“More time for what, Lando? More time to decide if I was worth the effort or not?” It burned and the image of the pretty boy hanging on his wall and apparently on to his heart taunted me from a really dark place I didn’t even know I had.
“It’s not about you, Dominic. It’s about what you do and if I’m enough a man to watch you walk out the door every day knowing you might not come back. It’s always been there, but now it’s right in my face, and I still don’t have an answer.”
I leaned back and rubbed both of my hands over my short hair in agitation. “I could walk out the front door tomorrow and get nailed by a drunk driver while walking on the sidewalk. I could trip and fall down the stairs when it’s icy and break my neck. And yes, I could go to work one day and up on the wrong end of a bullet, but that happens to a lot of very innocent people that have nothing to do with being in law enforcement. Caring about someone else, being with them is a risk regardless of what they do to pay the bills. I get that you don’t want to be hurt again, but that isn’t a promise anyone can make and keep.” I pinned him with a hard stare. “I care about you a lot, Orlando. More than I was planning on caring while I struggled to get my life back, but I’m willing to take a risk on you. So you have to be willing to do the same if we have any shot at making this work.” I was beyond frustrated because I thought we had gotten past this point in our relationship but apparently not. We really were just stuck in the middle, not gaining any new ground or moving forward.
He matched my stare for a minute before getting up and coming around the table so that he was standing by my side. He reached out a hand and gently brushed the backs of his fingers over my cheek.
“I took a risk when I signed you on as a client because I was attracted to you the minute you walked in my door. I took a risk when we started working together because I knew you were going to push too hard and had to learn that your body has limitations and isn’t indestructible. I took a risk when I let things get personal because I haven’t cared about anyone the way I care about you in a long time and I thought that part of my life and my heart would never function right again.” His thumb caressed my bottom lip and he moved his hand so that he was cupping my clenched jaw in his palm. It was a tender gesture, but there was still a bitter hardness in his eyes that seemed to override it. “You have no idea how hard it has been for me to take those risks, Dom, to keep fear from winning.”
I lifted a hand and curled it around his where it was resting on my face. I turned my head so that I could press a kiss to the center of his palm and then curled his fingers around it so that he was holding on to it. Maybe this was the moment we needed to have. Maybe this was the occasion that we needed to remember. Maybe this was the make it or break it point in us being together. The fork in the road was looming and no, it seemed there was no other choice but to pick which way to go … together or separately.
“I told you, easy is for chumps, hard is for champions. You got me here; you fixed me. Do you really think I’m going to go out there and try and undo all the work you put in? Do you think I’m going to be careless and foolhardy knowing the effect that would have on you? If anything, being with you, seeing how much you worry about not just my safety but the safety and well-being of everyone, makes me more determined to get back to work and do my job better and more aware. I don’t want anyone to hurt either, Lando.”
I stood up and the chair toppled over. Dinner was forgotten as we faced off indecision and longing at war in the air between us. Fear and love were two powerhouse combatants and it was questionable which one was going to win.
Love took the first swing as we silently moved towards one another, lips colliding and hands grasping. Fear snuck in a sucker punch though, because even though he was there with me, his mouth on mine, his tongue tangling, twisting and turning with desperation in my mouth, I could feel he was also removed. He was back in that safe place where tender hearts and fragile feelings were locked up so tight nothing, not even love, could fight its way through.
Love fired back though. It was there when he ripped open my shirt, sending buttons flying every which way across the small dining area. It was there when the kiss gentled, softened, and turned from something that was hungry and anxious into something that was satisfied and content. His long and tapered fingers landed over my heart and tapped out a beat, played a song that only he could hear and that changed its tune to something deeper and darker as he stepped closer to me.
Our pelvises touched through our clothes. Hard on hard. Anticipation rolling across more anticipation. Our breath mingled and love and fear combined into something that was equally bitter and sweet. I put my hands on his hips and tugged him even closer, so there was no room to run. I rubbed the straining front of my pants against the bulge decorating his and got a sucked-in breath and shaky hands smoothing over my chest as a reward.
We kissed again. This time smoother. This time softer. This time with love instead of fear on the tips of our tongues. His teeth sank into the bottom curve of my lip with a playful bite. It fired everything up to detonation levels inside of me. I pulled his shirt off with little finesse with the sole goal of getting my hands on those long, lean muscles that were everywhere I looked when he was naked. Every single freckle on his body knew the stroke of my tongue and the touch of my fingertips now. But it was still fun to connect them, to draw a line with my finger down, down and down ever further below his bellybutton and into the top of his pants. Those sexy little dots went all the way down to the base of his dick and a few rebellious ones even marked the taut skin of his shaft. Not gonna lie, those ones were my favorite and well on the way to making an appearance as I pulled open his pants to get them out of the way.