“You couldn’t be more wrong,” she said. “I’ve decided on a different and more satisfying life, just as you have. The only real difference is, you decided before you were divorced. At least I waited until after.”
“How am I supposed to get by?” he asked. “Come on, Justine, I’ve spent the last twenty years as a stay-at-home dad! Supporting your career! Raising our kids! You owe me support.”
“Are we really going down that path again? You could easily have taken on a full-time job—you do have a business degree, after all,” she added, mocking him.
“You were bored and you found a woman—a woman with a kayak shack in trouble. Was she about to lose it?”
“That’s none of your business, but in the spirit of cooperation I’ll just say that if anyone can turn that business around, it’s me.”
“That’s what I thought,” she said. “You’ve committed your nest egg to Cat Brooks and her floundering business. I wonder how long ago you decided.”
“You’re doing it again, making up some narrative that leaves you blameless in the divorce. You want everything to be my fault when you ignored me in favor of your prestigious job for years. And you made sure everyone knew you were the breadwinner, didn’t you?”
“You made a deal with a woman you’re having an affair with to give her money and help her get her business on its feet, though you have no way of knowing if you can. And now you need money. I think we are finished. Except for our kids, you and I have nothing more to say.”
“We have to find a solution to this together,” he said.
“We’re not a team anymore, Scott. You wanted to be free. You wanted your half of everything we’d accrued. I asked you several times if you were sure.”
“Yeah, but you tricked me!”
“No, I didn’t. I just got on with my life. It’s a different kind of life for me now. I wouldn’t have chosen it, at least not at this time. Later. I had hoped it would come later, after the kids were through college, when it was you and me. I had no idea you were planning something else.”
“And just what am I supposed to do now?”
“Gee, Scott. Do whatever you want. And good luck.”
And then she ended the call.
Chapter Eleven
Adele’s first appointment at Berkeley was with Dr. Hennessey, a young female PhD in the department of social sciences. They had a pleasant conversation about Adele’s change in direction and a new graduate program, and it gave her a chance to sing the praises of the reentry program where she worked.
There would be a boatload of work to do to complete an application—a mission statement, all her transcripts, including her original GRE test for graduate study. There would be a series of interviews and if all went well, she could be admitted as early as spring. Dr. Hennessy looked over course programs and saw that while there were a few courses she would have to attend, she could fill in with a few online courses and required papers. At first glance it looked as though it would be no harder than her original graduate program, and ironically, that psychology class she took from Hadley. Hutchinson would count toward her counseling degree.
Adele was able to forward copies of all her paperwork to Dr. Hennessey, and she followed up with another meeting a few weeks later. It was the first of October, back to school season was in full swing, the leaves on the California hillsides were changing color. It was a time of year that always filled Adele with a sense of freshness and energy. Her nieces were going to football games and a couple of high school dances, but what was interesting was that they continued to balance their time between Half Moon Bay and San Jose, spending more and more time in Half Moon Bay.
As Adele was walking across campus carrying a cup of coffee after her second meeting with Dr. Hennessey, she heard someone call her name. She turned to see Hadley taking long strides toward her.
“Adele!” he said. “Addie!”
Curse him. Now in his forties, he was devilishly handsome. Just the slightest touch of gray graced his temples. His face was tanned, his eyes as blue as the sky and his long lean body lithe and hard. She remembered that body, all of it.
Suddenly, she thought about Scott and how he’d spent so much money on hotels and spas for his affair while Hadley had seduced her in his campus office, the front of his car or on a blanket on a hideaway beach.
“Professor,” she said, looking up at him.
His face was bright with happiness, his eyes twinkling. When she addressed him as professor, a smile broke across his lips. Oh those teeth—big and straight and super white.
“Adele, what a sight you are,” he said. “You look wonderful! It’s been years! And look at you. You’ve grown even more beautiful! What are you doing here?”
“I...ah... I was visiting an acquaintance who has an office here. And I guess this means you’re still teaching here?” She was scrambling to sound casual even though Dr. Hennessey was not actually an acquaintance and she knew perfectly well he was still teaching at the university. She checked the website regularly.
