My body was tensed and I let it relax slowly as I considered Xander.
"I go around and around it in my mind out here," Xander said. "I work it like a puzzle, and it doesn't add up. So many things . . ."
I looked away, in the direction of our spring, Eden's and mine, and said softly, "No, I question things, too."
Xander let out a breath that sounded as if he had been storing up air for hours, years, perhaps a lifetime.
"The irony is, I walk the outside perimeter of Acadia a hundred times a day, and I feel like a damn caged animal."
"Why haven't you said anything to me before now? We talk about everything."
He looked off, over my shoulder. "Yeah, I know. I was trying to make sense of it . . . or get over it . . . or something. I swear to you, Calder, I don't even know."
I remained quiet while he ran both hands through his hair, leaving it looking like he'd just traveled through a windstorm.
"I guess when I saw you with Eden, when I realized the risk you'd be willing to take to be friends with her, I thought maybe you might have some questions, or doubts, too."
I paused. "Have you talked to Sasha about this?"
Sasha was several years older than us, and already married to another worker. But along with us, she was among those who had either been born here or had come to Acadia as a baby. We hadn't chosen this life. It had chosen us.
Xander shook his head. "No, Sash is happy. She likes her life. I think she truly loves Aaron. She's never seemed restless."
I nodded. "Listen, Xander, the best we can do is achieve a place on the council. We can go out into the big community that way. We're not stupid. We can learn things. We'll have more choices there . . . more opportunities to find answers."
"But we still won't have anything that's our own." Xander grimaced and looked off into the distance, muttering, "Even saying that feels wrong."
I worried my brow. We'd always been taught that wanting anything for yourself, rather than the group as a whole, was sinful and selfish. It wasn't an idea easy for me to shake either. And maybe that was a good thing. It was all so damned confusing.
"We don't have a lot of time, Xander. We need to get a place on that council—even just one of us—before the floods come."
Xander looked down at his feet and finally said quietly, "What if Hector's wrong about that, too?"
Something that felt like a mixture of dread and hope surged through my blood. What if.
Xander's eyes met mine, and were filled with what looked to be the same thing I was feeling. "Kristi at the ranger's station told me lots of so-called prophets have foretold the end of the world, and not one of them has come true . . . obviously."
"Hector would say Kristi's a blasphemous liar who's doing work for the devil," I said.
Xander huffed out a breath. "Yeah. I know."
"I didn't realize you and Kristi talked that much."
He nodded. "Yeah . . . she's . . ." he paused, looking as if he was trying to come up with just the right word for this mysterious Kristi, "kind."
"How old is Kristi?" I asked, just out of curiosity.
"A little older than us. She's completed two years at the community college. She's transferring to a university soon."
Someone slammed a door to a cabin, and even though it wasn't very close to where we stood, we both startled. I lowered my voice even more when I said, "Let's not talk about this again, unless we know we're somewhere where no one is around."
Xander nodded. "Is it really safe to discuss this kind of stuff around Eden?"
I thought about that for a second, certainty filling my chest. "Yes. Yes, I believe so."
He paused. "You have feelings for her already, don't you?"
I thought about that for a second and simply settled on. "I won't be that stupid."
Xander nodded once. "The thing is, Calder, it's not always a choice who you develop feelings for. You're playing with fire in more ways than one. Any fool can see the way you two look at each other. And the more time you spend together—"
"We have a history, Xander. We're fond of each other."
"Fond of each other?" He snorted. "I'm fond of your mom, and sunsets. You are not 'fond' of Eden, trust me."
I smiled. "Okay, so it goes a little beyond 'fond.' I'm okay, I promise. You don't need to worry about me."
Xander studied my face and then nodded again. "Okay, brother." He started to back away. "Have a good night." And then he turned and walked off, leaving me to return home, and my mind to go over and over and over what we had discussed. What if Xander was right and Hector was wrong? What if there wasn't going to be a great flood . . . What if I had the choice to leave Acadia?
CHAPTER SEVEN
Eden
The next day, Calder didn't show at the spring and sadness and humiliation filled me as I walked back to the main lodge. I had ruined everything. I'd acted like a fool—a stupid, honest fool. I'd had to get away to lick my wounds. And now, I had lost my only . . . friend. Or I'd thought he was my friend. I groaned in despair and put my hands over my face as I leaned back on the inside of my bedroom door. Good job, Eden, I thought bitterly.
I spent most of the day lost in my music—my only refuge, my only comfort.
Later that night after I'd helped bathe Hailey's boys and gotten them dressed in their PJs, I walked back through the main room toward the stairs. I saw Maya, Calder's sister, with a stack of folded clothing in her hands opening the front door to leave and I stopped in my tracks. I smiled at her, but she blushed, lowered her eyes, and ducked out the door before I could say anything to her. Gods above! Calder didn't tell her about yesterday, did he?