I laughed softly, squeezing his hand back. I was happy for Cole, truly and deeply. This time the joke we’d always laughed about wasn’t a joke at all, but reality.
We turned out of town and started walking slowly down the dirt road that led to his house and the turnoff for the road to mine.
The luminous moon cast a glow on the miles of farmland stretched to either side of us, the hills in the distance a dark outline against the indigo sky. “Are you going to miss it here at all?”
He shrugged. “I’m going to miss you.”
I smiled. “I’m going to miss you, too. This town is going to seem so much smaller when you’re gone.”
“Without my larger-than-life personality?”
I laughed softly. “Yeah, actually.”
We walked in companionable silence for several minutes and before I knew it, we’d reached the dirt road that separated us in more ways than one.
“Here we are,” I said softly, feeling a sudden overwhelming sadness. This was goodbye. I had no idea if this was goodbye forever, if he would go off to college and forget all about me, or if I really meant more to him. I wasn’t naïve about the parties and girls college would offer him. And Preston.
Cole turned to me and took me in his arms, lowering his mouth to mine. He pulled me close and kissed me deeply, his tongue twisting with mine. I tried to lose myself in the kiss but only felt half-involved. It was the last physical contact I’d get for a long time, possibly forever, though I refused to consider that dismal possibility too closely.
When we parted, he smiled and looked at me for several moments, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I couldn’t make out his exact expression in the dimness of the night but it looked thoughtful, and for a moment, I wondered if he was going to make note of there not being a spark between us. “I know we barely got started, Lia, but wait for me.”
I tilted my head, our bodies still pressed together. “Wait for you . . .” I repeated, surprised. My thoughts had been going in such an opposite direction.
“Don’t give yourself to someone else.”
I let out a rush of breath and pulled away. Did he really have no idea how few friends I had? “That’s not likely, Cole.” I was only fifteen, but even so, the only boys who had ever even given me the time of day were Preston and Cole. And that might be mostly because we’d been friends since we were little kids.
I shook my head. “But . . .” I paused as I gathered my thoughts, “you have so much living to do. This is your dream. Enjoy every second of it to the fullest. For both of us, okay?”
He smiled, leaning in and kissing my forehead. “Okay.”
We lingered in our goodbye but finally it was time to go. I turned and walked away from Cole, looking over my shoulder once to wave back to him. But he’d already turned in his own direction.
CHAPTER FIVE
Preston – Eighteen Years Old
I’d watched from a distance as she’d tilted her head back and laughed, her hair flowing in thick curls down her back. I’d watched as my brother took her hand and begun walking her home, my guts twisting with jealousy.
I leaned back on the seat, taking in deep breaths of air. I’d come to say goodbye and hadn’t realized Cole had the same idea.
I’d avoided her since that night in the Laundromat. It hadn’t been difficult. We were so busy on the farm, and Cole and I felt like we needed to help Dad as much as possible before we were both gone, leaving him short, leaving him to handle the things we’d always done. He’d hired a couple of guys to do the work we’d been doing but still, he was going on sixty-two—it was time for him to be slowing down, not working harder than ever.
I hovered between wanting to spend every day helping out at home, and all day far, far away. My parents were fighting more than they’d ever fought before, and I was sick of the endless yelling, the endless sound of my mom’s sobs echoing through the house, and the way I’d look out of my window at night where I could just barely see the glow of a cigarette coming from the barn where my dad would smoke and pace, not knowing how to handle her constant high emotions.
And then she’d come downstairs and glare at me before bursting into more tears, gripping my shirt and crying as I held her. “Say something,” she’d sob. But what was I supposed to say?
So she’d pull back and turn away muttering how I was just like him.
Once I’d gone out to the barn where my dad was after one of their fights and he’d looked at me and sighed before muttering, “Don’t ever marry a woman just because she makes you feel weak in the knees, son. It isn’t enough.” And it’d made me feel sad and confused and frustrated with both of them.
Lia made me feel weak in the knees. And maybe I knew what my dad meant because there was an achy pain associated with that knowledge.
I watched Lia continue to laugh as Cole said something else and then they turned out of sight. And as much as I wished it was me with her tonight, I couldn’t deny that I loved watching her smile—even if it was because of Cole.
I pictured her tiny rundown house, the squalor I’d glimpsed over her mother’s shoulder, and my throat clogged with heartache. Lia deserved every second of happiness she could get.
I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home.
Later that night when Cole came in, I was sitting in the kitchen going over some paperwork regarding the farm that I wanted to get in order before we left. Dad had never been one for keeping things organized and I could only imagine how the farm’s files would be neglected when we left.