Courtney had been right. Maybe this wasn’t so bad.
• • •
After about a two-hour set, the band wrapped up and Bryan walked me to my car. He hugged me good-bye and said he’d like to see me again. I nodded my head and told him I’d had fun. It wasn’t a lie. I had. He wasn’t Shaw, but then again, Shaw wasn’t mine.
All these months I’d told myself that Shaw just wasn’t ready for a relationship. But if he was dating again, I could no longer pretend that was the reason he didn’t want to be with me. Maybe it came down to a simple question of compatibility. I was fine to fuck around with, but not good enough to date.
When I arrived home, the lights inside were off, so instead of going to talk to my brother, I climbed the stairs to my apartment. It was after ten o’clock but I wasn’t yet tired. Maybe I’d call Courtney and give her the play-by-play I was sure she was dying for.
I opened my door and flipped on the lights. The scent of cologne lingered lightly in the air, and I knew I wasn’t alone.
“Shaw?” I turned and saw him standing in the corner of my bedroom.
“Hey, Sunshine. How was your date?”
“It was fine.” He must have asked my brother where I was.
“Is this how it’s going to be now? Each of us dating?” he asked, stepping closer.
I shrugged. I wanted to stick out my tongue and say you started it, but somehow didn’t think he’d appreciate such a childish response.
“I’m not sure how things are going to be,” I said instead. “Why don’t you tell me?”
Shaw said nothing, and I hated the anxiety I felt as the silence grew between us.
“A friend set me up with someone new that she works with,” I said, stepping out of my sandals and placing my purse beside the door. It wasn’t like I’d gone out seeking a hookup, so as far as I was concerned, Shaw couldn’t get his boxers in a twist over this.
“You think I don’t know that? You think I didn’t thoroughly check this prick out before you went out with him?” His voice rose a little, his anger simmering just below the surface.
“He wasn’t a prick. He was a nice guy, in fact.”
Shaw lifted his chin, his gaze going up to the ceiling for a second. “So you’re going to see him again.”
It wasn’t a question, and I didn’t answer.
“I don’t know what’s going on between us, Shaw. How do you expect me to know how to navigate this whole situation?”
He stalked closer until he crowded me right up against the bed. The back of my knees hit the mattress and I sat down, Shaw looming over me.
“I expect you to give me what I crave.”
I swallowed heavily and my gaze drifted from his down to his belt buckle. I hated how easily I caved, how quickly my body responded to his rough voice and sexual commands.
“I’m here for you. You know that. I just sometimes need more, Shaw,” I pleaded.
“More?” His voice was filled with questions.
“Yes. I think of you when you leave. I want to know how you’re doing, really, and what goes through your mind when you’re with me.”
Using two fingers under my chin, he tipped my face up to his. “You want to know what goes through my head?”
I nodded.
His fingers lightly stroked my cheek and I leaned into his touch.
“You’re perfection. You make me feel alive. You give me everything I need, and I don’t deserve any of it. That’s what goes through my head.”
“We both deserve to be happy.” My heart was beating wildly, and I wanted nothing more than my words finally to sink in.
“I know I can’t stop you from dating, but fuck if I don’t want to,” he added.
I wanted to tell him that he could. He could say the words I’d longed to hear—ask me to be his and I’d never date anyone else ever again. I’d been secretly waiting for him to make me his for the past ten years.
Shaw unbuckled his belt and leaned down to kiss me. My hands scrambled to help him free his engorged cock and I began stroking him, pumping both hands up and down as his tongue swirled with mine. A deep primal grunt sounded in his throat, and I took deep satisfaction in that sound. My panties dampened and I stroked harder, faster, becoming greedy for his release, even more so than for my own.
“Enough,” he growled.
My jeans and panties were stripped from my legs as I scrambled up onto the bed, coming to rest against the pillows, my breathing ragged and my heart slamming against my ribs.
“Are you wet for me already?” He brought one finger to my opening and eased it in slowly. “My girl gets nice and wet for me.”
My girl. Did he not know how badly his words killed me? Gutted me from the inside out?
“Kiss me,” I murmured.
Kissing wasn’t something we commonly did, but I needed his mouth on mine. I wouldn’t make it through this if I had to listen to his endearments. Where was the brutal, hardheaded, unattached man I was used to?
He brought his mouth down to mine and kissed me deeply. Adding a second finger, he increased his rhythm, stroking that spot deep inside me that only he had found, sending me spiraling out of control.
I clawed at his back and gripped his length, moving my hips in time with his fingers.
Panting, I said, “Right there . . . yes, yes . . .”
God, it was insane how badly my body had missed him.
His mouth moved to my neck as his fingers continued pushing me over the edge. “You can go on your little dates, but no one else is going to make you come. You can count on that,” he growled.