“If I wanted to file stuff, I’d have worked in an office,” Dad would drawl. “I’m a farmer, not an accountant.”
I looked up when the back door opened and Cole came sauntering in, opening the refrigerator and pulling out the orange juice and taking a long drink straight from the carton.
He flopped down at the table, yawning and running his hand through his hair and peering at the form I was filling out. “Dad’s gonna have to get by without us, you know. You should let him start getting used to it.”
“I don’t mind.”
After a minute I looked up and he was watching me curiously. “What?”
“Nothing. Aren’t you going to ask where I was tonight?”
“I know where you were. I saw you walking with Lia.”
He raised his eyebrows and smiled as he leaned back in the chair, balancing it on two legs. For a minute I wanted to give him a small push and watch him topple over backward onto the floor.
I had mixed emotions about going away to college—and especially so far away. Part of me wanted to stay right here on the farm I loved, but part of me longed to get away from the tense mood in our house. And, I could admit, from that achy pain of loving Annalia.
When we’d been applying to colleges, I’d thought that if I had to go away, having my brother there would make it easier. But now . . . now I was second-guessing that idea. Now I was thinking it might have been better to avoid him for the next four years.
“She’s going to wait for me.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Wait for you . . .”
“While I’m away.”
“What does that even mean?”
He shrugged. “It means I want her. She’s too young for anything more than kissing now. But she won’t be when we get back. And I don’t want her to give herself to some asshole who’s going to end up using her.” His brow furrowed. “Lia, she’s so . . . shy and withdrawn sometimes. I’d hate for her to get involved with the wrong guy, some asshole who wouldn’t have her best interests at heart.”
My stomach churned with pent-up jealousy and want, and it annoyed and angered me. I didn’t want her to give herself to anyone either. I didn’t want to know that she’d given herself to Cole, even if he’d only kissed her. Tasted her. I knew he had but hearing the words aloud made it even worse somehow. The knowledge that she wanted him, had responded to him physically, already sat inside me like a heavy weight of misery. “She’s fifteen . She shouldn’t be waiting for anyone.”
He brought his chair forward, the front legs making a soft clack when they hit the floor. He shrugged. “I asked her and she said yes.”
I stared at him for a moment before pushing the paperwork away and standing up. “I’m going to bed.”
“We’ve all been friends for a long time, Pres. Aren’t you going to go say goodbye to her?”
I had turned and started walking to the stairs but halted at his question. I thought of that night in the Laundromat when I’d danced with Annalia. I thought about how I’d held her close and yearned to kiss her with every beat of my heart. And for a moment I’d thought I’d felt her body react to mine and wondered if the vulnerability in her eyes wasn’t just the sweet defenselessness I’d always seen shining from those green depths, but maybe it was more. Maybe it was directed at me and maybe she might want to kiss me, too.
But I’d agreed to step back for Cole if I lost that damn race and he’d already moved in—slowly, and pretty late in the game as far as us leaving, but moved in nonetheless. Brother honor. A man is only as good as his word.
For a second I’d almost said to hell with it. To hell with brother honor. To hell with my word being any good. To hell with anything that didn’t involve my lips on Lia’s and the proclamation that she was mine, that she’d always been mine, regardless of contests or a spit-wet handshake, or even my palm on a Bible and the eyes of a thousand people bearing witness to a sworn oath.
What happened when your words agreed to something but your heart couldn’t be swayed? But then I’d remembered I was going away. She was so damn young and so was I for that matter. What was the point anyway? She’d responded to Cole just as I’d figured she would. If I was the one who could call her mine, would she have waited for me? The thought brought a sharp ache. Within my love for Lia had always existed an edge of pain and maybe it was best to get out from under the grip of something that brought as much hurt as it did joy. Time would do that. Distance would do that.
Aren’t you going to say goodbye to her?
I closed my eyes on the memory of how her soft, slender body had felt pressed against me and how sweet she’d smelled. And that was the memory I wanted to take with me. Without turning, I answered, “I already did.”
CHAPTER SIX
Four Years Later
Annalia
“Hey, Annalia, are you coming with us?” I turned around to see Lacie heading for the door with her jacket slung over her arm. “We’re going to Brady’s. One drink?”
I paused, ready to say no, but then reconsidered. They’d asked me so many times and I always said no. Pretty soon they wouldn’t even ask me anymore. I could stop for one drink on my way home. Why not? “Sure.” I smiled. “I’m just finishing up here. I’ll be done in five.”
Lacie’s smile held a fair bit of surprise. “Awesome. We’ll see you there.” She waved as she pushed open the double glass door.