“You had to sell him to slaughter, right?”
I put my hand over my aching heart. “The worst part was that my next-door neighbors bought him and their son, little Johnny Shithead, would come to school every day and say, ‘Hey, Nate, guess what? I had bacon again for breakfast. Ha ha.’ That little fucker. I wanted to poke his eyes out with my mechanical pencil.”
She laughed again and then put her hand over mine and squeezed. I leaned in and kissed her right behind her ear. She shivered so I pulled her tighter against me. I couldn’t get close enough to her.
CHAPTER 9
Comes and Goes
Avelina
Nate was a perfect gentleman after the hot spring. He took me to my cabin and then rode the horses back to the barn to brush them out. I stayed in that night, finally feeling tired enough and relaxed to sleep without the whiskey. Over the next several days I had many lessons and Nate helped Dale a lot. I rarely saw him except at Bea’s dinner table. She was so happy that I was finally joining them on a regular basis. She’d even ask me to make a side dish once in a while, and I was happy to do it.
One night, Redman, Bea, Dale, and Trish all went into town for the monthly antique auction. Caleb politely declined dinner with us, leaving Nate and me alone. Nate secretly admitted that he was a vegetarian but didn’t want to tell Bea so I made pasta with vegetables and mushrooms in a red sauce. He hovered over me at the stove and watched as I stirred the sauce. “That smells amazing. How about we open a bottle of Bea’s wine?”
“Just make sure it’s not a good one. She’ll kill us.”
As we left the kitchen and headed toward the dining room balancing our full plates and glasses, Pistol began whimpering from outside of the screen door. Without prompting, Nate walked over and let Pistol in, even though the ornery little dog growled at him.
Nate just smiled and followed me into the dining room. Pistol took up residence under my feet at the table. After a few moments of silence, something came over me and I blurted out, “Do you have a girlfriend in L.A.?”
He set his fork down and took a sip of his wine. “No, Ava, I don’t have a girlfriend. I wouldn’t have kissed you if I did.”
“Technically I kissed you.”
“I wouldn’t have let you.”
“Do you date a lot of women? I bet you have women flocking around you all the time.” As soon as I let the words out, I slapped my hand over my mouth and felt a blush creep over my face. I couldn’t believe I had said that to him.
He looked up pensively like he was trying to decide how to answer a question I shouldn’t have asked.
“I haven’t been with anyone in almost five years.” He lifted his eyebrows and looked me dead in the eye.
“Wow. Why?”
“I’ve been busy becoming a surgeon. It consumed me, but I don’t regret it. I never really clicked with anyone in L.A. anyway.”
“Oh.”
“This is delicious,” he said, changing the subject.
“Thank you. Can I ask you something, Nate?”
“Sure.”
“Are you trying to fix me and my heart because of what happened with your patient?”
His fork clanked to the plate loudly. Picking up the napkin and wiping his mouth, he shook his head slowly. He looked penitent and lost in thought. “I don’t know. I mean, no, I don’t think so.”
“The only people you’ve bothered with in five years are people with broken hearts.”
His nostrils flared, his jaw flexed, and he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth.
“I’m sorry, did I offend you?”
“No.” He shook his head as if he were trying to convince himself.
“I just don’t understand why you enjoy being around me.”
“I have no idea why you have such a low opinion of yourself. You’re beautiful and kind, Ava.”
“But . . . I must seem ignorant to you.”
“Don’t say that,” he whispered, looking pained. “That’s far from true. College degrees don’t make you smart, life experiences do. Honestly, that’s something I’ve lacked and it’s probably responsible for much of the reason I failed as a doctor. Since I’ve been here, around you, I’ve learned more about myself and the heart than I did in all my years in college.”
“It’s hard for me to believe that.”
“It’s true, Ava. I’m drawn to you but I don’t think you’re broken, so no, I’m not trying to fix you. I just wish you could see that you still have so much of your life to live. And you have so many people here who care about you.”
I started to tear up. “I guess I do see that now, but what about you? You’re going to leave and then . . .” Tears began filling my eyes before one escaped down my cheek.
Reaching out and wiping it away with the pad of his thumb, he shook his head. “Don’t think about that right now. Can we enjoy being together?” I nodded. “I plan to make some big changes in my life, too, but I won’t forget about you.”
I looked down at my plate but felt ill. I couldn’t take another bite.
He slid his chair away from the table. “Come here, Ava.”
My legs were wobbly as I stood. He gently tugged on my arm, pulling me down onto his lap. I went boneless in his strong arms. Bracing me around my back and neck, he nestled his face near my ear. “You smell so good,” he said. “I won’t ever hurt you, I promise. Tell me what you want. I’ll do anything.”