I go into Alfonso’s room first. He’s sitting up in bed and waiting. I stand by the door and hold out the bowl. “Do you want to eat this in your sister’s room? I can explain to you both what’s going on.”
He nods and takes the bowl from me. We go into Annabella’s room and he sits on the corner of her bed while I pull over the desk chair.
“Derio is not sick,” Annabella says first. “He’s . . . ubriaco.”
“Too much vino,” Alfonso fills in, shoving a spoonful of sorbet in his mouth. At least they seem to be taking this in stride.
“And you’ve seen him like this before?” I ask.
They nod. “Yes, sometimes,” Annabella says.
“Where is Felisa?” Alfonso asks.
“Yes, did she leave?” asks Annabella.
I nod slowly, not sure what to tell them, but they’d figure out the truth sooner or later.
“I am sure she will be back later,” I say, adding a white lie. “But for now, she is gone.”
Annabella’s lower lip trembles and she stares sadly down at her bowl. “Who will love us now?”
Oh, my poor fucking heart.
“Your brother loves you very much,” I tell her adamantly. “So much that sometimes it is hard for him. And Felisa loves you, too. She took your picture with her so she could look at it while she is gone.”
“But he can’t take care of us,” Alfonso says. “He needs someone to take care of him.”
Now, this is a pair of extremely astute children. “He might be stronger than he looks,” I tell them. “Besides, he is trying his best. And I will try my best, too. I will look after you until we find someone else.”
Annabella gives me a shy look. “We like you. We are sorry we have been so bad.”
“Yes, we are sorry,” Alfonso chimes in. “Please, we do like you. We want you to stay. We don’t want you to leave, too.”
I’m melting into a puddle, along with their sorbet. I look them both in the eyes and say, “I’m not going anywhere. Now finish up your sorbet and get to bed.”
They slurp down the rest of it and I take the bowls from them. I say goodnight to Annabella, take Alfonso to his room, and say goodnight to him. I go down to the kitchen, put the bowls in the sink, and turn on one of the lanterns before I turn off all the lights in the house.
Once back upstairs, I go into Derio’s room. He seems to be sleeping now so I turn on the light beside his bed, a really ornate, fancy thing of marble and gold, and then go to the washroom to fill up a cup of water for him. An Italian version of Advil would be good for pain in the morning, so even though I know it’s kind of intrusive, I open the drawers on the beautiful vanity and do a quick search. I find some kind of painkillers, as well as prescription meds.
Don’t be nosy, I tell myself. But I am nosy. Might as well embrace it.
I lift up the bottle and peer at it. It’s a nearly full bottle of blue pills—Zoloft prescribed to Desiderio Larosa. The date it was issued was eighteen months ago. He hasn’t been taking them at all.
I sigh and put it back, feeling all sorts of frustrated. I bring out the water and the painkillers and put it on his bedside table.
“Derio,” I say softly. He is breathing deeply and doesn’t stir. He looks so beautiful and vulnerable when he’s sleeping, I can see why people creep on people at night. His lips are pressed together into a near pout, his forehead smooth of the usual lines and furrows. A strand of hair falls across his temple and I resist the urge to brush it out of the way. Knowing my luck he’d spring to life screaming, “Non mi toccarei!”
But still, I stand there, studying him, taking him all in without fear of being caught. I wonder what it would be like to kiss him. If he would care, if he would react. I wonder if he would ever let himself go or if he’s shut down forever. I told the kids that he was stronger than they thought. I don’t want to be wrong about that.
Eventually I leave his side, only to return later with a blanket and pillow and wearing the T-shirt and shorts that I sleep in. I move over to the couch in the sitting area of his bedroom and settle down for the night. I don’t think he’s going to die in his sleep but something is compelling me to stay by his side.
CHAPTER NINE
“Amber, where is Derio?” Annabella asks me as I give her and Alfonso their juice. They’re sitting around the breakfast nook table and I’m trying to figure out what to give them to eat. They have to be off for school in ten minutes and they’re half dressed and hungry.
“He’s sleeping,” I tell her, trying to slice a loaf of hard bread without cutting off my fingers.
“It’s late,” she notes in a discerning tone.
“Yes, it is. He’ll be up when you get back from school.”
“Are you going to take us?” Alfonso asks.
“Yes, I will, if you hurry up and eat and get ready,” I say as I throw down two slices of jaggedly cut bread in front of them. They stare down at the bread and then back up at me with confused faces.
“Eat it,” I tell them. Then I roll my eyes and quickly grab a jar of Nutella from the cupboard and put it beside them. “There.”
The twins exchange a look. Alfonso mutters under his breath, “Mi manca Felisa.”
“Yeah, well, I miss her, too,” I say.
Soon I’m hustling the twins out the door and taking them to their school. It’s only when they disappear into the building that I nearly collapse. I lean back against the stone wall and decide to grab a coffee at one of the outdoor tables that line the Piazzetta.