I want to protect.”
“Somehow, I find it hard to believe that your sole concern, in this matter, is Caleb,” I say blandly. She stands up dropping the butt of her Charleston onto my carpet and stubbing it out with her toe.