“It’s my fault.” Nat whispered when her dad walked away.
“No.” I jerked away from her and glared. “Don’t even think about blaming yourself for this! We all go through crap, Nat. That’s life. It’s how you react to it that defines the person you grow into.”
“Wise words from a nineteen year old. I wonder if you listen to your own advice?”
Ah, well played. I was completely caught.
“My situation is different, believe me. What I did, it was unforgiveable. I’m lucky my brother still talks to me.”
“It’s not different,” she argued.
“The hell it isn’t!” I yelled, finally losing complete control of my emotions.
“Fine,” Nat snapped. “How is it different? How is what you did any different?”
“I caused this!” I bolted from my seat and began pacing in front of her. “Do you even know the type of guy Demetri was before all this? Innocent little virgin who wouldn’t even touch alcohol if someone paid him to! I protected him from everything and—”
I stopped talking, I couldn’t… I just couldn’t.
“You sheltered him so much that he never learned how to deal with stuff on his own,” Nat spoke softly though her voice held an air of authority I hadn’t heard from her before. “Alec—” She got up and walked towards me. “You were the older brother. Yes, it was your job to protect him. But…” She shrugged. “Sometimes you gotta let people take the hit. How do you think a quarterback learns how to deal with the fear of getting hit?”
I snorted and looked away. Damn smart metaphor. “He gets the crap beat out of him at practice.”
“Exactly.” She reached up and lightly brushed my forehead. “Alec, you tried to protect Demetri from everything, and the minute things took a turn for the worse, how did he cope with it?”
“He didn’t.” Hell, did he even KNOW the meaning of the word. Oh right. Coping to him was another word for weed.
“So, then you tried harder, you changed your whole life, you coddled him even more, removed him from your old lifestyle, put him in counseling, tried to fix him, and then something else happened, and what was his reaction?”
I sighed in defeat. “The same as before, only this time he nearly killed himself.”
“Alright then.” Nat wrapped her hands around my neck, pulling my head closer to hers. “I know I’m not perfect and we both know you aren’t.”
I laughed out loud. Scaring the shit out of myself. How could I go from being ready to fall to pieces to laughing? Oh, right because I had Nat and she was a freaking angel. Never. Letting. Her. Go. Ever. Never. Ever.
“But, Demetri needs to grow up. He needs to learn, and hopefully this will be the start of that.”
Alec sighed. “You’re right.”
“I’m what?” She sounded genuinely shocked.
Glaring, I pushed her away and laughed again. “Don’t push it, Nat.”
“Alec?” A small nurse approached. “You can see your brother now. He’s in ICU, but he’s stable. I’m sure the doctor has informed you that he’s in a medically induced coma, but you can still talk to him.”
I clenched Nat’s hand.
“Sorry.” The nurse looked between us. “Family only.”
“She is family.” My teeth ground together.
The nurse didn’t look convinced. I cleared my throat. “She’s my fiancé.” And again with probably freaking Nat out.
Nat leaned into me, totally selling it.
The nurse nodded though her eyes narrowed in on Nat’s hand. I hid it under mine. “Okay, this way.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Demetri
I WAS DYING. No seriously. Dying. I knew I was dying because I could have sworn I saw a swirly light. Hey at least it wasn’t a swirly devil, things could be way worse right?
Right?
My chest hurt.
My back hurt.
My lungs hurt. Why the hell did everything hurt so bad? Wasn’t death supposed to feel good? Wasn’t it supposed to fix everything?
I couldn’t move my hands or legs. I felt, paralyzed, like someone had drugged my body but left my mind on full alert. Something pinched me on the arm. Shit! I tried to open my mouth but when I told my mouth to open, nothing happened.
I couldn’t even scream.
And for the first time — since I was a little kid, I wanted very badly to scream. I also wanted to cry but I didn’t know why I wanted to cry. I just knew that I was sad and that if Alec were here I would tell him I was sorry.
If Nat were here. I would tell her I still loved her. But I wouldn’t interfere anymore.
But I existed nowhere. Was I alive? Dead? Floating?
Something else flashed in front of my eyes like a light.
And then I heard voices.
“Clear!”
Clear? Isn’t that what they did to people when they were on the operating table?
“He’s flat lining.”
“Clear!”
More pain.
Flat lining? I willed my body to live. I used every ounce of strength I had and told my heart to keep beating. Not because I deserved life but because Alec didn’t deserve my death. It would ruin him, it would destroy him, it would kill Nat.
NO!
More pain in my chest.
Beat damn it!
Then total darkness.
I knew I was alive because I floated in and out of consciousness. I saw colors fade in front of me and then my eyes got really heavy. They were moving me somewhere. Something was stuck down my throat.