I stood up and clapped once. “That’s a great fucking plan, Scott. I love you.” I walked over, grabbed his face, and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m outta here. Oh, and I’ll find my own assistant,” I called over my shoulder as I left his office.
Moments later, I was cheerfully strutting down the hall with all my belongings in a cardboard box when I ran into Elizabeth. Just remember, Matt: if you kill her, you’ll go to jail.
“What are you doing with all your stuff?” She put her hand on her hip, blocking my path.
“Move.”
“Why are you being so mean to me? I’m pregnant, you jerk.”
“I’m aware, and so is every other person with their vision intact. And where I’m going is none of your business. Outta my way.”
“Did you get fired?”
As desperate as I was not to engage her, I couldn’t control myself. “I know about Grace’s calls and letters and how you hid them from me. Thank you for that.”
She rolled her eyes and looked to the ceiling. “Oh, for God’s sake, I knew this would come up. Look, when you came back to New York in ’97 and she was gone, you were a fucking mess, Matt. I had to pick up your sorry ass and carry you for years. You think you’d have this job if it weren’t for me? You were an incipient alcoholic, fumbling around like a loser. I saved you from destroying yourself. And she wasn’t here for you.”
I laughed. “Incipient alcoholic? Is that the narrative you created for yourself to justify your deception? That’s such bullshit. You and I never would have gotten married if I knew she was trying to get in touch with me.”
“Do you know how pathetic that makes you sound?”
“You always have to get your way, no matter what the cost. You wanted me, so you did what you had to do. You wanted a baby, and I wasn’t around to give one to you, so you went out and found the next willing participant, even at the expense of our marriage. You’re the pathetic one, Elizabeth. Not me.”
She was tongue-tied. “I thought . . . I thought you loved me.” This was a typical fighting tactic for Elizabeth. She could do a 180 from angry and accusatory to self-pitying in one second flat.
“I loved the person I thought you were, but I realize now she never existed. I have to go.” I tried to move past her but she blocked my way again.
“Wait, Matt.”
“Please move out of the way.”
“Why was she still pursuing you after she knew we were married? I mean, it was public knowledge. Don’t you think there’s something wrong with that?”
“Can you blame her for wanting closure? For wanting to know what happened between us? She was torn up inside, Elizabeth. Just like me.” Pausing, I looked down at her growing belly. “For the sake of that poor human being growing inside of you, I hope you learn something from this. Despite your every effort, we didn’t work out. We’re not together. It was all for nothing.” She started crying, but it didn’t phase me. “Please, Elizabeth, get out of my way.”
I had hit the crest of my anger, and now everything seemed totally ridiculous. I was beyond yelling and screaming now; it was all a fucking joke, but the joke was on me. I could either take it and move on or I could give this life-sucking person another second she didn’t deserve.
I brushed past her. “See you never.”
It was spring in New York, and I was free to pursue what I wanted.
The sun was shining down between the skyscrapers as I made my way to the subway, clutching a medium-sized box filled with career mementos. I was smiling on the train as I tried to recall every detail of my kiss with Grace the Friday before. How soft her hair felt between my fingers, how she always, even fifteen years later, kept her eyes closed seconds after the kiss was over, like she was savoring it.
I couldn’t let anyone, or anything, get in my way again.
ON TUESDAY, I went for a run in the morning and counted down the minutes until three p.m., when I was supposed to meet Grace. I arrived way too early and sat on the steps of Senior House until she came striding up, right on time. She seemed revived since I’d last seen her, and she had a Grace-like bounce in her step. She was wearing a flowery skirt with tights and a sweater. It was a slightly more grown-up version of her college style. Glancing down at myself, I realized my style hadn’t changed much either: jeans, T-shirts, and Chucks. Had that much time really passed? If it had, there was little physical evidence beyond a few wrinkles on our faces.
I stood up and shoved my hands into my pockets.
“Have you eaten?” she asked.
“I’m starving.” I lied. I wanted to do whatever she wanted to do. “What do you feel like?”
“How about a hot dog and a walk in the park?” I smiled. Nothing had ever sounded better. Granted, she could have said, “How about a gondola ride through the Venice canals?” or “How about we sit in Death Valley with no water?” and it all would have sounded equally good to me, as long as she was there.
“Sounds good.”
We walked shoulder to shoulder as we exchanged small talk. I told her about my job, skimming lightly over the confrontation with Elizabeth.
“How are your parents?” I asked her.
“The same, except my dad is sober now and my mom is remarried. My brother and sisters have all grown up and moved away. I’m closest with my youngest sister. She lives in Philadelphia and I see her often. I thought about moving back to Arizona after Dan died, but I love New York so much. I have friends here and I could never sell the brownstone.”