Last night, I wished with all of me that I could have taken your sickness away. But maybe there’s a chance this pie might make you feel better the way it always did me. I sure hope so.
All my love,
Rynna
Damn her.
Damn her straight to hell for teasing me this way.
Damn her for weaseling her way in and making herself a place in a spot where she knew she would never stay.
Fuck me for wanting it.
“Read it to me! Oh, read it to me, Daddy! Wha’s it say?”
“It’s from Rynna next door,” I told her, trying to keep the thick emotion from clotting my voice. “She said her grandma used to make her this same pot pie when she wasn’t feeling well. She thought it might help you feel better, too, so she made you some.”
Those big brown eyes went wide with hope, and her voice dropped like it might be a secret. “Do you think it mights be as good as cherry pie?”
My attention darted to the sweet pie still sitting on the countertop. The pie I’d dipped my finger into the second I’d gotten a chance this afternoon. Because shit. That little taste of her outside this morning had not been close to being enough.
“How about we test it out? You get some of this food into your belly, and I’ll heat you up a small piece of cherry pie. How’s that sound?”
“It sounds like you’re the best daddy in the whole wide world . . . just like Rynna’s grammy.”
If only that were the truth.
13
Rynna
I stepped out of my grandmother’s diner and was smacked in the face by the Alabama heat. A sticky sheen of sweat slicked my skin, and my arm still burned from the exertion of scrubbing on at least thirty years of built-up lard and oils splattered on every surface in the old kitchen. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to work on what little could be salvaged inside. It at least gave me something to keep my hands busy while I waited for my appointment with the bank so I could officially put in my application for a loan.
It was painful waiting. Not knowing. Wondering if I was going to have what it took to bring this dusty diner back to life. If anyone would believe in me. If they’d give me a chance to make this old dream a reality.
After today, I was bone tired. But there was an eager hum that whirred through my blood. A satisfaction that had been lacking in all the years I’d been away. While in San Francisco, I’d attempted to convince myself a life outside of Gingham Lakes was what I wanted.
Some part of me had always known it’d been a lie.
I could almost hear my grandmother whispering in my ear, “Do what makes you happy, child. In my experience, joy is a choice. Life is rough. Don’t expect it not to be. But if we aren’t laughin’, we’re crying. Choose to laugh. Choose what brings you joy. And when you choose your path, it might not always be the easiest one, but it’ll always be the right one.”
I lifted my face to the blue sky, squeezed my eyes closed, and silently murmured, “I chose this path, Gramma. Even if it’s not the easiest one, I know it’s where my joy is waiting for me.”
My eyes opened, my gaze landing on the construction site across the street. It was deserted, work done for the day, but that didn’t stop my mind from wandering to Rex.
After I’d left his house yesterday morning, I’d gone home and crawled straight into bed. With being awake at the emergency room for most of the night, I’d anticipated I’d immediately fall asleep, but I’d tossed.
Exhausted but wired.
Drained but restored.
As if I’d been left spinning somewhere in limbo.
Lost in a blissful kind of purgatory where I’d stumbled upon a man with the skill to bring me to orgasm with a few mind-rending strokes of his body. But there had been so much pained remorse in his expression afterward that it’d sent me crashing to the ground.
No question, he’d needed to run to Frankie. It was exactly what he should do. His child should always be his first priority.
But what hurt was it was clear his regret went so much deeper than the simple fact we’d let ourselves lose control where we’d been hidden by his massive truck. Deeper than the fact he needed to pull away to return to her.
And with Rex?
I felt out of control.
Spinning from a thread and barely hanging on.
He knocked the ground out from under my feet.
Shaking myself out of it, I pushed from the door and locked up before stepping out onto the sidewalk.
The scene in front of me made me wonder how I’d ever left this place. The old buildings built up on each side, massive shade trees grown up through the planters and shading the store fronts that still boasted some of the old shops my grandmother had gone to when she’d been my age.
You’d think the restoration in progress would have stolen from the charm.
It didn’t.
It only amplified.
The renovated buildings bore crisp new awnings and eaves, and the new brick structures climbed up between them to give the exact cohesive feel Lillith had been so proud of the day I’d first met her.
One day soon, Pepper’s Pies would be a part of this rebirth.
I inhaled a satisfied breath and started for my SUV, glancing down to fiddle with my key ring to grab the right one.
Then I smacked right into a firm body.
“Oh goodness, I’m sorry, excuse me,” I mumbled through my surprise.
Hands came out to steady me by the shoulders.
“Whoa, slow down.” The man chuckled, and my attention shot up. My eyes grew round, and my mouth went dry, my heart bottoming out in my stomach.
He smiled at me.
Confused by my reaction.
His head angled to the side, tone filled with an easy chuckle. “Tiny thing like you should slow down before you fall and mess up that pretty face.”
I took a staggering step backward. Still unable to say anything. Still unable to respond.
I couldn’t breathe, my heart locked in the center of my chest.
A rush of dizziness swept through my head, my balance lost.
He didn’t even recognize me.
The bastard didn’t even recognize me.
I pressed a hand over my mouth, trying to keep back the cry that clamored up my throat, just standing there, staring at him.
Unable to move.
Paralyzed.
Frozen by shock.
By fear.
By hatred.
“You okay, beautiful?” he asked as if he had the capacity to care.
I wished with all of me I had the strength to slap him across the face. Or maybe spit in it. Scream at him to go to hell, right where he belonged.
Instead, I stood there staring at him in terrified disbelief.
He started to reach for me, and I finally snapped out of my stupor. I frantically smacked his hand away as I stumbled back. Fighting tears, I broke away and rushed for my Cherokee. I fumbled with the key, hands shaking so badly I could barely get it into the lock. Another rush of dizziness swept through me, a violent storm, taking me under.
I could barely haul myself into the driver’s seat.
Nausea whirled.
I slammed the door and locked it, hands squeezing on the steering wheel. I fought the urge to shift my truck into drive, tuck tail, and run.
He was there.
He is here.
Bile climbed my throat when Aaron looked back over his shoulder at me. He shook his head as if I were insane then turned and continued down the sidewalk as if it meant nothing at all, as my mind was jerked back to the days I’d do anything to forget.
Rynna - Twelve Years Old
I grinned eagerly, excitement blazing through my nerves. I couldn’t believe I’d been invited.
Something about this felt special. As if things were finally gonna change. I hated being left out. Gramma said it was just because I was too shy, but I wasn’t so sure.
I threaded my fingers together and set them on my lap where I sat with my legs crisscrossed on Janel’s bedroom floor.
We’d made a circle.
The circle.
My eyes made a pass over the faces: Kimberly, Sarah, Ben, Kerry, Janel, and Aaron.
Aaron.
Butterflies stormed my belly and sweat slicked my palms.
Aaron.
I kept glancing at him, wishing I was sitting right next to him, but I was too nervous to make the move.
But at least I was there. That was all that mattered.
A dim light glowed from a bedside lamp, but otherwise, the lights were off.