She laughed and the crowd laughed with her. “Life is too short…and nothing is certain. Nothing. Just because you tell someone you’ll talk to them later, or you’ll see them tomorrow, there is no guarantee that either of those things will happen. You hope they will. Hell, we all assume they will. But we don’t really know. Life can change in an instant. A single instant.”
Caroline closed her eyes to blink out tears as she gripped the sides of the podium with both hands. “I’m going to make myself a promise right here and now. In Johnny’s honor. I promise to live each day to the fullest. I promise to listen to my heart and then work through my fears to follow it. I promise to realize what my dreams are and then take the steps necessary to make them a reality. I promise to be true to me. Not what someone else wants me to be, but what I want.” She glanced at Tracey, who was sobbing.
“Johnny lived that way. And I always envied him for it. He never cared what other people would say. He lived by his heart. He let his passion guide him. He was the best person I’ve ever known and I miss him so much.”
Caroline quickly walked away from the podium and down the steps to her seat. She buried her head in Tracey’s shoulder. “That was perfect,” Tracey whispered to her.
“Thanks.” Caroline’s eyes closed as she struggled to hold back her tears.
The preacher stepped behind the microphone to announce, “The burial will take place at plot twenty-three on the East Lawn. It’s located right outside the double doors and to your left.”
Caroline and Tracey held hands as they crept out one of the back doors. Caroline squinted as the sun momentarily blinded her and fumbled through her purse for her sunglasses. The wind whipped at her hair and she fought to stop it from blowing into her face. She spotted the white casket being carried in the distance. “There it is.”
“How do you know for sure?” Tracey asked.
“Look around. There’s no one else here.”
Tracey scanned the area and noticed that Caroline was right. Aside from the crowd that formed at Johnny’s future resting site, the graveyard was empty. They made their way over to the white casket, which was now closed.
The preacher cleared his throat and the girls directed their attention to him. He read a brief prayer aloud before two workers slowly lowered Johnny into the freshly dug ground. Jackie let out a mournful wail that almost brought Caroline to her knees. Sobs filtered through the air as the casket dropped out of sight.
The girls sat on the slightly dampened ground next to Johnny’s mom while everyone else slowly filed out of the cemetery. As the sky’s bright orange glow began to fade, the girls stood up. They hugged Jackie goodbye, promised to keep in touch, and walked away from the pile of fresh dirt, arm in arm.
Caroline let out an exasperated breath. “That was so sad. But also…kind of cathartic, don’t you think?”
Tracey shrugged her shoulders. “How do you mean?”
“I dunno. It was nice to hear all those stories about him. What he was like as a kid, a teenager, and then with us. I just feel…kinda happy?”
“What? What do you mean you feel happy?” Tracey snapped.
“Not happy, HAPPY. But like…ugh, I don’t know how to explain it! I’m just so freaking thankful that I got to experience college with him.”
“I don’t understand you at all sometimes.”
Caroline laughed. “It was just nice to think of him today and laugh and smile and remember all of his jokes and antics. It made me feel good that everyone saw him that way…positive, happy, confident, and adventurous. I just think there’s something so beautiful in being remembered like that.”
“Seriously. Please stop talking,” Tracey whined.
“Fine. But Johnny would not want us to be sad and sulk all weekend. You know what he would want us to do.” Caroline eyeballed her friend.
Tracey’s face dropped. “Go out?”
Caroline’s eyes lit up. “Go. Out. He would definitely want us to go out.”
“I hope I don’t die any time soon. You’ll probably go to Disneyland or something.”
“Ooooh, can I? I’ll bring your ashes on Space Mountain!” Caroline beamed while Tracey’s face filled with horror.
“Okay, really. Stop. How can you laugh and make jokes right now? You’re freaking me out.”
“I’m just playing, Tray. Sorry.” Caroline wondered if she laughed and made jokes so she wouldn’t fall apart.
“Care?” Caroline’s nickname sounded in her ears and broke her current train of thought. “I don’t want to go out tonight, okay?” Tracey asked. “I mean, I want to go out—just not tonight.”
Caroline smiled in slight relief. “We’ll go out tomorrow,” she said softly.
Once the girls were safe and sound back in Tracey’s apartment, Caroline turned on the television and heard the sound of soft snores coming from the oversized chair. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Clay’s number.
“Hi, babe. Yeah, it was awful and wonderful. Oh my gosh, yes. So freaking sad. She was a mess. She said to tell you hi. I know. I’m exhausted. Okay. I love you, too. ’Night.” Caroline hung up and relaxed her head against the back of the couch.
The rest of the weekend felt like a tall glass of gloom mixed with a shot or two of bliss. Everywhere the girls went brought back memories of college and times spent with Johnny.