“Sorry,” I murmur hastily. “Should have warned you. Maud always gets drunk on her birthday and makes a speech. It’s her thing. Don’t worry.”
“I exist!” By now Maud’s voice is fortissimo. “I EXIST!”
“Could you stop shouting, please?” comes a voice from the next picnic rug, and I swivel to see a woman in a stripy top regarding Maud with disapproval.
“My friend’s allowed to shout if she wants to,” objects Nell at once. “It’s her birthday.”
“You’re frightening our children,” persists the woman, gesturing at a pair of toddlers who look about two years old and are watching Maud avidly. “And is alcohol allowed in the park?”
“Frightening your children?” counters Nell in outrage. “How is it frightening to hear a strong, wonderful woman saying she exists? I’ll tell you what’s frightening—our unequal society. That’s frightening. Our politicians. They’re frightening. If your children want to be afraid of something, be afraid of them.”
She glares at the two-year-old girl, who gazes at Nell’s furious face for a moment, then bursts into tears.
Meanwhile, Maud has staggered over to the other rug and leaned down so her face is close to the woman’s.
“It’s my birthday,” she says in slow, precise tones. “And that’s fucking…terrifying.”
“You’re drunk!” exclaims the woman, recoiling and putting her hands over the nearest toddler’s ears.
“Oh, puh-lease,” says Maud, lurching back to our rug. “Did you never get drunk? Oh, that reminds me. Matt, I have a teeeeny little favor to ask you….”
Matt instinctively backs away and gets to his feet. “Think I’ll take Harold for a walk,” he says, avoiding Maud’s eye. “Get a bit of air.”
“Kung fu!” Bertie lands a kickbox on him and Matt winces, then grabs Harold’s lead.
“You know what else is frightening?” Nell is still on a rant. “Global denial of the facts. That’s frightening.” She turns to Matt. “And you know something, Matt—”
“I’m taking Harold for a walk,” he cuts across Nell hurriedly. “Back in a bit,” he adds to me. “Just need…a break. Come on, Harold.”
He strides away across the grass so fast that Harold has to scamper after him. When he’s about a hundred meters away he swivels to look at us, then turns again and strides even more quickly.
“Matt OK?” says Sarika, who’s watching him along with me.
“I think so,” I say thoughtfully. “I mean, we can be a bit full-on, I suppose. When we’re all together.”
“I’m a woman, OK?” Maud is once more addressing the general populace of the park, her arms sweeping around dramatically. “With a soul. And a heart. And a libido. A libido to die for.”
“What’s a leebdo?” asks Bertie with interest, and I exchange looks with Sarika.
“Ooookay,” she says. “Speeches are over. Who’s got some coffee?”
* * *
—
It takes a bit of persuading to get Maud to drink two espressos followed by a flask of water. But we manage it with a mixture of cajoling and threats—we’ve done this before—and soon Maud is looking much more perky. She opens her presents and weeps effusively at each one of them and hugs us all. We collect up the paper for recycling, then Sarika produces the birthday cake, which is from this lovely, very expensive patisserie near her house.
“We should wait for Matt, though,” Sarika says, looking around. “D’you think he’s gone far?”
“He’s been a while,” I say, suddenly realizing how much time has elapsed. I scan the horizon and feel a clench of anxiety. Because Matt took Harold with him. And what if his delay is because something happened to Harold?
Something bad. Oh God. Please. No.
Already I’m standing up, scanning the busy park, trying to stop frightening images from piling into my head. I should have texted Matt. I should have gone with them. I should have—
“Matt!” Sarika’s voice interrupts my frenzied thoughts, and I swivel round with a gasp—then gasp again at the sight in front of me. Matt is approaching, his face and shirt splattered in mud. Harold is at his side, still on the lead but also covered in mud.
“What happened?” I hurry toward them. “Is Harold OK?”
“Harold’s fine,” says Matt, in a slightly odd voice.
“Thank God.” I sink down and cover my beloved Harold with kisses. Then, as a slight afterthought, I look up at Matt and say, “Wait. Are you OK?” I rise to my feet and take in his appearance properly. He’s got a new graze on his cheek and a twig sticking out of his collar and looks generally disheveled. “What happened?” I demand again.
“There was an incident,” says Matt shortly. “With a Great Dane.”
