I felt my eyebrows shoot up until they almost touched my hairline. I let out a deep breath and took a step closer so that we were almost touching. I put my other hand on his hip so that there was no doubt I was holding on to him, embracing him.
“All the people I work with know I’m gay, Lando. Every single one of them. I didn’t hire out a sky writer and have the words ‘I prefer dick over pussy’ written across the sky, but I think the fact that my partner is the most beautiful girl in the entire world and there is zero sexual chemistry between the two of us is a pretty big hint. I’m not big on talking about my personal life at work because cops gossip like a bunch of girls, but everyone knows. Some are cool with it, some aren’t, but I don’t give two shits either way. I’m not embarrassed or concerned about who I am or who I choose to spend time with, and I would never ask you to be careful or be anything other than who you are when we’re together. You’re a good-looking guy, it’s not a stretch for a couple of trained cops to figure out we were on a date and as for introducing you as my trainer …” I shrugged. “I want to get back to work and you have been key to making that happen. That’s where my mind was at when I was talking to Devin. Nothing more or less.” I shook my head and leaned forward so that I could rest my cheek against his. His skin was always so soft. Even when he was rocking a five-o’clock shadow the color of mahogany, it was still baby soft and silky against my skin.
“The only impression I care that anyone gets is that we are enjoying each other’s company. We like one another. We are choosing to be together for as long as it lasts and that’s it. If anyone else has anything else to say or think about the situation they can fuck off.”
His hand rose up and wrapped around my wrist and before he blinked those wintery-looking eyes I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of emotion bright enough and hot enough to manifest into tears in that gaze. “I’ve never been with anyone like you, Dom.” His words were a whisper that floated right into the center of my chest. A punch: I could see coming that and duck and maneuver to evade. But those light words carried by murmurs were sneaky and got inside of me too fast to dodge.
I leaned forward so I could kiss him, so I could show him that I didn’t care who or what or why just as long as it was me and him. He kissed me back, but it was softly, reverently. It was a kiss that said thank you for something I didn’t even know that I did. I slid my hand over the sharp curve of his waist until I could reach his ass under the hem of his heavy coat. I gave the firm globe a playful squeeze and pulled back.
“I’ve never been with anyone like you either, Lando. You have a good heart, a soft center, but the parts that are hard – that you protect like I might try to steal them away from you – they have some really sharp and ugly pieces to them. I don’t know who made them that way but whoever it was wasn’t worth it.”
He put his hands on either side of my face and gave me a look that wrenched at my guts. I’d seen heartbreak before. I knew what it looked like because my mom had worn it ever since the day my dad died and Royal had been colored with the same brush for the few months it took her and Asa to get on the same page about their relationship. That’s what was on Lando’s face as he gazed into my eyes. Pure, unfiltered heartbreak.
“He was worth everything, but he didn’t think our relationship was and there is no going back to try and fix all the things that went wrong.” He sighed and bent forward so that his lips skimmed the outer shell of my ear. “I hurt for a long time, too, Dom. I was a man who was nothing more than my injuries. I did my best to heal, but I didn’t have anything that looked like a new normal until you showed up at my clinic. I want you to know that, however we end.”
It was my turn to curl my hand around the back of his head and brush my fingers through his longer hair.
“How can things begin if you’re already planning the ending? Doesn’t seem fair.”
His breath was warm and tingled the skin at the side of my neck. “You’re right. It doesn’t, so, since the beginning is where things usually seem perfect and the ending is always tragic, why don’t we just skip to the middle? There’re good things in the middle.”
It was his turn to run his hand over my chest until it came to rest over my heart.
Indeed … there were very good things in the middle and it was that center, that protected core that I think we were both trying to avoid and claim all at the same time.
Chapter 10
Lando
I woke up with a heavy arm wrapped around my chest and a thickly muscled thigh nestled between my own. All in all it wasn’t a bad start to any morning, but the fact that I couldn’t think of any other place that I wanted to be, that it was, in fact, the best way I had ever woken up, made alarm bells jangle in my head and had panic and unease slithering slippery and cold under my skin.
I saw it as clear as a bell last night when Dom talked to his cop buddies. Saw the longing, the anger that they were doing what he couldn’t do and I understood how much being a police officer really was tied to his identity. I knew he was going to get his job back. With him following his training regimen and finally letting his body heal in the correct way he was already 70 percent better than when he had first walked in my clinic door. His limp was almost gone and hardly noticeable anymore and though his shoulder was still tricky and too tight for him to use as his dominant hand, he was getting so good with his left side that it didn’t seem to matter. He was going to be back on the force, back in the direct line of fire before I knew it, and I was going to be back in the position of caring for a man who cared for something more than a relationship with me. It was disheartening and as cozy as I was, all wrapped up in Dom’s strong arms, I needed some space to get my head on straight.