He grinned and those butterflies scattered, a frenzy in my belly. He smacked the counter before pointing at me. “Pick you up at seven.”
I tried to keep the tears out of my voice while I let the story bleed free. “God, I was so excited, Rex, that this boy actually liked me.”
A growl stalked his throat. I could feel it, hear it all the way to my soul. He tightened his hold on me. As if he didn’t want to hear it but needed to, the same way I needed to tell him.
“I was on cloud nine. He picked me up and took me out. He kissed me right across the street in front of my gramma’s door. It went on like that for three weeks. The two of us together. Kissing and touching and me feeling like I finally was important.” A sob threatened at the base of my throat, words hitching as I forced the last out. “That I wasn’t invisible.”
“Rynna.” It was a shaky breath that blew between Rex’s lips.
I angled up so I could look down at his face. “I was so tired of being invisible, Rex. Of feeling stupid and unattractive and unlovable. So tired of being alone. But I should have known. God, I should have seen it coming a mile away.”
I stood at my full-length mirror, twisting this way and that, looking at myself from every angle, trying to convince myself that the dress I wore looked good. That my rolls didn’t show. That Aaron liked what I looked like, and it didn’t matter if they showed, anyway.
It was my birthday.
My eighteenth birthday, and I was so finished being scared. Finished with all the doubts and insecurities that threatened to explode and send me cowering under the covers of my bed. I was going to live this life, and live it to its fullest.
That was what Gramma had always taught me to do.
It was time to start embracing it.
Hurrying out of my room and downstairs, I bounced into the kitchen.
Gramma turned away from the new recipe she was testing by the stove. “My, my, look at you, child. All grown up.”
In the center of the old kitchen, I spun around in my dress. “Thank you for buying it for me, Gramma.”
“Of course. Every girl needs a dress to celebrate their eighteenth birthday. You’re a woman now, and as gorgeous as ever, if I say so myself.”
I felt the blush climb to my cheeks. Because after tonight, I really would be a woman. In every sense of the word. “Thank you, Gramma, so much.”
She looked at me softly, and I gazed back. Love spun through me with the intensity of the sun. “I hope you know everything you mean to me, Gramma. I hope you know I appreciate every single thing you’ve done for me. Everything you sacrificed. That you raised me. That you’ve loved me the way you have. I know you always worried it wasn’t enough, but I could never ask for anything more than you.”
Moisture shined in her grayed eyes, and she smiled. Smiled a smile that encompassed the meaning of both of our worlds. She reached out a weathered hand and twisted one of the curls I’d ironed into my hair. “We’ve made quite the team, haven’t we?”
“The best team,” I said, reaching out to wrap my arms around her. “Thank you, Gramma. Thank you so much,” I murmured at her ear, inhaling the sweet scent of vanilla and sugar that somewhere along the way had become a permanent part of her.
She hugged me tight, so thin and frail yet so incredibly strong. “I love you more than you’ll ever know, Corinne Paisley. You have been the greatest light of my life. It has been the greatest honor raising you into the woman you are.”
Tears slipped free, and I sniffled.
She pulled back and wiped them away. “Stop that, now, or you’re gonna mess up that makeup you spent the last two hours perfecting.” She nudged me toward the door. “Go on, have fun.”
I stepped back and squeezed both her hands in mine. “Thank you. I love you so much.”
Sight bleary with tears, I swallowed around the knot of hurt wedged at the base of my throat. “I left the house so happy that night.”
“Fuck, Rynna. I can’t . . .” Rex itched beneath me, muscles straining, as if he had to stop himself from jumping up and going back to that day to stop it from happening. But that was the thing about the past. It was over. All except for the scars it left behind.
“He picked me up at the end of the street. I hopped in his truck. I can still remember how he squeezed my hand, told me that tonight was just him and me.” Agony wheezed from my throat. “And for a moment, I felt beautiful.”
“Fuck, Rynna.” It was grit from Rex’s mouth. Hate bound with the protectiveness he so clearly felt for me.
“He took me to the lake. I was nervous and excited. There was this . . .” My brow pinched at the memory of it. “Old shack. Barely standing. So secluded I don’t know how he ever found it. There was a fire already burning in a pit near the shore. He said he’d come out and set it up for me. It was the first time I felt uneasy about everything. Something about it felt off. I should have listened to that flicker of intuition.”
I turned my stare down to Rex, who was grinding his teeth, hands tightening, holding on to me.
“I should have listened.” It left me a on a grated rasp.
Aaron led me into the shack. Immediately, his mouth covered mine. I kissed him back, fighting the quiver of fear that slicked beneath the surface of my skin.
I liked him.
I liked him so much.
I was just nervous. It was my first time. Everyone was nervous when they left themselves vulnerable to someone else. When you gave them this kind of trust.
I’d been enamored with him for all of forever. I finally had this chance, and I’d be an absolute fool if I let anxiety and insecurity get in the way.
Not again.
I’d been doing it for too long.
But when he led me to the small cot backed against the far wall and started to undress me, I couldn’t stop shaking. Shaking and shaking and shaking. Nerves skittered free and fast. Naked, my stomach tightened, and I couldn’t relax. I pressed my knees together, suddenly wanting to cover myself. It didn’t let up when Aaron undressed in the muted darkness.
I should have been watching his muscular body in the shadows. Instead, I squeezed my eyes closed and fought tears.
“Shh,” was all he said when he climbed over me and wedged between my thighs. My legs shook. I squeezed them against him, because something about this felt all wrong. My fingers dug into his shoulders and a whimper escaped my lips.
A sharp pain stole my breath when he thrust into me. I tried to hold it back, but a small cry escaped.
And those cries—they wouldn’t stop coming, though, I bit them back, keeping them subdued as he kept driving into me, his head shifted to the side, away, never looking at my face
Tears flowed, almost silent as I stared at the ceiling, wondering how his kisses had felt so good when this felt so . . . wrong.
I knew it.
My gut told me.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Something was so unbearably wrong.
I just didn’t know the extent of it until he groaned and pulsed before he quickly pushed off me and climbed to his feet. His naked body was lit up in oranges and reds against the lapping flames reflected in from outside.
Then Aaron, he smirked.
I blinked down at this amazing man who lay completely still, listening, knowing he wouldn’t judge me. But that didn’t mean my voice didn’t quiver with shame and agony. “He gave me this look before he ducked down and grabbed my clothes from the floor. He balled them against his chest and just . . . walked out with them. I couldn’t stop crying, Rex. Couldn’t stop crying. I kept calling for him. Screaming for him to come back. Not to leave me. Never in my life had I felt more alone than the moment when he walked out on me after he’d taken my innocence. After I thought I meant something to him.”
“That piece of shit.” His words barely made it between his clenched teeth.
My tongue darted out to wet my lips. “I stayed in there for so long. It was horrible. It was dark, and I was naked and alone. Finally . . . finally, I stumbled out to find him, trying to cover myself when I did.”
Grief clamped down on my heart. “I stumbled out and . . . there was . . . there was a bunch of kids from school,” I finally managed. Every word was filled with the disgrace I’d felt that day. “They were waiting for me to come out. They all just started laughing, like my standing there naked . . . hurt . . . terrified . . . was the funniest thing they’d ever seen.”