“Oh my God!” I say, horrified. I’m already feeling a surge of fury toward this Great Dane. I can picture it, with its monstrous slavering jaws and killer instinct. “Did it attack Harold? You need to tell me exactly what happened—”
“The Great Dane was blameless,” says Matt, cutting me off. “Harold was…Harold.”
Oh, right.
For a moment I’m halted. Maybe I don’t want to know exactly what happened, after all. I glance down at Harold, who gazes up with his usual bouncy, mischievous expression.
“Harold.” I try to sound chiding. “Did you get Matt muddy? Were you naughty?”
“Naughty is an understatement,” says Matt, and he’s drawing breath as though to say more when his phone buzzes.
“Sorry,” he says, glancing at it. “I’ll just get this. I’ll be quick.”
“Just look at that dog,” says Nell as Matt walks away. “Completely unrepentant.” She adopts a sprightly Cockney accent. “ ‘Weren’t me, guvnor. Weren’t me. It were the other feller what started it.’ ”
“Shut up!” I say, a little indignant. “That’s not Harold!”
“It’s so Harold,” says Sarika, giggling.
“ ‘Law-abiding citizen like me, guvnor?’ ” Nell continues, on a roll. “ ‘Start a fracas in a public vicinity? Me, what only wants a quiet life? I tell you, it were the other feller.’ ”
She raises her eyebrows comically high, and I have to admit, she does look a bit like Harold at his most bright-eyed and innocent. “Oh, hi, Matt,” she adds, and I look up to see him returning. As he sits down, he lands with a bit of a thud, and for a few moments he’s motionless, staring ahead.
“Sorry about your shirt,” I say guiltily, and he comes to.
“Oh. It’s fine.” He reaches for the twig in his collar and looks at it absently for a moment before dropping it on the ground. “Listen, Ava. I know we booked a table for brunch on the tenth, but that was my parents on the phone again. They’re convening a big meeting that day at the house. I’ve tried to get them to shift it, but…”
“At the weekend?” says Nell, in carefully neutral tones.
“We hold a lot of family meetings at the weekend,” says Matt. “Away from the office. It’s more private, I guess.”
“Well, don’t worry,” I say supportively. “Brunch was just an idea. You go to your parents’, that’s fine—” I break off as I see both Sarika and Nell making weird faces at me behind Matt’s back.
They’re surely not trying to say—
I can’t just ask myself along to his house. Can I? Should I?
Now Sarika is whirling her arms wildly and pointing vigorously at Matt. Any minute she’ll clonk him on the head by mistake.
“And…er…maybe I could come along!” I add in a self-conscious rush. “Meet your parents properly!”
“Do what?”
Matt peers at me, apparently astounded. He doesn’t exactly sound enthusiastic. But now I’ve suggested it I’m not backing down.
“I could come along!” I repeat, trying to sound confident. “Not for the meeting, obviously, but for coffee or whatever. Get to know your family better. You know, bond with them.”
“Bond with them!” Matt echoes with a bark of laughter, which is a bit weird, but I’m not going to unpick it now.
My attention is suddenly drawn by Nell making jabbing gestures at Harold, followed by a finger across the throat. Oh, right.
“And I won’t bring Harold,” I add hastily. “He can stay at home.”
“Really?” Matt seems newly astonished. “It’s a long drive to my parents’ place, Ava. You’ll leave him at home all day?”
“He can stay with Nell. You don’t mind having Harold, do you, Nell?”
“Of course not,” says Nell. “Good idea, Ava.”
Matt doesn’t say anything. He sips his coffee while all three of us watch him curiously, his eyes distant with thoughts. Then, as though coming to, he exhales.
“Well, if you want to,” he says at last.
He still seems a bit blindsided by my suggestion. Honestly, what’s the big deal? It’s only his parents and family home and business and whatnot. It’ll be fun! I mean, it might be fun.
I mean, it could be.
Fifteen
Positive, positive, positive!
As we drive down the M4 two weeks later, I’m determined to be upbeat. The sun’s shining, I look good, and I’ve bought the most amazing cake from Sarika’s patisserie, all covered with almonds. It’s sitting in the boot in a beautiful cardboard box, and every time I even think about it my mouth waters. Matt’s parents are sure to love it.
Charm and bond is my mantra for today. Charm and bond. It’s all good.
And as for negatives…What negatives? There aren’t any!