“I think about you all the time, hoping we’d see each other again. I assume you finished your degree at another university?”
“Not exactly,” she said. “It’s a long story, but I was needed at home. Listen, I’ve got to get—”
“Please,” he said. “Don’t run off. I don’t want to lose touch with you again. Do you have time for a cup of coffee? Oh, I see you have a cup. Lunch then, or something. Please, I’ve thought about you for years. Can we at least sit somewhere and catch up? For just a little while?”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” she asked. “We didn’t part on the best of terms.”
“My fault,” he said. “You can’t imagine the regrets I’ve had about that. Or the number of times I wanted to track you down and insist we at least talk it through!”
“But you didn’t,” she said. “I never heard from you.”
“You told me you’d never speak to me again! You were so angry. And so hurt. I couldn’t...”
That was at least partially true. Yes, there had been a fierce argument after she told him she’d seen him with his wife. She’d told him to stay away from her.
“You lied to me about everything!” she said.
“You don’t even know what you saw! Did it ever occur to you that she was emotional because I’d told her I wanted a divorce?”
“She was pregnant!”
“I know. I felt terrible about that. It happened before...us. I found out about it after us. I planned to take care of them, of course. And I have.”
“What do you mean, you have?” she asked.
“We’re not together. It’s only been a few years now, but the problems started a long time ago. I have two daughters. We work out the custody arrangements. It’s been complicated and at times difficult. But what’s done is done. Obviously my marriage was in trouble or there couldn’t have been...us.”
Adele felt her heart plummet in her chest. No, that wasn’t how it was. It wasn’t that way. He begged for more time to do what had to be done, but meanwhile, while she waited for him, she was to get an abortion. That was how it was.
“I remember it a little differently,” she said, and to her horror a tear slid down her cheek.
“Oh darling, I know how traumatic it was for you,” he said. “And you were so young. I must’ve been a monster to let myself fall in love with you.”
Yes, he had said all those words—that he was being selfish, that many men would want her and he would probably be her worst choice, but still, he couldn’t help what he felt.
“I just wish you’d have let me be with you during that difficult time. The baby lost, your grief...”
“It wasn’t lost the way you think,” she blurted. “I didn’t go through with it, the abortion. I couldn’t. But I lost him anyway. It felt like I was being punished...”
The look on his face could have stopped a speeding train. Shock and dread etched lines in his face. “What?”
“I didn’t have an abortion.”
“But we planned...”
“I just couldn’t. I went home. And my father had an accident so I stayed on to help take care of him. I didn’t go back to school.”
He shook his head as if to deny what she was saying. “I knew you dropped out. Of course I knew that. But I thought... I guess I thought you’d come back or finish somewhere else. I thought about looking for you but then I told myself I’d already done enough damage.” He looked around as if to see who might’ve overheard them. “Addie, we must talk. For just a little while. Come with me to Mac’s,” he said, speaking of a small, dark little off-campus pub. They’d logged many a romantic hour there, whispering and holding hands in a corner booth.
“No, I really can’t...”
“Please. I want to know everything that happened to you, and I want to tell you what happened with me. Please.”
She hesitated, but ultimately she said, “Fine. I’ll meet you over there.”
She hadn’t seen the inside of that old bar in years, but the only thing that seemed different was that it had somehow become shabbier. She remembered it as quaint and charming, but now it seemed shopworn. There were just a dozen or so people in the place, but it was midafternoon.
She saw him sitting in the back corner booth and a wave of nostalgia washed over her. She went to him and slid into the booth. He ordered them each a glass of wine.
“Tell me everything, Addie.”
So she did. She told him how deeply hurt she’d been by the picture of love and tenderness displayed by him and his wife, their angelic little girl between them. She had confronted him that day, accused him of lying to her, told him to go to hell and never bother her again. And she remembered she was crying the whole time.
And even then, in her rage, she protected him by going to his campus office where no one would witness the confrontation.