"I will. Drive safely."
I nodded and walked out, closing his door behind me.
I grabbed my duffle bag out of my office and made my way to my truck. Fifteen minutes later, I was driving out of town.
I wondered where Grace was spending Christmas. She hadn't contacted me since the night I left her house. I wasn't going to harass her. I'd made it perfectly clear what I wanted. The ball was in her court. Still, that shit f**king stung. I had a shitload of stuff going on and I still couldn't stop thinking about her. I needed to get out of town.
I pressed down harder on the accelerator, putting Vegas behind me as quickly as I could.
CHAPTER 28
Grace
"I swear I forgot something," I said to Alex for the fifth time.
"Sweetie, you've gone through the list. You didn't forget anything. And if you did, you can replace it when we get there. Relax." He patted my knee.
I nodded distractedly as the plane doors opened and the line of people started to move forward. "Yeah…" I trailed off as we both stood up.
Alex grabbed our small suitcases from the overhead bin and I moved out in front of him, taking the handle of mine and pulling it up so that I could wheel it behind me.
I had woken up feeling jittery and just off. Maybe I was coming down with something. I wasn't sure. I was going home for the first time in a while. I should be feeling relaxed and excited. Instead, I couldn't shake a nagging feeling that I had left something behind, that something was wrong.
It didn't help that I had tossed and turned all night, sleep evasive, unable to shut my brain off. I was over-tired, that had to be it.
Plus, I was probably just a little nervous about this trip. Alex had only met my family once when they came to Vegas when I first moved there. We had just started dating at that point and we all went out to dinner. So this was a chance for Alex to really get to know them better. Which was good… right? I bit my lip.
We made our way through the terminal. We had an hour layover before our next flight to Dayton, and so we decided to get a bite to eat at one of the restaurants near our boarding gate.
We started down an escalator and I glanced over at the people traveling upwards, an old lady catching my eye. She smiled at me and winked. I startled, something so familiar about her… I looked back at her, craning my neck as she moved upwards and away from me, but she didn't look back.
As we traveled through the large airport, we passed a little girl sketching in a notebook. Just as we walked by her, she smiled and held it up to her mother who was standing in front of her. I turned my head to see what it was and time slowed as I saw the delicate, little, yellow flower she had drawn. I snapped my head forward, time resuming, and kept walking, something warm gliding down my spine.
When we got to the terminal where our gate would be boarding, we sat down at a table at a small bagel restaurant that served soup and sandwiches, and Alex went up to the counter to order lunch.
As I sat there waiting for him, I looked around. A man sitting at a table near the entrance, with his back to me, caught my eye. Short, wheat-colored hair and broad, muscular shoulders. My heart rate picked up and I sucked in a breath. Carson? It couldn't be. How? I started to stand, just as he did too, and air lodged in my chest. As he turned toward me, deep disappointment hit me in the gut and I almost let out a sob. It wasn't him. I sank back down in my chair, my hand gripping the table edge. I stared straight ahead for several minutes, the truth of what I was feeling washing through my soul. Oh God… it hit me, sitting right in the middle of a bagel restaurant in the Atlanta airport. It was Carson I was missing. It was Carson I was wanting. Carson. The one who made me feel out of control in so many ways–the one who was anything but safe.
Realization dawned like the first light of sunrise bursting over the horizon. He had come for me in D.C. He had come back for me after he changed his life. I almost cried out as the reality of that took over. I hadn't allowed myself to really think about it, but how would things have been different? I knew suddenly, that things would have been different because I would have jumped into his arms without a moment of hesitation. For whatever reason, that hadn't been our time. But it was our time now. My soul vibrated with the knowledge.
In that very instant, I knew it as sure as I knew my own name; I had chosen Alex because he was almost the exact opposite of Carson. And I had been afraid that if I didn't choose someone who was blatantly different in every way, that I would always compare the man I ended up with, to the man I really wanted.
I wanted Carson. I knew it with a surety that gripped my heart like a vice.
I had always wanted Carson.
Alex sat down with our tray of food and started doling it out.
"I can't marry you, Alex," I whispered.
His head snapped up and a confused smile washed over his handsome features.
"What?" he asked.
I closed my eyes for a couple beats. "I'm so sorry, Alex. I can't marry you," I repeated, looking into his eyes beseechingly. "I'm so sorry."
His hands had stalled at my words, but now he started splitting the food between us again.
"Grace, you're nervous about having me spend real time with your family. It's normal. It's a big step. Almost as big as getting engaged."
I shook my head. "No, Alex, please," I reached across the table and took his hands in mine, "listen to me."
He looked down at our hands and looked back up into my eyes and nodded his head. "Okay, Grace, I'm listening," he said quietly.