“Is he staying at your place tonight?”
“I would guess yes, unless he decides to sleep in his car, which I know he won’t,” I say, not looking forward to that for the second night in a row.
“Austin will be there with you.”
“I know.” I close my eyes in relief and lean my head back against the headboard.
“Do you want to talk about what’s going on between you and Austin?” she asks gently, and I roll my head to the side to look at her.
“I think we’re still trying to figure it out.” I sit up, feeling a weight in my stomach, and I wring my hands together on my lap. “Do you think it’s weird that I’m falling in love with him?” I ask quietly.
“No,” she states immediately and firmly. “In high school, everyone knew you guys were the real deal, and even though you have been apart for the last fifteen years, nothing has changed. Yes, you guys have a lot to talk about and some major shit to work through, but anyone who’s in the same room with you two for more than a few minutes can see and feel the love that you have for each other.”
“I’m afraid.”
“I can understand that, but if you push through your fear, I think you can have something really beautiful.” I let her words sink in while she reaches over, picking up the remote control, then turns on the TV. “Do you want to watch the Notebook?”
“I’ve never seen it.” I shrug, and her eyes grow huge.
“Well, grab a box of tissues, ’cause you’re gonna need it.”
“I’ll be okay,” I tell her, kicking off my shoes and tucking my feet under me on the bed getting comfortable.
“What the hell is going on?” Ben asks, stepping into the bedroom, where Rhonda and I are lying with are eyes red and puffy from crying.
“Your wife made me watch the Notebook,” I choke out on another sob, covering my face.
“Fuck, seriously, babe?”
“It’s a great movie,” Rhonda answers on a cry.
“It…it’s so sad and so beautiful,” I cry harder, dabbing my eyes with one of the many tissues scattered around me.
“Jesus,” Ben says, shaking his head, looking between the two of us like he doesn’t know what to do.
“I’m hungry,” Rhonda blurts, and Ben chuckles, placing his arms on the bed on either side of her.
“What do you want to eat babe?”
“Corndogs with mustard and jalapenos from The Wheelhouse.” She says immediately.
“You got it.” He kisses her nose then turns to look at me. “You want anything?”
“No, but do you mind dropping me at home on your way through town?” I ask picking up my mess.
“Wolf should be done soon,” he replies standing.
“I know, but I don’t want him to rush, and I have some stuff at the house I need to get done.”
“You gonna be okay baby?” He asks Rhonda who nods and he bends double kisses her once more as I get off the bed and slip on my shoes. Walking around the bed I wrap my arms around her, muttering, “See you later,” before pulling away and following Ben out of the room to his truck.
When we reach my house Ken’s car is nowhere in sight, and I breathe a sigh of relief that I don’t have to deal with him right now.
“Thanks for the ride, and let me know if you need anything,” I tell Ben as I unhook my seatbelt.
“Thanks for hanging out,” he smiles, and I nod then hop out of his truck, waving him off as I step into the house and lock the door behind me.
Setting my bag and keys on the table near the door, my step falters and my heart begins to beat hard. I haven’t had a lot of time to think about my mom not being here since she’s passed away. There has always been someone around to distract me from the silence, but walking into the quiet house and coming face-to-face with nothing, I realize she will never greet me again. We will never have another conversation. She is gone and I am alone. My breath chokes out as I slide down the door to my ass and bring my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, and cry. I don’t know how long I sit there crying, but I hear a car pull up outside, a door slam, and feet on the wood of the porch before a knock on the door. I wipe my face with the inside of my shirt and stand on shaky legs, opening the door.
“Baby, what the fuck happened?” Austin asks, and before I know it, I’m up in his arms and wrapping myself around him, wanting to crawl inside his skin to hide from the pain.
“It’s so quiet,” I whimper into his neck. “She’s gone.”
“It’s okay, baby. Let it go; I’ve got you,” he says, and I cry harder into his neck as everything I have been holding in boils to the surface.
“I’m so alone,” I tell him as his body doubles and he sits on the couch with me in his lap.
“You’re not alone,” he grunts, settling his hand on the back my head, sheltering me.
“Please don’t leave me.” I beg.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he says, making me cry even harder. I don’t deserve him, not after leaving him. But I can’t help myself from desperately begging him not to leave me. “You have me always, Little Lamb.” His arms wrap tighter around me, anchoring me to him as I cry until I can’t cry anymore.
By the time my tears have dried up, my body is exhausted and my eyes feel like they have sand in them. Austin carries me to bed and crawls in behind me, hugging me until I fall asleep.