It has me blushing as I think back to last night.
San Diego sex is my favorite, too.
Sunday, March 4
(Gus)
I've watched Ma and Doc Banks' relationship develop into something solid, loving, and stable over the past several months. Throughout it all I've pretty much kept my mouth shut, but I feel like I need to talk about it with her. And more in depth than just the passing discussion we have when she updates me on trips or travel.
"Hey, Ma."
"Hi, sweetie." She's sitting on the deck reading a book and drinking her morning cup of coffee.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
She marks her page and sets her book down on the table. "Of course. What's wrong?" She looks worried. I didn't mean to worry her. Sometimes I forget that even though I'm a grown man, she'll always think of me as her little boy. And when I come to her like this, her mind immediately goes into problem solving, what-can-I-do-to-make-this-better mode.
I shake my head and lean down and kiss her forehead before I take a seat next to her. "Nothing's wrong." And I smile so she knows I'm not lying. "About Doc Banks—"
She interrupts me. "You can call him Eric, you know?" It's a friendly reminder.
I smile at the love in her voice and nod. "I like Doc Banks better. It sounds cooler." She wants to laugh but she's just giving me an amused grin instead. I continue. "About Eric. You really like him?"
"I do." She does.
"Do you love him?" Her heart is important to me and I only want someone who truly deserves her to have it.
"I do." She does.
"You're going to marry him, aren't you?"
The light that shines in her eyes is all the answer I need. "We've talked about it." He must deserve her heart, because no one's ever brought this out in her.
I don't know why I'm so fascinated by this. I guess because Ma has always been this force to be reckoned with. The woman can do anything she puts her mind to. She makes things happen. My entire life she's been this entity unto herself, helping everyone, loving everyone, but always independent. What I always suspected is so clear now—she put her love life aside so she could devote her life to me. To raise me and give me her undivided attention. She's completely and utterly selfless. "Is that what you want?"
She nods. "It is. He's a good man, Gus. I think finding the perfect partner is as much about timing, as it is about the person himself."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I think people find each other when they're ready for them. When they need each other the most. And it's in that time of need that the strongest relationships are formed."
My mind drifts to Scout. It always drifts to Scout. I need her. And it's not needy need. Not need that makes my heart ache. It's need that makes me whole. It's need that makes me not only remember who I am, but makes me want to be more. To do more. For me. For her. For us. It's a need that's liberating, because I have no doubt whenever and wherever that need arises, she's there for me. Like Ma said, it's all about timing. We were both at our lowest. Hurting. Grieving. And together we healed each other without even realizing it. I look Ma in the eye. "I think I love her, Ma."
She smiles her knowing smile. "I don't think you do, honey ... I know you do."
Tuesday, March 27
(Scout)
Gus is still sleeping so I leave a few sticky notes on his door before I head out for work. I downloaded Rook's new album this morning on iTunes. You should check it out. The singer's voice is dead sexy. ;) Seriously, I listened to it on my run. Your talent amazes me. You should be so proud of yourself.
The truth is my morning run was a walk. Because I was so blown away by what I heard coming through my earbuds that I couldn't run. So I walked. And occasionally I sat down and just listened. A few months ago I listened to him write these songs and play them on his acoustic guitar in his room. It was magical. But today, listening to those quiet songs transformed into tracks with a full band? It floored me. I peeked in on him this morning when I got back from my run. He was lying on his stomach in bed, covered from the waist down by only a sheet, sleeping soundly. I know he was naked because that's how I left him early this morning. The absolute maleness of him is always the first thing that takes hold of me the instant I see him. There's raw attraction that's undeniable. He's absolutely stunning. But when my eyes landed on him this morning, I had an overwhelming feeling of awe. Here's this ungodly handsome man who's funny, and kind, and sweet, and protective, and sexy, and so, so caring. But he's also got this talent that's unimaginable. It's hard to believe a person can possess that kind of a gift. And to be so humble about it. He has no idea how special he is. His humility is every bit as beautiful as he is.
Saturday, March 31
(Gus)
There's a text waiting for me when I check my phone this morning.
CLARE: Congrats on the new album! Bought it yesterday and listened to it last night, it's phenomenal! Great work!
ME: Thanks. You quit smoking yet?
CLARE: I did. 2 weeks ago. Didn't want to tell you and jinx it though. It's hard. You quit?
ME: Yeah. Agreed, it's fucking hard. Hang in there. And I won't hold you to the bet; keep your money and buy some gum.
CLARE: Gum?
ME: Yeah. It helps. Don't ask me why but it does.
CLARE: I'll give it a try. Take care and good luck.
ME: Thanks. You too.
Thursday, April 5
(Gus)
Our tour starts tomorrow night. I fly to Phoenix in the morning. Eleven o'clock flight. The label car will be at the house to pick me at eight-thirty. My bags are packed and sitting by the front door with my guitars. Scout helped me pack—a week's worth of jeans and T-shirts. She even bought me new socks and chonies—two weeks' worth just in case I can't find a laundromat.
She's lying in bed with me. We're face to face on my pillow. Our bodies are touching, still cherishing the intimacy we shared only minutes ago. Sex with her will never get old. My body fucking craves her. And when we connect, I feel whole. It's an experience that's as emotionally fulfilling as it is physical.